FOMO

The night is young, the world aglow,

A thousand places I could go.

Yet here I sit, my heart confined,

While visions race within my mind.

A concert's cry, a theater's tale,

A midnight train, a moonlit trail.

A friend's warm laugh, a fleeting chance,

The city's hum, a secret dance.

My thoughts entwine, they hold me tight,

A prison built of endless might.

What if, what now, what might have been?

A maze of choices I’m trapped within.

A maze of choices, loud and clear,

I take one step, but doubt is near.

I walk ahead, yet hear behind

The murmurs of the paths declined.

I choose at last, yet peace won’t stay,

My thoughts still wander, drift away.

What might I miss, what calls my name,

What future plans demand the flame?

Do they thrive while I delay?

Does wonder bloom where I can't stay?

But chasing all, I’m lost to me,

A prisoner of what could be.

The present fades, its colors pale,

Outshined by dreams or tasks that wail.

Though here I sit, my soul won’t rest,

Forever reaching, never blessed.

This constant pull, it drains my light,

No peace by day, no calm by night.

A truth emerges, sharp and clear:

I cannot live while trapped in fear.

I close my eyes and ground my soul,

The moment here becomes my goal.

I silence all the "what could be,"

And face the world in front of me.

The present’s light, it burns so bright,

And lifts me from my endless night.

I root my heart where I exist,

And find the joy that I had missed.

In the past, I used to laugh at the younger ones among us and look down on them, simply because they couldn't make up their minds and wouldn't respond to invitations until it was almost too late. They thought something better might come along. I don’t have that problem. I usually say yes immediately if I feel like it, and if I don’t have the motivation or already have other plans, I decline right away. However, what has been happening more often this year is that while I was at a truly great music festival, my thoughts were elsewhere. Mostly thinking about other events I want to attend, people I want to see again, sports activities I want to try, etc. My focus was entirely on everything I was NOT doing at that moment. This led to me not really being at the festival and, as a result, not being able to enjoy it at all (even though I was really looking forward to that event for a long time). I wasn’t living in the moment, but in the future. A future that I can’t even be sure of. I became aware of this thought carousel several times, and I spent a lot of energy trying to stay in the present. But that also felt like being wrapped in cotton. It was very exhausting. And it also scares me a little. How do you manage to live more in the moment and enjoy the moments you've been looking forward to for so long? Do you know a good book or podcast about this?

Thank you for your advice in advance!