Holly DeSha

The Purpose

Complete dread and devastation is the only way to capture the way I felt the day I had to leave my children in Rhode Island. It was totally out of anything completely normal or rational. I didn't even care at that point of time how other people would see me because I knew how hard I tried and the lengths I took to take care of my children with all my power. If others thought I was a "dead-beat" mom then so be it because I knew as well as God or the universe - the totality of the way things played out were only meant to happen so I could get to the point I am at now. The reality of the situation is I left my children's father two years prior to almost becoming homeless, and having no other choice but to rely on the support of my family miles away (primarily my father). I had no choice but to move back to Missouri where I was born and raised but I was inevitably without my children. I could not physically move my children out of the state of Rhode Island without the permission of a judge or - my children's father. The only way to explain how I felt is that it was some kind of gut wrenching obstacle I just could not defeat without a miracle. The even better realization was none of that mattered.