Solo traveller

She was an explorer. Of the world within and without. She was the microcosm connected to the macrocosm at all times. And her inner world was even more mysterious than the wonders of this planet. She stood between two worlds, and every experience out there changed her inner landscape. She loved the adventure, and the adventure loved her back.

The traditional, age-old archetype of this kind of traveller was, of course, always male. Women simply couldn’t survive out there by themselves in the centuries prior to the one she found herself in. Not because they were weak or inadequate, but because they had no autonomy, no rights , and needed a man to make it through the wilderness of human society.

She, however, lived in a very different time. The world was her oyster. And she had never felt lonely, even when she was alone. In fact, she needed solitude far more than she needed company.

She grew up as an only child, left to her own devices much of the time. It was more a case of neglect really. She was raised by a single mother you see, a woman who worked two jobs at the time in order to meet their material needs. It was a third world country, and the economy wasn’t exactly supportive of single parents.

Ironic, isn’t it? Ours is a generation of women who supposedly don’t need men. Yet a family unit still needs two people to ensure all child’s needs are met, not only the physical ones.

Inevitably, since her mother had to make sacrifices, she held it against our heroine. The guilt trips, the accusations, the blame and shame - all familiar melodies in their shared history. But perhaps it wasn’t inevitable after all; she hadn’t exactly asked to be born, yet was made to carry the burdens of someone else’s choices.

Changing her geography to create some distance from the manipulation seemed like a wise choice. There was a romantic heartbreak too, of course, and the need to get as far away as possible from a man who had once been her whole world.

Escapism. Isn’t that the reason why most human beings travel?

There is a pull to explore and experience, sure. But equally there is a pull to get away from. The flight part of the fight and flight response. Perhaps it’s a bit of both.

They say that not all those who wander are lost. And she wasn’t lost. Nor was she trying to ‘find herself’ exactly, it was more of a rediscovery, getting reacquainted with herself , learning what makes her tick.

You see, for many years she didn’t really know herself, what she truly needed and wanted. There was no one around to mirror that back to her. Things were imposed for the most part. Survival was the priority, and no one cared how she felt inside.

And so it took relocating from East to the West in order to establish enough safety to begin to explore her inner landscape. The little girl who once longed to be seen had found her own reflection in the world - in mountains, oceans, and faces of strangers.

And though her story began in survival, it unfolded into something far greater - freedom.