Anna Torres
Bio
I’m a 39-year old mother and student. I love reading, metal music, and writing. I have begun writing again since 2021
Stories (160)
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Tempestuous
I keep reaching out to you but I cannot seem to grasp hold of you. I cannot find you amongst the rubble, amongst the prehistoric soil. It's a perpetual game of hide and seek where the perfect version of me exists out there somewhere. On the hunt for adequacy, any hint of excellence or supremacy. I am a random puzzle piece that just cannot fit correctly within herself. She is a tempestuous one, a volatile and disconnected affliction. Why am I always so conflicted with myself? To live inside this vacant crater, this body that I had no choice in? I never loved what I saw in the mirror. I've tried to accommodate myself but I always end up at odds with myself instead. How can you love yourself when you can't even look past your own flaws and inaccuracies? I can't build myself up despite wanting to climb higher. I can only push myself forward in order to prove I am capable. I have to crawl faster just to out smart the me that is always dragging me down. There is a doppelganger that continues to offend me so. There is a double that masquerades as me but I am the better one. She is the amount of self-esteem I just cannot contain. Anxiety is a curse I have learned to live with. I can't help but loathe this part of me that just ridicules me so. She points the finger at me, wondering why I can never measure up. As high as our standards are, we can never meet nor exceed our own expectations. We fall short of our sense of self-respect. I have kept us alive despite never giving us a reason why. I cannot get my own reassurance nor validation from myself. There is tremendous lack of confidence that I just never had. How can you afford worthiness with no spine? I continue to search for her, the me that I'm so jealous of. I'm so envious of a clone that has outperformed me in every aspect of my life. How can I beat her when I cannot be her? How can people reunite with themselves and regain composure? I can't continue to disregard myself. I keep reaching out for you but you won't take my hand. I keep on your trail just for the scent to turn cold. Please don't abandon me here. You're all I've got. You're my last sense of hope in this desolate landscape. I keep praying I'll find you. I pray you're looking for me too.
By Anna Torres5 months ago in Poets
Wrath
I am here where I'm supposed to be. I am ready now. For the wickedness to leave my pulse. For my arteries to stitch themselves back alive again. Decaying flesh can revive and reanimate. Necrotic bones can re-assimilate. Resuscitation is not just for coma death. Rediscovery is my favorite hobby. I aim for resurrection while you asphyxiate in dormant sleep. I have erupted beyond your corrupted fatalism. Rotting lungs grasp for solid breaths. Putrid blood gave birth to will power and tenacity. My persistence was always better than your flimsy arrogance. You used me to raise your progeny while you kept me timid and desperate. As if I couldn't do any better than you. Like there was no living beyond these barren trenches you kept me trapped in. There was nothing original, nothing tangible in your projected facade. You mimicked every emotion to pretend to feel. Your soul had fled but it was never really there. Abusers never care about the harm they leave in their wake. They weaponize incompetence in order to feed their massive egos. They sacrifice you in order to continue their perpetual cycle of dominance. Victims are always plentiful because we turn a blind eye to insipid narcissism. I am haunted by the truth because it is all I have. You refuse to acknowledge any mishandling of my naive heart. You couldn't break it because it was never yours to keep. I didn't adore you as much as you required me to. I didn't worship your footsteps nor did I devote myself to an altar of disbelief. You are not the saint you wanted to be. You're not the survivor I turned out to be. I face an unknown future unapologetic. I received no apologies from you. You will never admit any wrongdoing because you make no mistakes. You planned on me driving headfirst into disaster but I survived the collision. Whiplash and cataract vision could not alter what was meant to be. You didn't permit me to live but I annihilated that merciful part of myself. I continue to defy parameters you set up for me. I tried to penetrate your darkness for 15 years but you were made up of shadows. You were the virus that infected and invaded every aspect of my well-being. I was fearful of what a life without your malevolence would be like. I grew accustomed to your intolerable ignorance. I couldn't prove your injustice but I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The world may never be rid of your presence but my life will no longer serve your glorious purpose. Your damnation will be your downfall. Mayhem will abandon me and follow you instead. May you forever incur my infernal wrath. I am incapable and unwilling to process this any further. I don't have to wait for what's to come. I am prepared for the desirable Here. I'm already Now.
