Sparrow on a Plank Chapter 15: When Bad Stew Happens to Worse Merchants

2 When Bad Stew Happens to Worse Merchants

Sal and Hajime deal with some paperwork while Rick deals with some hopeful merchants.

Rick was returning to the boat. He had taken an empty cart into town with a bag full of coins, and converted it into a cart full of alcohol and snacks. The quartermaster was no doubt replenishing supplies on his own, so as to make sure that there were no problems later on, but he had been sent into town with a different set of orders. It had taken him an hour to find all of the cheeses, sausages, and small crackers that the captain had requested him to find, but the alcohol had taken just a few minutes. He had been warned about accepting cheap wine, as it may be laced with drugs and other additives, so he concentrated on beer and rum, looking for mid-level quality and slightly above price. He had also taken a side trip as well, deciding to add a few bags of sweetmeats and other small items, such as some small breads.

All told, he had the fixings of a great party, and the crew should be able to enjoy themselves. The only thing he hadn't been able to been to procure were women, but he didn't think it was fair to grab women who wouldn't be able to get a ride home. He had debated seeing if any of them were interested in exploring other lands, but the window he had been given was too short for proper interviews, so he had scratched that idea. Hopefully, those interested in such would be able to find comfort in the arms of their fellow sailors, as some already did. At least the apprentice racket he had going in that regard gave him a small commission.

It was an easy enough trip into town and back. And then there was the crowd of people waiting at the gangplank. He had to force his way through those attempting to access the boat with their wares and propositions. They were being pointedly ignored by the sailors guarding the ship from invasion.

“First mate coming through!”

“Oh, please. Like they would buy that one.” A portly merchant looked at Rick like he was the biggest beetle, and one he wanted squished. The rest of the crowd didn't look at him in any higher regard.

Rick puckered his lips, debating exactly how he was going to prove his bona fides, and then settled on a basic quote. Using the voice that could be heard over the loudest storm, he aimed his vocal attack at the sailor he saw near the top of the gangplank. “Bosum Jack, clear me a path or I'm personally busting you down to apprentice, and you know what I do with apprentices!”

Within moments, a way had been cleared and the cart started its way up. A merchant who thought himself particularly bold but was in reality just particularly stupid tried to follow him up; the merchant quickly found himself pushed off the plank and into the warm water below. He quickly swam to shore, but not fast enough to escape the laughter and scathing remarks of his fellow merchants.

The cart was quickly escorted to the mess where the cook started prepping the food for the party, with some help from bored sailors. Rick grabbed an apple and headed to the head of the keel, leaning on the carved dragon that made the prow. He started carving the apple and eating the slivers, wondering where Sal was and if she was okay. They needed to return soon or they might start entertaining the merchants out of sheer boredom. Or sending more into the drink. Which actually sounded like more fun...

* * * * *

Under her paper skin Sal was actually sweating. The paper was a lot stronger than it should be; obviously it was enhanced through some magic means. She only hoped her partner would be able to do something about the situation.

Hajime had problems suppressing a smile. The first thing he did was to summon water, toss a ball of it at the man, and duck back behind his corner. He managed to include Sal in the area of effect, and so his power over her was shattered. He quickly mastered his breathing and then drank a rather volatile substance that coated his mouth. He then lit a flamestick, which should last for a minute and he stepped into the open. He didn't blow out the flamestick knowing the effect was going to be worth it.

The paper mage was furiously looking for some dry paper. Hajime threw a pebble at the man to get his attention. The man turned just in time to see a ball of fire hit him. The man escaped with singed clothing; his eyebrows and hair, however, were now just wisps of smoke and memory. The momentary loss of concentration cost him in a big way, however; Sal managed to escape her bonds.

He smiled when he dared open his eyes; the blast had dried some of the paper in the room. He touched it, and it instantly became a solid shield. Sal's daggers were caught in the shield. With a thought, he reversed the shield and attempted to catch Sal yet again. Hajime breathed fire once again, and the knife-studded paper attacking Sal burned to ashes almost instantly.

