My Heart Breaks With Love

My heart breaks like shards of glass,

Left on the floor, in tiny pieces,

Though my love is still made to last;

Your pain tears me into pieces,

Seeing you shaking with tremors,

Causes my tears;

I sleep in another room,

"It keeps me safe,"

I tell myself,

I can still hear your nightmares,

Your cries,

And I'm broken, once more,

And;

The doctors still can't tell us what is wrong!

You enter my room,

I trace my fingers down the scar on

Your neck,

I gently stroke your head, and I feel

more, smaller ones,

They tell a history filled with sadness,

About a little boy who almost died,

But an operation saved his life;

But that operation came with a cost,

It stole the man you used to be,

The man who could walk,

Laugh,

Joke,

Run,

Work,

And sleep without this misery,

Yes;

The nightmares are also bad,

After 28 years, I sleep alone to avoid

another attack,

And still they can't answer our why?

They don't understand the pain you

go through, just to survive,

"But, it was benign!"

They say;

They don't even check the records,

Or

They say,

"They have been deleted."

This operation you had at 2 years old,

Removed an astrocytoma

That nearly killed you,

I wouldn't have the love of my life,

If they hadn't operated;

But,

There were things we did not know,

As you grew older;

We didn't know these disabilities would progress,

We didn't know how bad it would be,

We still don't know what grade it was,

We still don't know where this might lead.

My darling;

This was the 1970s,

I'm sorry I wasn't with you then,

I wish I had been there, then we might have known

more,

I'm sorry those records were wrongly forgotten.

And that nobody told you what was to come,

I'm sorry that the car crash and illness were the incidents that

pulled the final punch,

And I'm sorry that after 28 years,

We now sleep in separate rooms,

I ask of you a couple of things;

Please remember that,

I do this to keep us safe,

So that I can be there for you,

Care for you,

Support you,

And I love you.

My heart breaks with love,

I promise;

It still beats for you.