By Anna Torres5 months ago in Poets
Impious Grudge
I've rewritten history. Self-preservation became a lifestyle. I've escaped barbaric entrapment. From mouth gags and tongue suppressors to articulation and fierce bravado. I take delight in taking back my power. I spend more time howling at the moon than barking at my own despair. You're not worth my hesitation anymore. It was sacrilege to defy your orders. It was impious to disregard your laws. I learned to live in pieces to conform to your whims. Blindfolded and being led by the blind clergy. Clarity was a gift I had to fight to give to myself. All that lay sacred was sacrificed in the wake of your departure. You were revered until I lost all respect for you. All my trials were Sisyphean because you were still here to impede them. It was impiety that forced you out of my life. This level of mutual destruction was built on an empire of immorality. I had to pay for your sins because you couldn't afford the price. Your godliness was an illusion. My blasphemy was a grudge you couldn't take. I carried all of your misdemeanors as you watched me falter. You claimed my doubt made me a heathen. My skepticism was of my own doing. I've renounced from this apostasy because there is no proof of your holiness. My faith is no longer your concern. I've defected and you can't locate me anymore. You couldn't believe in the amount of heresy I had reserved for you. I've rewritten history and took my future away from you selfish hands. I've chosen impiety to make myself pure again. Your wreckage lies dead at my feet. This grudge will not last forever but it will keep me safe for now. I'm more formidable than you could possibly comprehend. I'm prioritizing myself because I have to. The muzzle is off and the silence is forgotten. The censorship has been lifted. Your futile attempts to suppress me have been in vain. You have failed. The truth prevails.
By Anna Torres6 months ago in Poets
Devaluation
Sinister and disloyal. You demanded more from me than from yourself. Inflated ego but you wouldn't take my silence. Detachment was my superpower but you ignored my request. I swore revenge on your betrayal but I'm working in the shadows now. I move in slow motion so you can't catch me in the act. Control is your endgame even after your pretend happily ever after. You projected every possible uncertainty unto me while you internalized make believe superiority. What made you so angry and arrogant? Defensive and oblivious, you purposely made me question reality. Discarded with no remorse. No regard for how I would pick up the pieces alone. Forever obstructing my focus and willpower. Crooked and dilapidated. Bent and twisted and possibly broken. Unrestrained disorder and tumultuous chaos. There's no room left for traitors anymore. You robbed me of equality and never provided me with empathy. There was no peace allowed where compassion failed to tread. What you lack is any hint of composure. You remain primordial and uncivilized. I've picked up my sceptor with fortitude and strength. I've resumed my place on this coveted throne. No more appeasement to a villainous threat. I am much better on my own. I don't want to die just so you can live. I just don't want the terror that you give. Malicious sinner, your deeds are done. You're forgiven by no one. Intentions were always selfish and impure. Your violations do not have a cure. I disagree with every absent excuse. I disagree with you entirely. Thank you for the mayhem but I dared to dream bigger.
By Anna Torres6 months ago in Poets
Evanesce
It isn’t how you imagine it. It’s not a linear path to romance or success. Its fulfillment isn’t based on wealth or possessions. How you disappear into yourself is however you wish it to be. To envelop yourself within your own folds and crevices. Beyond any precipice or fissure holding you back. Every unique incision is another way to evaporate into miniscule fracture. How do we dissolve entirely? How do we dissipate suddenly? The only way to know is to simply escape. I aim to lose myself within the confines of myself. To explore every corner in the recesses of my mind. I will swallow myself and regurgitate into something new. To evanesce into the unknown but I know I will know it soon enough. I will claim what is rightfully mine. To find the center of myself as I become transparent. The universe will revolve around me as well as the galaxy. I will go into the void and be one with the grains of sand. I will survive in the abyss as I count the numerous stars in the infinite sky. I will shrink as I erupt. It’s not how you imagine it. It’s not set in stone nor is it preconceived. It’s taking flight to the middle of yourself. What makes you you? What secrets and desires lie beyond the surface of yourself? I can’t tell you how to disappear into oblivion. I can only wish you good luck as you search for the answers to all the unasked questions
By Anna Torres6 months ago in Poets
Remains of an Egotistical Planet
