I am IT
December 31, 2024
Anxiety waves wash over me this December 31, 2024. In years past, there was excitement, or fatigue, waiting for Rocking New Year’s Eve and gastronomic juices flowing, thinking of our January 1st good luck dinner. This year’s end is an exclamation. I am now IT, the last one. When my mother died, the realization exploded in my brain that being the youngest conferred the unique experience of more loss. I would be the last to die, the survivor, my fate that of experiencing more loss. I reached it this year. Here it is. I have arrived. I have no one to ask about a forgotten or dim memory, no one to clarify confusion in the youngest's memories.
The grief sinks deep, settling, smooshed, and covered like a pot, with no steam escaping. Anxiety. Anxiety confuses the grief, or is it the stuffed grief causing the anxiety? When my mother died, I said that I didn't want to be IT. But when she died, I was IT then, too. I was with no parents and was defaulted to the IT for my nuclear family.
The new year sneaks in as this day ends, and the realization crystallizes. A shifty shadow hovers over me, making me try to seek light, to unstuff.
In photos and memories, a gamut of yesterdays returns in endearing episodes and vivid echoes, making us wish for more time, conversation, and new imprints. However, I end the year slightly anxious. There is hope and excitement but a veil of apprehension and annoyance. The year brought the death of relationships, habits, and connections, along with the loss of relatives. It led to realizations and clarity about where I was undervalued and revealed authentic and genuine connections.
Copyright © 12/31/2024 by Andrea O. Corwin
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About the Creator
Andrea Corwin
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Poetry, fiction, horror, life experiences, and author photos. Written without A.I. © Andrea O. Corwin
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Comments (28)
Congratulations on Top Story!!!- Well Deserved!
Congratulations on the well-deserved top story! 🎉🎉🎉I am the oldest of my sibling group and I tell my 4 brothers that I get to die first as 2 of our siblings have already died. My only sister and our youngest brother. So sorry for your losses!😢💙
Hope you have a good 2025! So sorry 4 your losses...
Congratulations 👏👏🥳🥳🎉
Congratulations, for the leaderboard, dear 🤝❤
Yayyyyy you placed on the Leaderboard! Congratulations! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Awww, sending you love here. I've just started on this platform today, and just scrolled and thought to come by your post. Hugs!
Oof this is a rough one. Loss is hard especially one like this, when you realize you're it. Keep your head up! And congrats on the Top Story!
What a deep, heartfelt reflection, Andi! We are at that age where loss is becoming more and more common and we have to deal and live with it. Big hug to you, my friend!
Beautiful Andrea
Wow! If there ever was a time words were put together to describe a feeling, this is it! Every word was carefully chosen and placed right where it needed to be. This line gave me pause: -In photos and memories, a gamut of yesterdays returns in endearing episodes and vivid echoes- 😔 I'm so sorry for your loss, Andrea. I felt it through this piece. May 2025 bring brighter days. 💖 Also, I always thought I was subscribed to you. Am now!
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry it's so difficult, and I really appreciate your work. ❤️
This is really useful, thank you very much for sharing
I really like your profound reflection, I wish you all the best for the new year, and congratulations on the top story
" There is hope and excitement but a veil of apprehension and annoyance. The year brought the death of relationships, habits, and connections, along with the loss of relatives. It led to realizations and clarity about where I was undervalued and revealed authentic and genuine connections. A better year hopefully. Congrats on Top Story~!
Back to say congrats on the TS.
Woah! Back to say congratulations on earning TS 🎉 It definitely deserves!
❤️❤️❤️
So sorry… it’s an unenviable position to be in. My parents have both gone and with my dodgy memory, I’m thinking I should write things down, to look back on. Mind you, my dear Dad’s recall was similar to mine, so if I’m recalling his tales, history may be taking some interesting turns.😵💫🤔
My goodness, that is heartbreaking and so relatable.
Sad, relatable and honest to a fault. Yes, not all new year wishes , dreams and expectations are created equal. loved one, they walk by your side unseen, worry not. You are not alone. Hugs and blessings to your every footstep.
Wow, Andrea. This was deep. I am so sorry for your loss💔. May the new Year of 2025 bring you peace, happiness, and health. I wish you the best of luck and happiness moving forward! You're a warrior, Andrea! 💝🎉 Sorry for the delay in reading your stories, by the way. I just got back from vacation!!
So sorry for your loss, Andrea. I felt the anxiety coming from this but I think in the knowing it and sharing it, there is a strength. And I felt that too. Here's to a 2025 that surprises us nicely and to you, health and happiness however it arrives. Hugs.
Being "IT" sounds like a tough gig, but you’re carrying those memories like a champ. Grief and anxiety may tag along, but hey, 2025 is the year to unstuff the pot and let the steam out! Here’s to finding light, cherishing the real ones, and leaving undervaluation in the dust. You've got this!💕✨