the wounds of attachment

A wise person once said, “attachment is the root to all suffering” .. but I question why no one told me family would be the root to mine.

My mom left because she felt unworthy to take care of me due to life’s age expectations.

My dad was invisible because he couldn’t mature for me, possibly because he didn’t know me — maybe even deeper like he didn’t know he had even formed me.

But still I blame my mom. Is that why I’m so hard, on myself, withstanding self-neglect. Hating the world for the cards I was dealt.

I’d suddenly begin to cling to everything, hoping it would feel like home to me. Now I think, I’ve made a hole so deep, sometimes I can’t sleep, other times I dread to use my feet.

Then I realize. It’s truly, not that deep.

The only truth is me.

I’m not the neglected kid that was invalidated.

She’s growing past the little girl her family isolated.

She’s fighting contemplation that she’s worth dating or that her light is truly radiating.

She’s decided to fight for what’s ahead. Everything, she thought was dead... we’re getting it spiritually fed!

Dying to attachment so I can fly again. This process always feel like I’m dying, maybe I’m already flying!