Ego is a trickster and it has become you. It is a deceiver and it distorts the truth. You can conform, bend, and crack to its whims. But acrobatics are not your strength nor are your atrophying limbs. Amends will not right this injustice. Time will not aspire to erase your legacy of pain. I envy the resilience I haven't yet accrued. The world Lazarus returns to will be this one, indeed. She will eventually become me. You have no say in how I mop up the blood. The rags that soak up the loss aren't yours to navigate. I was fixated on you and your approval of me. With no one holding me back, maybe it's not too late. You will spend forever trying to discredit me. My mistakes were macro while your inactions were micro. You're the opposition eternally embedding itself into my source code. Preventing me from prevailing which is second nature now. You're the blockade resisting my regulation. Everything you did only propelled me forward. I only grew more unsettled while I settled for you. I'm still searching and still seeking for better, for more. Yesterday took too much from me and you took even more. You're still throwing stones and wishing me harm. I can't imagine unhappiness with you anymore, I can only see beyond. I know there will be a day of reckoning but you will never care. I have this gift of freedom and I refuse to squander it. You are the remains of an egotistical planet. You deserve every inconvenience that is coming your way. I am running off in the opposite direction. You're on your own from here
By Anna Torres7 months ago in Poets
Hush
You tried to hush this fire asleep. With prophetic doom and abhorrent evil. I had to sever the anchor in order to regain control of my life. The horrors persist but so do I. You taught me pain even when I didn't ask for it. You prescribed sleep when I wanted to stay awake and alive. I watched your outer shell fall thick to the ground. Your cocoon erupted as you slithered out of your tunnel. Open wide the gates of misery and despair. As I jumped off the precipice to alleviate my impending demise. You orchestrated a hostile takeover amidst infinite warfare. You tore my soul into ruins because you never had one. You can't climb up out of purgatory with no one to receive you. These illusions gave rise to more useless grandeur. You can't take credit for what you didn't contribute to. I was always a universal force while you were a lesser wind. I was the host to your parasitic party. You hollowed my insides out completely at my expense. A symbiotic marriage where I lay comatose while you thrived. You were the tumor I repeatedly tried to cut out. Your brittle spirit refused to budge with no incentive. You were the toxin that refused to evacuate. Your silence spoke volumes for you instead. I learned to scream in foreign tongues to commemorate my freedom. You can abandon me in the abyss because it is safer without you. You can throw me into the void because I can navigate without you. Oblivion is better than visceral revulsion. I tried to stifle the magma but the lava wouldn't quit. The barriers you installed just couldn't contain the volcano in me. The myriad of passing years was a lesson in disguise. There was hope in unshaken reality in the shadow of disarray. I felt your coldness even in the ensuing furnace. You can melt in the face of adversity. I can manage in the aftermath of expulsion. I can create paradise in your wake. You tried to extinguish these explicit flames that offended you so much. You smothered and dowsed my plans in order to halt my progress. You destroyed yourself in an attempt to dismantle me. You have failed to hush this fire completely. It runs rampant while you waste water and energy trying to stifle it. This fire is not yours to control. It is not yours to subdue. I am not yours to govern and restrain anymore. This fire persists. My fire resists
By Anna Torres7 months ago in Poets
Attempted Illumination
You reached the horizon in time. I'm still a millisecond behind but it's enough to make it last place. I'm always playing catch up and this game is wearing me down. I'm already running out of oxygen and you're well aware. You can't bother turning around and making sure I'm doing all right. All that matters is you. My lungs are heaving and I'm trying not to convulse too heavily. My breath is caught in my throat but you never noticed. Please don't leave here. I can't beg with my words because they will go unheard like always. I can see the rejuvenating sunlight reach the edge of the surface but I can't seem to reach it. I try to grasp the string of enlightenment but it always runs ahead of me. I can't escape the feeling of drowning nor can I flee from this desertion. You could never muster the strength to include me in your own arrogance. You created an egocentric universe with me worshiping you from my orbit. So close but always so far away. You've reached the finish line and have already celebrated your glory. I watch my attempt at failed illumination come to light. But my mind is suddenly now clear. The tension ruptures as you break free. This is a scene on replay. Over and over again, you continued to choose yourself. You've shed the anchor holding you down like I'm a weight forcing you to hold on. I can't hold on anymore. Please turn around and wait for me. My suffering has got to mean something after all this time. After all of this neglect, you left me stranded again once more. I've been jettisoned. I've been marooned while you enjoy the spoils of your feast. If this scenic ocean had a drain, you would have left me spiraling out of submission. The water is still. I am floating even though I am dying. I can't beg you to notice me anymore. The shallow waves match your insincerity. I have wasted precious time on you, hoping you would relieve me of this pain. Now the pain is subsiding. I am content in this mesmerizing abyss. The sea water is silent but my heartbeat is deafening. My pulse is weakening. I can't force you to care after all this time. You've reached the horizon and I won't be there to applaud you for it. I'm in second place but we both know it's always last. I can't beg you to turn around anymore. It all makes sense now. You will always delight in watching me drown
