Lockdown diary

I have just been reading how historians suggest people start to write journals and diary entries about the pandemic and lock down. Therefore in the future you can have first hand stories about how people remembered this time and how they got through it. One of my favourite historical book series is hidden voices, books made from first hand accounts of the two world wars. It includes account from both sides of the conflict and doesn't have any bias as both sides are represented.

So here is my first journal piece on the subject, with more to come possibly. I am in a strange position in that my everyday life hasn't changed that much. I still work full time and time at home has changed mainly as cant visit family or the gym. My fiancé and I didn't go out that much so in that respect its almost business as normal. Unfortunately she lost her job a few weeks before the lockdown and now cant find work, therefore we are on one wage.

I am a care worker, supporting young adults with additional needs in community setting. I support them to live their lives to the best possible level and to be as independent as they possibly can be. I therefore help them with eating, taking medication and to help them have a full life. Unfortunately they don't all understand the risks from the virus so we need to keep them washing and taking care. We spend all day cleaning and trying to keep them all safe. Of course we have to be careful that we don't infect them by bringing the virus in to the community.

So therefore I have to enter work, apply anti bacterial hand wash, put on a mask and apron, wash hands and start the day, often with gloves as well. It very hot and hard to breathe but should help to keep me and others safe. Especially as I know the virus has claimed lives near to me, especially in other care homes.

With other worries and dodgy mental health the seriousness of the virus didn't get to me as soon as it did for some. I was still busy with other things being processed through my head. As soon as work changed and more and more plans got ruined I started to take it all more seriously. So far my impending wedding had to be moved, 2 concerts were cancelled and the next venue is presently a make shift hospital. Its also a month from my eldest's 30th birthday, 3 weeks late my 50 the and a week after that my mums 75th. All of these could also be affected, so I might decide to be 49 for another year.

I have tried to limit my news input and instead limit the sources I get information from. I listen to live press conferences and take information given through work. Obviously I have the sense to ignore the conspiracy theories and the madness of lockdown protests. I wont be going for a group hug or into any buildings for a very long time. Good luck to all those who must have a burger or hair cut, I hope serious illness or even death is worth it.

This is all new to everyone and we all cope in different ways, often decided by our circumstances. Whether you have a garden and whether you are locked down with other people being two important points. I have my fiancé with me but no garden, in fact I go to work for green space as we have a lot of land. I am coping just about as still have some variety in my life, my fiancé is struggling at present as her life is pretty much all within four walls.

She is scared of catching the virus as well as worried about her father who has heart trouble. Plus she worries that I am safe plus about the lack of money we have with out her working. It where the schizophrenic life of a care worker is shown up the most. I am worried and can talk to my co workers, I cant show worry to residents or my fiancé as they all worry. So in my head I have to react and act depending on the company.

I keep hearing that things will improve soon and we will be allowed out more. As hard as it is for many people I would prefer it to go on for a while. Wait till its run its course as much as possible, I don't want it to restart and then come again. A few months more could save years of heartache, I want my life back but also want it to be a long one.