Hey mum, you are a champion

Hey mum I never told you this before but when you asked me last year what had happened to me, because I was sad and I couldn't sleep, I lied to you. The reason why I was feeling that way was because I was afraid of losing you. You know, when I arrived in April last year I felt like my heart had been stolen. It was very hard to go back to Argentina because of the Covid pandemic; a lot of countries were closing their borders. I was feeling so stressed and sad. The idea of me staying in Australia made me feel worse.

After a long phone call, I found a flight. I arrived in Argentina, feeling excited because I could finally relax and enjoy what I had been waiting for so long, but when I saw you mum… you were in the worst situation ever. You had told me that you were fine. I felt so sad, I think I had never seen you in that way ever before. You were crying desperately and shaking all over your body. Remember when we went upstairs and you started to tell me all your childhood traumas? I started to feel depressed and lonely.

We had a conversation a few weeks ago about what had happened that day, and you told me that you were out of control and you had started to medicate yourself without any supervision. Thank you mum for sharing this with me because now I am feeling ready to move on.

Now I'm sitting at a table, in a small bar. There are a lot of books, it looks like a library. A band is playing Brazilian music. Such a beautiful thing. You love music, I know that. So I say to myself this is a really good time to write you this letter in a small paper and a napkin. I feel as if I were J.K Rowling writing Harry Potter haha.

It's hard for me to say this but I just wanted you to know the truth.That day you asked me that question I didn't want to tell you because I knew how hard it was for me, and I didn't want you to feel what I felt (probably deep inside your soul you knew, but it was too painful to be true).

I´m so glad that I returned to Argentina, because now I know that you are my mum and I love you so much. You are shining now, you are smiling again. You even came to Buenos Aires, took a plane (when was the last time you had come to Buenos Aires, 4 years I heard you saying?), stayed here for a few days, we went to Chinatown, we walked around the city, we ate yummy food. Hey mum, you are a champion, you know that? Every piece of me that was dead last year is healed now. My goodness, I feel alive and better than ever. How crazy is that? I guess I let you go and I set myself free by realizing that I'm just your daughter and not your mother, and for some reason (I guess fear of you dying) I put myself in that place because I thought that by doing that I could save you.

Today I know that you didn't need to be saved. I am always here, as a daughter. Mum, you are awesome and the reason why I am in this world is because of you and I've always been grateful for that. I just love life, and I want to live it my way. I am always here and I´ve always been.

I love you (probably more than you think).

Lots of hugs and kisses,

your daughter,

Ro