By Anna Torres7 months ago in Poets
Emergence
I've been reduced to a dwarf planet. I lay bonded with the trauma at its core. The wound was invisible but still so painful. Discarded at the end and left abandoned at the the door. I was applauded once, enormous with potential. We reached our expiration date extremely early. I failed to crumble while you soiled my name. I abstained from doubt to preserve my identity. There was a hymn full of gospel and truth. A purge of discovery and exclusion. You were never on my team, never on my side. It was me versus you and everyone else under the sun., There was no reason for your madness. You trapped yourself in a conspiracy of your own making. I lay forgotten in the numb and the dark. My name is spoken in whispers where I'm still unseen. You didn't value any of my contributions. Your silence has given me much needed clarity. No closure or even apology why I must suffer. I've tamed the external chaos, now I'm focusing internally. I prospered so much without you. My orbit is lonely but I'm fine with no distractions. My imbalance does not alter my true status. I'm not defined by coordinates anymore, I'm now a celestial constellation. You can't get rid of me even though you've tried. I'll be beyond your grasp so pay me no mind
By Anna Torres7 months ago in Poets
The Unsanctioned Regime
What was once tolerated is now outlawed. Vile and ever so incompetent. The end of days is nigh but you pay it no mind. The quest for freedom is a perilous one. I fought off the raiders but you were always the most powerful one. A force that neglected my entire existence. Invalidation was the worst form of abuse you could ever do. You wanted spineless devotion but my backbone wouldn't operate like that. I've always been the committed one while you only demonstrated turbulence. You massacred those who dare to reveal your true nature. A bloodbath reserved for radicals and criminals. Our complex system deteriorated because I refused to bow down. You had no choice but to abdicate, to resign. These walls have been fortified in case I ever appear weak again. You would take advantage of any slim opportunity to watch me suffer. Obsessed with maintaining control to exert your power over me. You would die were it not for painful worship from me. You were always a detriment to my devotion. I begged for you to meet me at my high standards or don't meet me at all. You couldn't rule over this regime because it wouldn't allow itself to be ruled. The traitor was never me but you instead. A military coup was never in the works but the dissidents are closing in. The rebel fighters are knocking on the palace door. They've not come for your apologies but for your head. I thought I loved you. I had convinced myself I couldn't survive without you. That I couldn't do any better and that asphyxiation equaled loyalty because I knew nothing else. I bombarded you with selflessness while you weaponized my lack of reassurance. You squandered any hope we had at civilized reconciliation. You were skilled at failed propaganda and fake news. Your treachery will fall before your treasonous lies ever will. You exploited every inch of my sanity all for your egotistical agenda. Your prepared speeches never addressed your true intentions. Your authority was never voted for, it was institutionalized. You wanted a fight to the death but I just wanted my distance. I just wanted my peace and freedom. You can continue to live in whatever delusional reality you choose. Play the victim while you control the narrative. I don't care anymore. I'm the infidel you couldn't kill. I'm the savage rogue you could never own. I pledged my life to you but now that pledge belongs to me. No more coercion from a bloody tyrant. You are beyond the point of redemption, of salvation. What's your contingency plan, thief? You can't barricade yourself on your illegitimate throne. Your lack of conscience is your undoing as your empire lies in ruins. The civil war you created is now tampered with explosions and perpetual chaos. The bombs are falling and it will soon be time to rejoice. The fighter jets are approaching and the fires of sedition are on arrival. Your sins are no longer incurable. You provoked enemy wrath and will obey future consequences. The burden of service is not your responsibility anymore. Step down or we will make you step down. The gates have been breached and we have come for our revolution. The army is full of resistance soldiers. The gunfire is right next door. Be brave for once, my ruthless captor. Face the end of your dynasty and these protests will cease. The catacombs are sealed off. There is no farewell escape. Throw your false crown into the ashes of your failed oligarchy. We wave the flag of proposed prosperity. You have been defeated, my former love. The dictator has fallen. The unsanctioned regime has crumbled. We are finally free.
