I am happy.

It's the time for goals and new beginnings and I am right where I’ve been since forever

I shiver under the chill of the northern winter and wade through the floods of the wet spring

Pollen, mold, dust and smoke fills my lungs and I can’t even remember what it’s like to breathe deep

The body that was once untiring aches and breaks

My eyelids fall under the weight of the ever expanding universe

I am suffocatingly surrounded but also so unbelievably alone

What is rest?

What is friendship?

I am happy.

It's the time for warm sand and cool, sparkling waters, yet, the sweltering heat boils my thoughts

In this windowless, dust covered prison my sense of time is lost

And the dreams that occupy my day, make the nights fall darker and darker still

I long for a home so out of reach, I can’t even imagine how to get there

Uncanny valleys tempt me with promises of contentment and relief

Though there’s no measure of strength, I know I am not strong

There is heartbreaking familiarity in this place, even if it does not recognize me

What is privacy?

What is care?

I am happy.

It's the time for lively conversation and magic in the air but somehow I feel cursed

The dry, crisp cold sucks the moisture from my skin and the sprinkles of ice steal any remaining warmth

Days fly by, each like the other and also not at all

I’m a victim of a world built for someone who is not me

The walls whisper taunts before suddenly screaming them

The ceiling seeped blood before abruptly drowning me in it

Someone, anyone, please, please save me

What is joy?

What is love?

I. Am. Happy.