Starting over, AGAIN.

Hello world.

My name is Allie, and I have decided to share my story. For the sake of privacy I will be using false names ands locations. So lets start from the beginning.

Back in 2012 I moved From my home state of Texas to Louisiana with my ex husband. We were there for roughly a year when the marriage didn't work out and we separated. He moved back to Texas and I stayed in Louisiana. After some time I ended up meeting my child's father (We will call him George). We would hang out and have fun, and to be totally honest I didn't want to get settled down again or be tied to one place. I was already working 3 jobs, as well as working on my college plans. Children were not really part of my plan yet. Sure, I wanted kids, but I wasn't ready for them just yet. Fast forward three or four years, I get some bad news, decide to go out and drink my news away for the night. (I wasn't driving, and had people with me if anything happened.) The worries faded, I had loads of fun, and then a few weeks later my morning coffee made me sick. Turns out my wild night, really did have consequences. I immediately called my boss to inform her I would be a few minutes late to work and to have my trainees start studying their handbook for a test. I went straight to the store and purchased a test, rushed to work and took it. Before I could blink the test read POSITIVE. I cried, I hyperventilated, I panicked, and then I called him. He was excited, I was terrified. We decided to move in together, and prepare for the baby. Fast forward again about 6 months, I start having complications with my pregnancy and things get stressful. We get into an argument or 10 over the next few weeks. By this time I am 8 months pregnant, on strict bedrest, and not supposed to have any form of stress so that nothing happens to the baby. George is stressed and drinks all the time, we get into another fight and he kicks me out. BIG RED FLAG! I go to a hotel for the night, (Paid for by my father, because I wasn't working at the time.) George continues to call and message my phone all night, begging me to forgive him and go back home. Like a MORON, I did. Then comes time for our little one to arrive. Thanks to my ex-husband not signing the divorce papers, Louisiana thought it was a great idea to give my child the last name of my "legal husband" instead of the actual father. Well that in turn made George extra angry, he took it out on me in form of verbal abuse, while he downed more whiskey. Yet again he manipulates me into staying, I didn't have a job so I "needed him" and "wouldn't be able to raise the child alone". So I stayed, and thought I needed to listen to this man for the sake of my child. I became depressed, my Anxiety went off the charts, i was so stressed my hair was literally falling out of my head, I couldn't produce milk for my child, and was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, and Severe Anxiety. One day I finally had enough of the fighting and constant insults that I decided enough was enough, I needed to get a job. Sure enough I got a job and started saving money so that I could leave. After some time I saved enough money to rent a one bedroom house in a city midway between where I worked, and where George lived. Even though he was a drunk and verbally abusive to me, he was a great father to our child, and she deserved to have her father in her life. What kind of mom would I be if I took her daddy from her? That was my mindset, I can't go back home to my family in Texas because I have to stay here and allow him to be in her life. He would make threats that if I tried to take her to Texas he would come after me and fight for full custody. So instead of dealing with any of that drama I told myself it's easier to just stay in Louisiana. I found a lawyer and filed for joint custody. 50/50 on everything involving our child. I was primary parent, meaning she lived with me, I made the medical or education decisions, and we would swap out on Sunday. She would spend 7 days with me, then go to her dads for 7 days. This schedule worked out fine for the most part, and eventually George and I became civil and got the be friends again. Fast forward again to 2020, I find out the guy I was due to marry in September of 2021 had been cheating on me, as well as some other things had been going on, so we split up, I moved closer to my child's school, and start all over again on this path of "living life for my child and I". George offered to help us move, then started coming around more often. He seemed different, like he wasn't an alcoholic anymore, like he had gotten his life together in the 4 years that we weren't together anymore. One night we ended up talking and decided to hang out more often and just see what happened. Within a month he had moved himself into my house, without us even talking about it. He just showed up one day, and never left. At first it wasn't so bad having him there to help with our child while I worked, or my sister worked, (she was living with me at the time). But then he started showing his true colors again, and things started going right back to how they were years ago when I left him the 1st time. He would drink every day/night, sometimes starting at 10am. He would make excuses as to why he drank so much, things like stressful work day, he was in pain and the alcohol made it go away, I was getting on his nerves, our child got on his nerves, he was bored, just whatever he felt made it okay. I would tell him to stop drinking so much, explain to him that I needed him to be both physically and mentally there, that he couldn't just drink all of his problems away all the time. Nothing I would say to him would change anything. I would stay up late worrying if he would make it back or if I was going to get a call saying he wrecked and didn't survive. Then I would spiral into an endless mind loop of "what if" scenarios. How would I explain to my now 6 year old child that her daddy wont be home again because he died? Or even explain to her that daddy went to jail for driving when he shouldn't have been. How do you explain things like that to a child that young? Then it got to the point that my child would go hide in her room till daddy passed out on the chair. She would say he was