By Anna Torres8 months ago in Poets
Dead Wait
I lie in wait but couldn't cut the dead weight. Smothered by the arid wind of your avarice. Frosty chill of your cold exterior. Frigid demeanor lost in the translation of your soul. Brittle like petals but you couldn't rip me apart from my stem. You are rotten and pathetic to the core. I've had enough for excessive torment. Fed up with spineless morons and arrogant malice. I collected heads for my amusement but now I sever them to keep my peace. You always ridiculed my scales but they were made of dragon flame. This crown of serpents rivals your failed attempt at a villainous coup. With my ascension goes your felonious escapade. I stared daggers in your direction but have yet to seize your life. Turning you into stone is on my to do list. You forced this place to be a tundra but it was always meant to be a sanctum. You treated me like roadkill even when I was convinced I still needed you. I am prepared for the slaughter while you still lie in cowardice. I asked to be left alone to my own pain. I begged for peace in my quest for serenity. I requested reprieve because I couldn't harbor any more grudges. This bloodshed is of your own doing. You couldn't leave me in shambles. You had to return to reduce me to further ruin. I wasn't lost in the ashes small enough to not cause any more harm. My very existence was a reminder I had survived your wrath. I could prove your unworthiness and this was worse than any twisted truth you could manipulate. I didn't want this. I wanted my space to soothe my wounds. You brought out the Medusa in me and this Gorgon is out for your blood. I will build a shrine in honor of my peace of mind. My asylum will lay undisturbed. A haven where you cannot enter. My refuge will be safe from hostile hands. A tranquility of solace and relief. When will this be over? When my Everest is rid of your cruel indifference? I don't want your amnesia. I want your head in my grasp so I can finally rest in solitude. You've given me no choice. I have to do this.
By Anna Torres8 months ago in Poets
Fear
It's a confession I'm afraid to admit. I've let the turbulence consume and rob me of my fortitude. I keep going because I've give myself no other choice. I've sought my freedom for many years and I refuse to relinquish it so willingly. I fear I'm not good enough to accomplish anything worthwhile. I fear I don't matter and that all of my goals are naive and unrealistic. I've convinced myself that I'm not worthy enough to live with happiness. You manipulated me into believing it too. Living with toxicity and breeding with it has made me cautious of every single blessing coming my way. It's easier to doubt my path than strive with confidence. What little I had, you stripped from me. Little by little, you chiseled away with your hammer until my marble foundation came to ruins. As much damage you inflicted, I wished you just as much harm so you could feel all of the pain I was suffering from. The abuse we endured and all the trauma we caused just forced me to become bitter and resentful. The fear has left me pitying myself. Our symmetry was never aligned how I wanted. You can lie to yourself but I cannot. I face the truth everyday and it is fear that punishes me so. Fear of the future where I'm afraid I'm forever unworthy of love. My insecurities have exacerbated my anxiety. This anxiety cripples me until I unravel, thread by thread. When the moment passes, I stitch myself back together again. I am excellent at building myself back up again. I just have to fall apart first. Will I ever be worthy enough for love to find me? Will I ever find true inner peace? Anxiety holds my hand but offers no comfort. Fear walks beside me but is not my friend. Bravery is a trait I keep searching for. Confidence is not my strength but I have no choice but to keep going. Mostly out of spite but also to prove I can do this. I fear I have been condemned. I fear I am doomed by my own failures. I've come so far just to remember how far I have left to go. To be satisfied would be a luxury. Anxiety is a burden I wouldn't wish on anybody. Fear is a motivator when there is no other option available. By default, I will keep on persevering. I will keep being resilient because I have no excuse. Anxiety will always be here but it won't always control me. Fear won't always make me so insecure. My flaws are not defined by my own high expectations and standards. My grim view of reality is not real. Anxiety, please be kind to me. I really am trying my best. Fear, I beg you to at least let me lead the way. I must travel far to find myself. Please allow me to do this.
By Anna Torres8 months ago in Poets
