A letter to my brother 🕊

Not gonna lie, started the weekend off wanting to just be a home body. That’s all we can do well we’re in lockdown during a pandemic. Had another breakdown. But after a breezy walk home, shower sleep and maccas. It was the much needed, comforting long awaited conversation about what’s going on with my wellbeing with Harry. He brought to light many points that halted me still within. Cutting off my long term grief and ego, my pride and being able to Listen, I recognised, understood, acknowledged and my heart fully accepted my awakening for how and what it was.

Waking, every morning, felt different. Life felt more easier to deal with, I was calm…. Until it got even more overwhelming remembering A fantail flew next to me and landed in arms reach, shaking its booty and chirping away well at the park yesterday catching eye contact and shaking its ass for a good 4-5minutes maybe longer. Fantails teach us to keep on searching things, and stay curious. Curiosity is a key to inventions and new things. This world needs to keep on evolving and curious people like fantails are needed. When this animal presented itself to you, there is a possibility that you stopped learning and is acquiring new knowledge. It is asking you not to stop and keep on enriching your wisdom and capabilities. I’m more than happy to take this as a sign. A sign as, live for yourself and your truth.

Rest Easy and be at peace Steve Maaka - in memory of my tuakana; oldest brother: you were the greatest role model of a family man, beast in family, career, the only city slicker on the farm that ever ripped shit up💯 You weren’t able to achieve everything you wanted too in this world. Rest knowing I will achieve that for you. I will learn and teach. I will celebrate every accomplishment, every new opportunity, every success. I will overcome every obstacle to become true to my highest self. I am able, I am Capable. I will prosper. Here’s to moving silently, and creating our legacy with the right blue prints and our untwined foot print when time comes. Gods plan! SINFINITYBLISS❤️

15/12/2021

Where we are at right now, home waiting for Harry’s pay to come in to treat ourselves to some hungry jacks for dinner. Harry with a broken leg from surfing the slide at the pakaa within 48hrs had surgery and was home now beautifully recovering, dom with 2 more days of kura than out for school! Grade 4 next year and turns 9 years old in 2 months(currently). He’s getting beefy and so strong! Aroha him so much ANNNND myself, it’s been such a long week. From actions to sudden threats and scares to losing not just Harry but also whānau. Caring for Harry and having to administer his medications. Brought back memories of dad and watching the tuahine(sister) administer his. I done well! Harry on the other hand was a hard patient. Don’t ever want to need to nurse him again, I will obviously if I have too. Ride or die. Bonnie & Clyde, But not being able to be with him in hospital due to the ormicon variant being active in Melbourne. Bullshit! At least one person. This is what’s making the world and made the world sick. Aftercare I would’ve been able to fully know what the go is and aftercare. Ka papai! It was harder and showed me things I needed. Actions are happening more in whānau first.

But I am well! Long as we are all healthy as mind, heart soul and tinana. Understanding there are generations and eras my parents and those who walked before us had to do what they had to do. The shame and guilt that was passed down and put now onto us which is the way those before went about the choices they had control over. Generational. Knowing, and hopeful for this curse to be broken from us one day. That it will be the deed of my generation, of me for revolution in the shape of the new world. We will not let man made, burden us. That will always be your shame and guilt pāpā. It’s not ours but yours and mama. Need to look after ours and mine now. I’m still recovering and finding many things out but it makes sense. Aroha you so much Xoxox

30/04/2022

Surrendered To the lord, his son and the Holy Spirit for I am Divine, I am deserving just like everyone else to seek my/our highest and most truest self. With real aroha, realness and respect. Three Rs. That’s my happiness. Only thing stopping us is ego of self & others. the abilities I’ve been blessed with by you which I’m so grateful for I am slowly and surely thriving within, still learning, and balancing the self esteem and confidence. To be and come towards others the most genuine and authentic way. Faith grows stronger. tells me so. Intuition, the intense connection. Aware and observing myself worth on it. I don’t deserve it. I can see the demons it’s who I’m in love with and need to slay everyday. The jealous manipulative and controlling behaviour of low vibrational others, be rid. The Second life. BE GONE🧿We are human, and have heart. Path walked that I believe in, as I stood with. Was just not how it is. Everyone deserves to be loved. What we reap individually good or bad, we sow individually. No reason to be dragging innocent lives done with you through karma. For the only voice I hear is my own. Actions speak louder than words. I will never forget the harsh confirmations

unable to do things for those who are just as important as immediate family. Procreated and established family deserves priority. Stop dropping responsibilities for things and people that’s outside of where and who you are. Don’t entertain anyone that is seasonal. Your mental, motion and spiritual connection is a positive blessing for healing. starting from accepting and speaking on your dark secrets. Speak your truth, unapologetically. Heal with a faithful positive attitude.

I seek the respect I’m deserving. I know enough, Actions speak louder than words. Enough has been said, enough has been actioned. Enough has been confirmed. With a snarky sorry. People usually come With no sincere apology and action on change you they will never heal. If the right intentions are not there. Release what no longer serves your higher good. I seek to heal the man I first met. I claimed the man and father in him. I believe in him, it is who helped me get here. Brought me to the lord. Before he reaps what he sows. Let him experience with open eyes and full understanding in how lucky he is and to start appreciating. One day it could all be gone. We’ve been there, delayed our path. Never above you never below you always beside you, I thank our ancestors that walked before us, 5)3 I thank the angels and spiritual guides for all asistance. For faith in the lord, the struggle is special. This soul is entangled to my path theirs life. I wish him the best. Prayers for him. Prayers for my tamatāne(son)

Lord be the warmth around him as he shifts into this new period. Atua tipuna he dreams, and he hears. Show him his mana, teach him his haka. He’s been shown from his dad. Give him the confidence and let him be the confirmation on, let’s begin. Bless him with infinite confident on knowing he is capable of anything and everything he puts his mind too. Bless him in importance and strength of a lion. Lord I failed as a mother. I am woke and I know where my focus is. Show him how special he is! Let haka be his confirmation for his path. I didn’t have a parent that could voice the importance of whakapapa! Pepeha! The lack of confidence I received that followed me in life, and is now being healed at 28years old. but didn’t get the choice to make. I was a lost cause, thanks to the man above who told me otherwise and here I am, woke. I won’t make the same mistake for him. Lord Almighty! I believe we venture and receive. Dominic is deserving of your love protection and guidance. As we all! Our ancestors sailed from Polynesia to and from Latin America. Our Kumara is prized vegetable of its flavour and ability to feed multitudes with its goodness passed down by our beloved ngapuhi kaumatua, kato kauwhata.

kumara represents us acknowledges we are sweet inside, nutritious. We have much to give. We feed eachother. Together we will be blessed with the lord and soul amen