Really just an amateur trying my hand at this.
It’s hard, it really is. We all do it, we all hold on too long. To things better left behind. Relationships included. Not forgotten, just dismissed.
By Katie about a year ago in Poets
Here I am again. Standing outside, looking in. Sitting the sidelines as the game winds down. Having hardly ever gotten to push play in my own movie.
My life bleeds away, one breath at a time. This countdown a constant stactic in the back of my thoughts. How I yearn to be free of my hours being spent in other’s endeavors.
Clarity. I have moments of clarity, mere seconds. Mere seconds, when, some slight breeze of unknown origin moves aside the vail that clouds our inner vision.
Belief, such a tenuous thing. Easily destroyed in many. My own beliefs included. Lately though, I had found renewed strength.
Emptied, forcefully. I’ve pushed myself to this purging, this letting go. For so long I’ve held it close, for so long it’s held me in it’s grasp.
Is there time for flowers, still? Some lingering blooms that wait til fall. Their beauty revealed as others fade. Do I have the time to pause and gaze, to smell and listen.
Perception. I could easily give in, despite my normally positive, usually happy outlook towards life, I could easily give in.
Would I be, could I be, given the chance, that image of me that so often dances in my dreams? However briefly. Would one moment suffice, to quell this lifetime of want?
What has accured, I accept. All that has happened, all that foul water under the bridge, that changed me, I accept this,
What would I do? If I did. Or, what should I do? First. To gain back control of my life. Some semblance of balance, some small moderation of bad habits.
By Katie 2 years ago in Poets
I don’t want to not anymore. I’ve spent too many years not doing, not going, not eating, not living......,fully. Not even being able to be in the moment.
