Road to Self-Discovery: Entry 1

By carminablogs | carminacatalunablogs.wordpress.com

Hi there,

Seven years since I embarked on the journey of starting a blog, it was not a personal choice. It was because I got a part-time job, but now I am ready to embrace personal blogging into my life.

It's been a long while since I published anything. And now, I am back not only to share my thoughts and ideas but to use writing as a tool to help me get my life back on track. For the last few years, I have felt very lost and confused. I still do, hence, why I am trying to write this blog. For this to make sense, let me start by sharing a bit about myself and the journey that led me to this moment.

WHO AM I?

I am in my mid-twenties, but I still feel like a teenager. I love karaoke and playing the piano. I am into movies and tv shows, and I like reading fantasy novels. A quiet park and the library are my two current go-to places. Music and quotes help me express my emotions. I also enjoy writing (like random thoughts I have). I'd like to believe that I am a jack of all trades but a master of none. Seriously, I can learn things fast and do them well (sometimes very well). However, doing things well doesn't mean I like what I do now. By that, I mean my job. Anyway, more about that later.

I am originally from the Philippines but currently residing in Australia. Three years ago, in September of 2019, I was granted a Student Visa. Yes, it was a life changer. I travelled approximately 3,473 miles. I am away from home, in a foreign country where the people, the language, the food, and the culture are very different. And it can all feel very overwhelming at times.

THE JOURNEY TO THE LAND DOWN UNDER

I have always wanted to go abroad since I was little. As a child, I always thought that flying outside my home country would mean a better future. More opportunities mean more money, and more money means living comfortably. Unbeknownst to me, I would be experiencing what I would like to call a pre-mid-life crisis. Going to another country is a big deal, leaving your home behind, being separated from your parents, family and friends for such a long time and distance. If it's not a big deal for you, it is for me at least. However, we're not here to talk about that. Maybe in another post, we'll cover more of that.

So back to the topic, my journey to the land down under started by having been granted a visa for vocational study, two years of two certificates in Commercial Cookery courses and a diploma in Hospitality Management. Long story short, I was given at least three study options (that would help lead to permanent residency) to pick. The most sensible at that time was to pick commercial cookery. Let me tell you a secret.

I hated working in the kitchen. I still do. I said I would change careers soon and that my current situation was just a means to an end. To top that, I don't have friends close to me. My friends are all from my college. And the college is a three-hour bus and train ride from where I currently live (yep, don't ask me, this is a whole different story by itself). In December of 2021, I finished my study. Mind you, my work right now still involves kitchen work.

For the last couple of years, life became just surviving daily and not living. Everything was about waking up to a routine without purpose: sleep, wake up, eat, work, repeat. I've reached the point where I asked myself if this is all that life has to offer? I mean, there's more to life than this, isn't there? My feeling of restlessness had grown much more for months. I don't know if this has to do with depression or just plain homesickness. All I know is that I am sick of life. I have tried reading self-help books. However, I still feel stuck and drained. And I know that if I change careers, that might help to give some meaning and purpose to life. The only problem is I don't know what career to pursue? I want to find work that I am equally passionate about as I am good at doing. The problem, you ask? I don't know what I am passionate about in life!

THE MOMENT THAT LED ME HERE

Moment of truth?

Hmm.

While trying to cope with the feeling of being lost, I came across a TED talk about discovering your passion. The speaker mentioned an organisation that sounded interesting. The speaker talked about how many people are dissatisfied in life and with their work. And that most of them wanted a change but did not know what to do or where to start. Curiosity got the best of me, so I checked their website. It is not cheap to pay if you want to join the community and take their courses, so I saved it as a bookmark in my browser. Contemplating for days whether it is worth the spend. Fast forward to yesterday (the 14th of July), I finally decided to pay and take an exciting journey to a program called 21 Days to Discover Your Passion. Unfortunately, once I explored the website, it was no longer active. The pinned post was from three years ago, and the most recent one was about a person with the same dilemma as me. It was hard to contact an admin since no information was available on the site. I panicked. 'I want a refund!' was the first thing that came to my mind. I googled and used social media to reach them. I have messaged several accounts that I believe to be related to the company. I checked the confirmation email that I received from them. Thank goodness. It was not an automated response. So I hit the reply button and asked for a refund.

While waiting to hear from them, I just decided to follow what used to be the downloaded lessons from the course. Lesson 1 said to start a blog and tell my story, so here I am.

Here's to hoping that this is a start! **cross fingers**

P.S. I received a reply confirming that they processed my refund request yesterday. I am still waiting to get back the money in my bank account.