Longing for Ruin

I keep the door unlocked, in case you come,

but every night, I swear to myself: “I’m over this”.

The wanting gnaws, its teeth leaving me numb.

*

The echo of your presence makes my heart drum,

a hunger shaped like love, longing for another kiss.

I keep the door unlocked, in case you come.

*

I tell my friends I’m just being dumb,

that it’s just the attention I miss.

The wanting gnaws, its teeth leaving me numb.

*

Words bruise, thoughts harm, and then some,

but shamefully, this longing fills me with bliss.

I keep the door unlocked, in case you come.

*

I’ve burned letters, threw out your things, called you scum,

but the anger, then, fades and I go back to feeling like this.

The wanting gnaws, its teeth leaving me numb.

*

I can’t take back what I’ve become;

less than myself and stuck in an endless abyss.

I keep the door unlocked, in case you come;

The wanting gnaws, its teeth leaving me numb.