Just Sit with Me

I don't know if it is correlated or not

But the less I spoke to Him, the more I questioned my worth

The more I started to see myself in the mirror with a ragged cloth

The deeper the sea I was floating in got

So I knew it was time to pick of the phone, to reconnect

I didn't know what I would say or the matters we would dissect

He chose my favourite coffee place, done purposely

I see Him sitting there, looking directly towards the sea

When I approached, I felt my legs stuck in space and time

Tried to move but to an outsider, percieved like a mime

Standing there looking at Him with every emotion flowing through

Tears begin to roll uncontrollably, rollerblades on a sloping route

Anger emerged like he had been waiting to be unleashed

Telling Him about how I was left without a sword to unsheathe

About how lonely life has been in the midst of plenty

How life has left you on the daily feeling fainty

He looks up to me and Anger, saying " Just sit with me"

I am still trying to understand the hidden meaning behind these words

Is He speaking in parables again? is the translation wrong?

Then came this wave of remorse, conviction the wind it came with

And there it is, the feeling of being unworthy at its peak

I am staring at Him as He still stares at the sea sipping his tea

He says it for the second time " Just sit with me"

Not being worthy of being there in His presence overwhelmed me

The guilt of eating the fruits of the world with sin as a side dish

The promise to carry my cross , only to double cross Him

The delusion of freedom whilst bound to tendencies that harm me

Attained momentary joy from dancing in the dark with lights that flicker

Feeling disqualified from feeling His love or even love in general

Feeling I am exhausting to be friends with or to even be with

Feeling that maybe leaving earth would free people from yours truly

And at this moment, He says for the third time " Just sit with me ".

At this moment , I finally get the courage to sit

Eyes fixed at the view He had whilst I was on my feet

He looks at me with this intensity, almost like I saw myself in His eyes

I couldn't look away even if I wanted to try with all my might

Do you see how beautiful the sea is ? A ragingly calm entity

It reminds me a lot of you because you are the same

If I love the sea this much , what makes you think yours would be less?

My proudest moment was deciding to create you in my own image

You took how you think people see you and put in that same box

You made your shortcomings a goliath to my mercy, not unorthodox

You thought your ability to miss the mark was like pepper spray to my eyes

You know there is nothing that can come between the love I have for you

So instead of asking me when all the pain would go away,

Ask me how many times I would catch you when you fall

Instead of asking me to take away all the feeling of feeling lonely

Ask me how many times I would Simon of Cyrene your cross

Instead of asking me why you it seems you are always left behind

Ask me how many times I have red light your fast pace or clicked rewind

When I asked the weary to approach and recieve rest, it was for you

I am the host of the fortitude of rest and its guard too

I know there are areas in your life you need changes in

You are just going about it asking the wrong questions

We do have much to discuss, you and I

Hence why I asked you to sit with me, time to blood the nile.