Older Daughters Live Twice

You cook, you clean, you become the second mother.

The younger kids are your siblings and run to you as if they had no other.

You get in trouble for not listening.

But you couldn’t help but stop your siblings from bickering.

You got schoolwork to do, but then again, the kids are hungry, so you’re on your way to the kitchen.

You realize you can’t cook because there is a sink of dirty dishes.

You breathe and say, “I know our mother is trying.”

You forgive her for the hurt she is hiding.

Realizing you feel her pain too, you just watch the kids because that’s what you’re told to do.

Now you want to go color and play; you just want to escape.

You realize you haven’t made friends in school, yet school became your safe place,

knowing when you come home, there are responsibilities waiting on you.

When did it change?

How did you go from playing being free to holding the title of “second mom” holding the household responsibilities?

Your mom works; she’s tired; she’s depressed.

Every morning, you’ve made sure these kids were fed and dressed.

Older daughters live twice because they live their childhood but experience a motherhood lifestyle.

It’s as if your sister became your first child.

You hold everything together when it all comes crashing.

Your grades are dropping; you see the times passing.

You have a test in math you didn’t study for; it almost seems unfair.

No, it wasn’t because you didn’t try or didn’t care; it was because you needed to braid your sisters’ hair.

You take a stand and you lift your head up high; you can’t take this anymore.

So you rush to me, your mother, and you let it all go as if you opened a new door.

I hear you, baby, I watched you grow, and I’m sorry I made you their mother.

My guilt and shame shouldn’t be the reason you take all the shots and all the blame.

I’m changing my ways; this isn’t a promise I’m just making it.

It’s the feeling of your heart as your mother, I feel your aching.

It’s because I haven’t been there for you three

days I’m blinded by broken opportunities

Days I have seen the glass half empty rather than full

I saw you live a life twice and it wasn’t something you’d rather do.

Knowing you with all your possibilities as your mother I should’ve never placed you with those responsibilities

I was just so happy you could because it made it easier on me

I should have realized it was a weight off me just cause I knew you could, doesn’t erase the fact for you it became heavy.

I will step up to where I’m supposed to be for you my angel

I will rip, tear and bend every part about me that felt as if I couldn’t

You’re only a child but motivated my spirt.

Older daughters live twice.

my oldest daughter unknowingly walked into my life through her eyes.

Open your eyes now baby you’re free to go your siblings are now the children you used to know.

Let them be your brother and sister, it’s a beautiful feeling to see you all grow.

A gift from God my oldest will forever be my comfort my joy, she was the first love I have ever known.