There Were Signs

ah, my brilliant girl—

you made a tactical mistake

in the war you waged upon yourself.

you underestimated your opponents

hidden in the shadows:

a mother’s love,

the human instinct to live,

the power of a single speck of cosmic dust.

there was a chink

in your teenage armor—

that damned grey hoodie

was not a fucking invisibility cloak.

yes, my beautiful girl,

you hid inside it for six months,

hoping no one could see you,

trying to drown yourself in the abyss.

but ah, my brilliant girl—

you made a tactical mistake.

makeup would’ve been better camouflage:

a fake megawatt smile,

designer labels,

prettiness that told the world,

everything’s fine.

no one suspects the girl who shines.

no one expects

the star of the show to dim,

the lights to cut to black.

you tried to disappear

into the shadows,

behind the curtains,

hoping no one would see you.

but it backfired, little one.

we saw you—

all of you.

we just couldn’t reach you.

ah, my brilliant girl—

you made many tactical mistakes

in the war you waged upon yourself.

your absence did not go unnoticed.

your invisibility

illuminated

everything.

your desperation.

your misery.

your hopelessness.

your disappearance left a void

we couldn’t help but feel.

ah, my brilliant girl—

you made a tactical mistake.

your steadfast partner betrayed you.

your hoodie cocooned you—

while it stayed the icy grasp of death.

my brilliant, desperate girl,

you forgot one thing:

you forgot to take off the hoodie—

when you got in the car that day;

the very thing

that tethered you

to the world.

to me.