Women You Dislike Are Allowed To Be Victims

Awareness of women's experiences with domestic violence and abuse have come to the forefront of cultural discourse in the last decade. The #MeToo movement changed the way the media and society at large respond when a woman makes an allegation against a famous man. Overall, this has helped reveal serial abusers in prominent roles, but what happens when the accused is a well-beloved man? And, perhaps the accuser an unlikeable woman? The response becomes more complicated and uglier than normal.

Most recently, the Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni drama has exemplified this complex response. Firstly, I should note that unlike other cases, Lively is not accusing Baldoni of a crime, and the lawsuit is civil. Thus, the repercussions—in my opinion—are not career-ending. However, this does also make the Lively and Baldoni case different from other notable cases where allegations of criminal rape or sexual assault are involved.

Initially, The New York Times posted a video outlining the lawsuit and the evidence presented by Blake's lawyers (that was public). This included alleged texts that do not reflect well on Baldoni. This video sparked thousands of articles and videos ranging from celebrity gossip YouTube videos to deep readings of the lawsuit filing. Under other circumstances, this case may have gone relatively unnoticed (or not been filed at all). But, because it involved a highly anticipated book-to-movie adaptation and two actors that many people have strong feelings about, it seems everyone has an opinion on the Lively/Baldoni lawsuit.

Blake Lively first became a household name when she played one of the lead characters on Gossip Girl in the 2000s. She has never reached a "beloved" status but has been successful as an actress. Her acting work is less frequent (presumably because she now has three children with her husband, Ryan Reynolds), but she does work closely on producing and directing many projects.

Justin Baldoni became prominent on Jane the Virgin in the 2010s. He has become well-liked for his openly feminist views and idyllic family life. Like Lively, Baldoni has also begun working more behind the camera. The movie he and Lively worked on together (and which is the subject of the lawsuit) was directed by Baldoni.

In the court of public opinion, it seems to have loudly shifted away from Lively. Baldoni's previous work and openness about women's issues made him a popular male figure in Hollywood, which is often overrun with male figures who do not make the same efforts, has served as evidence that Lively is trying to defame him.

Lively—who has also advocated for women for many years—on the other hand, has had problems with her reputation since her time on Gossip Girl. Many believe her to be snooty, entitled, and, for lack of a better term, a bitch. Personally, I think this is a mix of conflation with her character and some missteps in her early career (for reference, she had just turned 20 when Gossip Girl premiered). This most recent lawsuit has brought back many previous criticisms of Lively, such as her and Reynolds holding their wedding on the site of a former plantation. Notably, this criticism has not affected Reynolds's career or reputation long term, even though he was the one who released the public apology and was 50% of the couple getting married.

Baldoni has had few controversies in his career—though his career has notably been almost a decade shorter than Lively's when considering their breakout roles on CW shows—and any he did face generally went away without issue.

I have been a fan of Lively and Baldoni separately. While neither has been someone I pay attention to constantly, I did like to see Baldoni's advocacy and Lively's growth and transformation as an actress. When the first New York Times report came out, I was shocked. Out of all the men in Hollywood, I did not expect Baldoni to be the accused in a case like this—though, again, I think it is important to note that Baldoni is not being charged with nor accused of a crime—but I also staunchly believe in believing women.

Even if Lively is truly awful, that does not mean she could not have been a victim and deserve compensation. Disliked women are often laughed at, ridiculed, insulted, and threatened when they bring accusations against a man, even if they are objectively true. Additionally, a disliked woman's response to the abuse or rape is often dissected and analyzed to a microscopic degree.

The Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case also involved a loud and brash response against Heard, who did have some concrete evidence that Depp had abused her. Depp also accused Heard of abuse, but it must be questioned: Was this a reaction to the abuse or in self-defense?

Reactionary abuse is a split-second reaction to abusive behavior. This can include behaviors such as hitting, yelling, or manipulation. Sometimes, reactionary abuse can take a different form from the initial abuse. For example, verbal abuse invokes a physical response from the person being abused. This reaction is usually then co-opted by the abuser to further put down the abused person and gain control over them.

Legally, most reactionary abuse is still prosecutable. This changes in cases of self-defense, where a physical reaction is considered understandable. But, while reactionary abuse may still constitute a legal crime in some cases, it does complicate the overall appearance of abuse and abuse victims on the surface.

The Lively and Baldoni case—while not involving violence—continues to show that disliked women will always have a higher burden of proof when it comes to the media and public opinion. This is already on top of women—in general—not being believed. Women of color and transgender women often face even more barriers to justice, and many may choose simply not to pursue a civil or criminal case against their abuser.

Lively has the privilege of white skin, money, a cisgender identity, and a supportive husband. Without these privileges, it is unlikely a case never would've been brought at all (regardless of the validity of the case), or a woman would have her career and life ruined irreparably.

So, is Lively using her privilege and navigating intense public scrutiny to make it easier for women in the future? Is she defaming Baldoni? Was Baldoni's feminist advocacy an act? What will the ultimate outcome of the case be?

I don't have the answers to these questions, nor am I passing judgment on the allegations themselves. But the scrutiny Lively faces hurts all women facing similar circumstances. There are absolutely legitimate criticisms of Lively and Baldoni, but, in this case, it is up to the courts to determine who is civilly liable.

Women also deserve to be held responsible for their abusive behavior. But the current public outlook does not give them a fair chance when making accusations. Abuse committed in the past or general dislikability does not negate victimhood. Personal feelings aside, everyone deserves to have their day in court.

My point is: the bitchy cheerleader, the cold-hearted CEO, the girl next door, black girls, trans women, your mother-in-law and even the women you hate most in your life deserve to be listened to and heard when bringing allegations of abuse and victimization. A man—no matter how good or bad his reputation—automatically has more credibility than a woman.