You See But I Feel
A moment of truth
More and more I hear the words, spoken like a given compliment,
“You’re a strong woman,” “You must be very strong,” “You have a strong inner strength,”
But, how much thought has gone before these words? Any?
Or were they spoken from the voice of empathy, pity, or any other emotions felt at length?
**
I thank you for your perceived kindness, your effort to try to understand,
But please, I beg of you, stop praising my strength, my resilience, my fight!
For I fear I’ve been fighting, struggling, bleeding for far too long,
It’s exhausting, wearily disheartening; forever battling darkness and never reaching that promising light.
**
You feel it’s empowering but how very wrong you’ll one day discover you’ve truly been,
If only you stood beside me every step of the way,
But no! I’ve gone it alone, I’ve stood beside and defended the very people who always broke me in the end,
Become the butt of their jokes, had my loyalty tossed back at me as something evil I’d say.
**
You may see resilience, courage, strength and determination,
While behind the permanent mask I quiver in terror, in desperate solitude I cry rivers,
Forever feeling an outcast, thrown to her own defences at birth,
If there is such a warrior within me that you see — it’s one that hides behind her shadow and quietly decries her shivers!
**
Inside my internal battles, two frightened young kids swing and punch their way about,
One in defence of all the foolishness the other sees and feels,
Neither the hero your words attempt to portray; no, they squander their wisdom just to survive,
Running from disgrace, burning bridges and regrets that follow consistently upon my heels.
**
I’ve become the seamstress of all that nightmares are made of,
Sewing together the wounds that refuse to fully heal; battle-scarred and beaten,
Stitching each lesson into its associated lesion, scar tissue knitting it tight,
And I search amongst the bullet holes for encouragement when my get-up-and-go weakens.
**
You may see more than there really is, think I’m cruising the highway of life,
Believing nothing can beat me, I’m some superhuman; but you’ve got it all wrong,
In all honesty, I’m terribly broken and messily bloody; cowering in fear; if silently,
So, I’m sorry but none of this feels like I’m one of the strong!
About the Creator
Colleen Millsteed
My first love is poetry — it’s like a desperate need to write, to free up space in my mind, to escape the constant noise in my head. Most of the time the poems write themselves — I’m just the conduit holding the metaphorical pen.
Reader insights
Nice work
Very well written. Keep up the good work!
Top insights
Easy to read and follow
Well-structured & engaging content
Excellent storytelling
Original narrative & well developed characters
Heartfelt and relatable
The story invoked strong personal emotions
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One Unchecked Box
"Republished" because it was the only way to add the embed for the newly recorded audio version of this story due to the Top Story badge. Plus it serves as a nice, informal announcement of the podcast's revival for another season (go subscribe!):
By Stephen A. Roddewig7 days ago in Fiction
Comments (15)
brilliant honesty....absolutely beautiful share, thank you for reminding me that honest people have survived somehow
Toxic positivity is the absolute worst. It harms rather than helps us. No one should have to go through fire smiling!!
Lovely work. This is a feeling that is all too familiar to too many people. May you no longer NEED to be strong, brave, etc. I wish a peaceful, gentle life for you.
This touched me deeply. You’ve put into words what so many carry in silence. Sometimes the strongest people are the ones quietly holding themselves together — thank you for sharing something so real and honest.
Back to say congratulations on your Top Story! 🎉💖🎊🎉💖🎊
‘The seamstress of all that nightmares are made of’ and sewing for all that you are worth, I am sure. Bless you
I loved this. "If there is such a warrior within me that you see — It's one that hides behind her shadow and quietly decries her shivers!" I felt connected to this line for a moment. I can't be the picture-perfect person, and I'm not strong all the time, even though I try to be...This poem understands that. I love this so keep it up! :) 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
A reminder that behind strength and courage, there has likely been pain and struggle along the way to get there. An emotional and all too real piece!
I will say it definitely took strength to this raw, emotional piece. You've got it girl, even on the days you don't. 🤗🤗
Sending you lots of love and hugs, my kindred spirit 🥺❤️
THIS! I often get told I can face things with strength by people I work with. However, my mother knows that I’m an emotional person really. I feel like more than often, people don’t think I have feelings or even dismiss them for the sake of their own interests. Being powerful isn’t always all that.
I agree, I often get told I'm strong for some of the things I've been through. I don't feel it's strength, I just didn't have a choice, so I had to deal with it.
Powerful words and a lot to ponder, excellent work.
"It’s exhausting, wearily disheartening; forever battling darkness and never reaching that promising light." This is where it feels like I spend most of my days. It feels like being a punching bag that's simply tossed aside when others are finished taking out whatever they need to get out of their system. In the meantime, keep the mouth shut, don't stir the waters, certainly don't have a contrary opinion - or be ready to endure another pummeling. Thank you for writing this, Colleen. I really needed to get to read this.
I get what you're saying about people praising your strength without really understanding. It's like they don't see the struggle behind it. Been there.