Childhood
Reclaiming Your Spark
There is no other time as special as when you are a child. There is an unspoken agreement between us all, as we look down at little kids whose faces never glow as brightly as they will in that time in their life. This sort of melancholy that spreads over us as we start to reminisce when we were just as luminous. We were untouched by any affliction that is the adult life. I like to think of the little girl with the impenetrable spark and a grin complimented by cute bucked teeth and choppy bangs. A girl at the time, who had no idea.
By anonannie4 years ago in Confessions
DMX Lyric Breakdown
My poets are a bit different than most.. to the world DMX was a rapper, actor, drug addict. To me he was a Poet, I dedicated one of my episodes to him on The Vibe Podcast, available on many platforms. You will see my mug! Diana Costas is the name and I am the motherfucking mark! Born and raised in Yonkers, New York. I absolutely love all music and Rap music has been pivotal in my life. I am grateful for my Poet, DMX. His words have been super helpful growing up in the hood with no father, I rely on my Poets and movies for guidance as I can relate to so many. I believe God speaks through Poets, Writers, Singers and Artists. These talents are God given and I have been able to use music and movies as guides for my life. My life has been so wild, I needed Poets like DMX during my darkest times. Being a product of an affair hasn’t been easy and being bullied by my own family has been confusing to say the least. I have always felt hatred from my family. I’ve always felt like the outsider. I was always “different” and now I know why. I’ve been hated my whole life because of who my Father was. I have learned to accept that truth and I moved on with my life as of February 2021. But the blessing in disguise is that now I can write freely about my life. I am proud of myself during this time because I told everyone of my plans privately and they doubted me. I warned them and my exact words were, “how I share my story about you, depends on you”. Rather than express kindness, I got shitted on. So I thought to myself, am I really getting bullied for the rest of my life? I think not! I am thankful for Poets like DMX, much like when I was in my youth his words guided me and have been a blessing in my Spiritual Journey of today. We will celebrate one year of Wellness in February and I am very happy with the results. It’s an honor to breakdown some of DMX’s music. “Look through my Eyes” “Burning in hell but don’t deserve to be.” We are now in November and I still wonder what I have done to deserve the treatment my entire family has given me. The answer that comes to me is this, that is their unhandled trauma. All I did was be born! However affairs are ugly so I understand their pain but again all I did was be born. I must never look back now. “Look through my eyes” sure I am pretty but if you look through my eyes, you can see the Hell I have been put through. If I could speak to my Mother, I would ask her why did she have me? To allow Sexual and Physical abuse on me, take my money, to find out you knew who murdered my father???!!! Ultimate betrayal. “Look through my eyes”! “ I can understand why y’all scared of me” I had to PG13 that verse X. For someone to be where I have been, for someone to go through what I have been through and still smile means I am a powerful motherfucker! Also means I am not the one to fuck with. I don’t understand why my family would disrespect me the way they have but as X says, “ that’s what I get for fucking with strangers in the shade.” They’ve hated me my whole life, from my having to defend myself at the age of 13 against my older brother with a knife to my sister asking me for my body parts. In 2009 she asked me for my eggs. Thankfully I did not participate in that madness. Now about 12 years later I come to find out the truth of my father’s murder and the level of disrespect caused upon me when I presented the truth to them speaks volumes on their knowledge of this murder. Their reaction toward me is indicative of someone who knew of the crime. The childhood memories that came back to me on 138th street in the Bronx when I went to pay my respects on 3/30 is proof they knew of this “mystery”.. it should have been an unknown location why am I having childhood memories when I’m trying to pay my respects? I don’t travel to the Bronx so imagine how distraught I was remembering my childhood visits to Valencia Bakery and the races at Hunts Point. You do not hurt a sibling in the ways they have hurt me. I am thankful I am a Writer because the hurtful text messages and E-mails will be revealed to the world! Thank a Soldier for Freedom of Speech. My father was a Veteran and I intend on excersizing this right to the fullest extent. You do not treat a Human life or any life in the ways they have treated me. DMX said, “walk through my shoes it will hurt your feet” I am proud to have broken a very toxic cycle of abuse. I am here to say, Stop putting children in Adult situations! Happened to me and I know it happened to DMX. We happen to be from the same Hometown of Yonkers, New York. Home of the Brave indeed. “What’s my name” is another powerful song, for them to think that I was a Punk or Stupid was foolish. To actually take my kindness as a weakness was very foolish. I’m actually very much like my Pops and DMX, I fear no man!We Ride or Die! “What’s my name” I am grateful for this journey and I am grateful to have been kept in the Hood. Obviously there’s a lot to be done here, you simply cannot raise children this way and we must do better. No more pain in the Hood! This is why I must and will continue to share my story. To ok abuse, pain, murder is a travesty on Biblical proportions and this is the absolute norm in my neck of the woods. Not ok and I will not