Comeback

When I first started thinking about this challenge, I thought about the word renewal. The end of my 22 year marriage last year had me feeling all kinds of ways that were both dysregulating and exhausting, and my initial thought was that I should focus on rebirth, starting over as something and someone less stressed, less broken, and less worn down. My kids deserve a primary parent who can match their energy and respond to their needs with more patience, and the way things were going left me wanting to better figure out how to again be that dad that they deserve. These goals, however, didn't really seem like enough. An important baseline, perhaps, but what else could I aim for?

I know renewal or rebirth may imply a return to a place or person you once were, but I think the term comeback fits my goals for 2025 better. It's like when Mariah Carey had her mental breakdown after the failure of her film project Glitter, and though her next album Charmbracelet did okay, it wasn't until the Emancipation of Mimi and the huge success of her hit "We Belong Together" that folks allowed her to reclaim the term pop superstar. Charmbracelet may have renewed her reputation as a solid singer/songwriter, but Emancipation catapulted her back to the level of success she had before Glitter, while also pushing her success even farther forward across multiple musical genres. When I think of 2025, that's what I want. I'm not just aiming for a good album type of renewal that shows people I can still perform, but really more a mega-hit slam dunk comeback that tells folks to hold on, I'm (still) something spectacular.

And maybe that's what our dark world needs right now. More spectacular.

So how do I get there? First and foremost, I'm trying to listen more. Listen to my mind and body, listen to my children, and listen to the other people around me. I'm looking for opportunities to feel good and do things I love, instead of sitting things out or falling into overwhelm. I'm back to hosting a monthly storytelling program at a local museum. I'm back to going on dates when I meet someone I may like. I'm back to being creative at work instead of just pushing through and getting things done. I've found a new resource to care for my animals so I can travel occasionally, and I'm asking for help with my kids instead of allowing myself to feel isolated and alone in parenting. I'm still focused primarily on being a dad, but am working on the things that make me a joyful and loving parent. My youngest son used to snap pictures of me in the car and make fun of me with his friends on Snapchat, and my recent lack of humor has meant that he stopped doing that. I want to be that dad again who he can joke and laugh with, the dad who his friends say hi to or ask for support from. I know I'm still that guy- but that guy needs to make a comeback.

In other places, as well, I'm ready to shine again. I'm pushing harder at the gym and remembering how to be disciplined about my strength. I'm attending to wellness in new ways, and doing little things like paying more attention to wearing clothes that make be feel good and moisturizing. I bought a new razor for my bald head. I make sure I look good and dress right when attending all of my children's athletic competitions. So much of that is about being comfortable with being seen again, all while making myself more noticeable. The kids still get to be the focus, but I'm no longer fading into the background. Taking care of myself also shows my kids that I'm worthy, and that attention on being worthy of being seen is the pathway to the comeback I am mounting.

All of which is to say that while I may not have been crowned Artist of the Millenium and I don't have a five octave voice like Mariah, I have been a pretty remarkable guy in my own way. I'm ready to get back to and reach beyond that person who once was, and 2025 is the time to do it. And while it may seem like an odd time to make a comeback when the world is in such a dark place and hiding seems like such a great response, I also feel like I need to rediscover my best self and step up, both for myself and for my kids.

There's a line in "We Belong Together" where Mariah says to her ex-lover, "when you left I lost a part of me." I think I've been feeling that hard over the past year, and it's time to take back what was lost and create a whole new, better version of myself. Fun, talented, joyful dad is making a comeback this year, and the light I create will be my resistance. Buckle up.