Love poem #4

You wonder why you never hear my laugh

but you only tell me jokes at night

don’t you see my humor lives in the sunshine

on ice cream dates with bare feet on grass and music in the air?

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I accept your evening invitations like a relapsing addict

No, don’t offer it to me.

Please, keep it away, you know I can’t resist. Not this time. Not again…

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…ok. Yes, ok that’s fine. Yes I can come to you. No, you don’t have to come here. I need you, I’m on my way.

I’ve taken a hit already at the thought of you…

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In bed I’m like a heavy blanket, my emotions weigh my body down to meet yours

And you wonder why I don’t laugh?

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You undress me and kiss my shoulder like you have time and time before

And you wonder why I don’t laugh?

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I hold you like I so desperately wanted to

clinging to this false sense of security

And you wonder why I don’t laugh?

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I taste lust, resentment, and the overbearing sweetness of lies when I kiss you

And you wonder why I don’t laugh?

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Once the embrace ends, I deflate

withdrawals return

the sun will rise, and you will retreat before I can put on my best dress

my friends take me to get ice cream and listen to music in the park and dance in the sunshine

they hear my laugh, audacious and brazen

so please, spare me your wonder

my laugh does not fall on deaf ears