The mage grabbed some of the paper that had frozen Sal, and and tossed it towards Sal and Hajime, surrounding them with paper cranes with beaks as sharp as steel, which dove at the two of them. Sal dove to the side and some of the cranes impaled themselves on the wall just behind where she had been. The ones attacking Hajime went down flaming as he exhaled yet another breath. He then turned his attention on the paper mage, who was unable to concentrate as he was busy creating shields of paper to deflect Sal's daggers. He quickly ran out of paper as Hajime burned through it. He grabbed towards the books, realizing that Hajime's assaults of fire and water had not touched them, hoping to use their paper against his two attackers. Sal saw the movement, and his hands were stuck to the floor by daggers. The man screamed, and then once again as Hajime breathed on him one last time. Sal slit his throat, mercifully stopping his screams.

Hajime coughed up the remainder of the liquid, and drank some water. “I so hate that trick. One breath at the wrong time, and...let's just say that it's not pleasant.”

“I can imagine.” Sal collected her daggers. She had used a lot more than she had expected, and it was taking time to sheathe them properly. “They must teach some interesting classes at your academy.”

“I hate paper mages. They litter all over the place. Worse, they claim to be bibliophiles, but destroy all the books in the area. Sorta weird, really.” Hajime had already crossed over to the bookshelf and was looking through the books. “Nope. I spent some time with a carnival troupe. I knew just enough alchemy to help the flame-thrower.” He smiled as he grabbed a particularly ancient tome and placed it in his satchel. He quickly looked over the others, shaking his head at each. “It was a fun summer. We parted ways when they headed home for the winter.” He finished inspecting the books. “Not a single book of interest here. These are copies of familiar works.”

“Sorry about that.” Sal sheathed her last dagger. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. I guess. Prince Ta is waiting for us.”

Sal smirked. “He's not the only one.”

They had soon departed the temple, going as fast as they could back to the ship.

* * * * *

Captain Taylor was tired of waiting. He debated okaying the pushing of merchants into the waiting sea below, but decided that the water wasn't cold enough to actually be any fun. The cook was almost done with his preparations, and some of the sailors had found and dispersed decorations throughout the mess. He just needed his two guests of honor to get back to the ship so they could depart. In the meantime, he had to do something about the guests at the bottom of the gangplank.

First Mate Rick decided to so something while he was waiting. Normally, this was where Captain Taylor either interceded or decided yet again that captaincy was something he needed to seriously debate. As he saw Rick smiling lopsidedly, he knew today was not going to be one of the best days in the history of diplomacy.

Rick had brought out the small catapult. Harald Skaldson, the cook, brought a large pot next to the catapult. Captain Taylor decided that it was time for him to go into his room and lay down. Harald had leftovers from the night before and hadn't had a chance yet to dispose of them. Normally, he would have given them to the fish that invariably followed the ship, but it looked like Rick was going to take care of that problem.

Rick put a foot on the ship's railing and whistled to get the attention of those below. “It takes me about fifteen seconds to load the catapult and fire it. I will then keep loading it and keep firing it until no one remains.” He then started bending the catapult's arm so he could load it.

The crowd below wasn't sure what to think. After all, no ship would be stupid enough to fire on the collected merchants, possibly earning a permanent black mark and thus not be allowed to trade with Bubastos ever again, right? They looked nervously at one another. One or two of them were starting to back away when the first load of smelly liquid started flying towards them. Some of them got splashed with the stew, smelling of rancid beef and partially rotting vegetables, with just a little tomato.

Their eyes went wide when they saw that Rick was getting ready for another load. All but three scattered; they figured that the first mate was just paring them down, and that the last one standing there would get the contract. Nothing else made any sense. After another hit, two of them left. Rick hit the last one, and kept loading more of the stew. The last one ran.

Rick looked down, disappointed. He still had plenty of the stew left over. At least the fish were going to eat well tonight.

[The last chapter is here. The next chapter is here.]