drunk, when she shouldn't even know what that is at such a young age. Again I was in a situation of not working, depending on him to pay the bills, and I was a stay at home mom homeschooling our child. He would throw it in my face that "he paid my bills" or that he "worked all day", while I got to stay home and "do nothing". When in reality I done everything at home. I cleaned, seen to our child, schooled our child, took care of the animals, made sure he had clothes for work, etc. (Normal mom things). He would get dressed and leave without saying anything to us, then come back hours later completely drunk, calling me all kinds of names, saying I was a "useless mother" and tell me how he does all the important things. Back to verbal abuse while he was getting drunk all the time. Sure he did pay the bills, and yes he did go to work, however he works for himself and would leave when he felt like it. So again I had to make a decision, except this time I done it differently. I started looking for work again, but this time I started looking for jobs in Texas. I had made my mind up that I was not allowing my child to be raised by an alcoholic, I will not allow that to be her life. I called my sister, (she's not technically my sister, but we have known each other since childhood and she is more like family to me than some of my blood family. I made arrangements with her that if by January of 2022 George hadn't stopped drinking and put his family first, me and my child were moving back to Texas and living with her until I can get a house for ourselves. I told George that he had until January to get sober, and get his life right or we were leaving. Of course that caused more fighting, but he said he would do better and didn't want us to leave. I told his family of my plan and what exactly will happen if things didn't change, and they understood why I was doing what I was doing. His family is the only family my child really knows. We weren't able to visit my family in Texas often, so she doesn't know them very well. Things didn't change at all. He continued to drink, continued to tell me how useless he thought I was, etc.. He even told me at one point I was not allowed to take his daughter to Texas, he wouldn't allow it. So prior to leaving I contacted the court house where I filed for the Joint custody. I wanted to know what I needed to do in order to legally take my child to Texas and remove her from this alcoholic. Sure, she loves her dad, and taking her away from him will be hard for a while, but she will get used to the change. Then I found out the custody agreement was never filed, meaning there was no legal paperwork stating I couldn't take my child to another state. A lawyer I spoke with gave me the information I needed, if I needed to take legal matters later in the future. I was given the green light to take my child where I needed to in order to make sure she was safe. No more riding in the vehicle with her father after he had been drinking, no more seeing him passed out drunk every day, no more hearing how he would talk to me, she could be a kid, make friends, live the life a child should get to live. So I called my sister and told her we would be at her house at some point during the week. Then I called my mom, and my cousin. My cousin immediately got in his truck, hooked up a trailer, and drove 4.5 hours to help me and my child fit what we could into the trailer and head to my sisters house in Texas. Within 3 hours we loaded the important things into the truck and trailer and headed out. I contacted my child's Nana and aunt and let them know we were headed to my sisters in Texas. Of course I was heart broken leaving them when they are my daughters family, the only family she really knows. But they knew why I was doing what I was doing, and they knew it had to be done. I immediately started the process of enrolling her into school again, and buckled down on my job search. I needed to find a job and start saving money for a house, a car, etc.. We have been in Texas for roughly 2 weeks, my child is thriving in school, she is a happier, better behaved little girl, she helps around the house, helps her cousin without being asked. Just all around different child than she was 2 weeks ago, or for the last couple of years. I have secured a job working from home, I start working in 2 weeks. I also have the mindset I need to also focus on my school work as I am in college for Criminal Justice Administration. Sure we are a little cramped in the house with my sister for the time being, but we have a stable roof over our heads, no drinking problems, no constant insults of fighting. My child loves her new school and all the friends she has already made. My goal is to save each paycheck for the next 6 months. After 6 months time I will have the money to get us a house, as well as a vehicle. We will also be joining Taekwondo classes with my sister and her kids. It's time for us to move on and start a life of happiness and freedom. No more controlling, manipulative, alcoholics.

Now I know some of you are probably thinking I am a horrible person for uprooting our entire lives and taking my daughter away from her dad so quickly and abruptly, however I done what I felt was the safest thing for my child. Yes it is hard, yes she cries for her dad sometimes, but she has shown a large change in her attitude and behavior in the short amount of time we have been here. Her Nana and I talked and got her a phone to where she can talk to her family every day, she can video chat with everyone in Louisiana when she misses them. In no way am I preventing anyone from talking to or seeing her.

For anyone in a situation similar to this, don't stay when they try to make you feel like you can't do it without them. Don't listen to the manipulation, don't let them hold things over your head that they should be doing anyway. Do what you think is the best for your child, yourself, or even the one your are about to walk away from. Sometimes you have to walk away to help them get better, other times you have to walk away for you to get yourself right.

I am aware that this was a lot, but I feel great actually saying it to someone who may listen. Instead of internalizing it and letting it build into more stress, depression, and anxiety.