stop until things get better. I have to teach it’s absolutely ok to break away from a Toxic Family. I thank God for my Poets, Movies, Religion and Therapy. We must end the stigma on therapy, it’s absolutely ok to seek help. Not ok to hurt someone and then call them Crazy because they’re in therapy. This was done to me unfortunately and we must end the stigma as a result. Can you blame me for needing therapy? I really had no idea how disturbed that family is until I broke away. Another song that moves me is, Ruff Ryders Anthem. “ Stop, drop, shut em down, open up shop” simple rules to follow. Step1. Stop, sometimes you must stop everything. Drop= work on yourself. Shut em down and open up shop. I trademarked The Vibe Podcast! “You fucking right I did it” “Break it up and Dismantled” you damned right I did! I am so proud of myself for doing the right thing upon the knowledge of my father’s murder. Seems like for the past 38 years everyone knew but me. “Mind your business lady, nosy people get it too” I have no idea what made my sister send me those hurtful emails. Sometimes silence speaks volumes and those hurtful emails speak on her unhandled trauma. “Look at what you done started” her emails and lies on me has severed a relationship with my beloved little brother. He and I share the same father but he chose to believe them. I respect his decision but he’s been lied to and that’s a fact. Fortunately he hasn’t been in New York for a very long time so it’s easier to lie to him that it is to lie to me; 138th, 38 years ago with his own 38 speaks volumes.This is why fathers must be careful who they lay with and whom they chose as baby mama. My brother is well with in his right to be angry at our father and I respect his decision although it’s not a healthy choice I respect his need to stay away for his Wellness. Small piece of advice to the nosy folks, unless you’re going to help please mind your own business. “Another unsolved mystery” so they thought they could get away without telling me about my father??? God doesn’t allow such injustices people, took me 38 years but I solved the mystery and I am proud of myself for doing the right thing upon the knowledge. I surrendered my life to God and my blessings began. After the damage they have caused upon my life I can no longer stay quiet. Now I speak! “Talk is cheap” make sure you speak your truth! I’ve beyond proven myself and I know our future is bright. Couldn’t have done it without my poet, thank you X! The song, Slipping gets me emotional as it brings me back to my youth. “To live is to suffer, to survive justifies the meaning of suffering” Remember children do not ask to be born. We must respect, love and protect our children as they are blessings from God regardless of who their Parents are. “I know happy days are not far away” “imma be that seed that doesn’t need much to succeed” Please check out The Vibe Podcast YouTube channel, https://youtube.com/channel/UCb5TDi1J3KmMNjnOjCBi_eA due to greed there has been a lot of trauma caused upon my life. There’s no reason why I had to experience homelessness nor pay for my own education when there was so much money left for us. Did I mention my father was murdered on top? But I know happy days not far away. “Group homes and institutions prepared my N for jail” it’s a miracle that I am alive today. My mother constantly kicked me out of the house starting at the age of 14. She prepared me for a lifetime of misery. “Why ? was it my fault? Something I did?” To this day I don’t know what I have done to deserve this life and because I don’t know I must stay away. “I never gave a fuck about much but my dog” this is how I grew up in Yonkers, New York. Depression allowed me to ok situations and forget so much. I remember now and I will never ever forget this journey. “I’m slipping, I’m falling, I gots to get up so I can tear shit up” I hit rock bottom back in February. “ I got to do the right thing for shorty” and it’s an absolute honor to have changed my life for my children. God bless you DMX! Thank you for your God given talent, your words guided me in my darkest times as a youth and again not too long ago! I wish to make you proud and God bless the Hood! Yonkers home of the brave!
By The Vibe Podcast 4 years ago in Confessions
The Death of Small and Silent Things
Boot prints were churned into the mud. My feet vanished into them as I hopped from one to the next as if they were stepping stones, my light-up trainers flashing red with every hop. It was drizzling and I was buried in the depths of a mackintosh. The hood kept falling forward over my eyes so I wasn't aware of my grandfather standing in the last set of boot prints until I collided with the back of his legs. My sleeves flapped as I teetered dangerously.
By EJ Ferguson4 years ago in Confessions
There Was No Fight
The ring of teenagers was 30 feet wide - at least it looked like that to me- and the rain had already soaked through to the skin. On one side, a local girl and two of her friends, on the other a friend of a friend. I still can't say why I ran from the warmth of the youth club to the middle of a rain-slicked park - maybe I had some vague notion that I'd get my knuckles bloody in the same way that any teenager thinks they will when a fight breaks out. I don't remember what I thought, only how daunting the group of people was when I got there. I fancied myself the rough type, and I was wrong.
By S. A. Crawford4 years ago in Confessions
The Yellow Rose
The Yellow Rose by: Dennis R. Humphreys There come a time in life when you're older, you look at life's events and you can classify the off beat occurrences in one of two ways. They're either embarrassing or funny as hell. You also have the tendency not to bring them up until your parents have passed away, or they're so old you know they just don't give a crap anymore. But then most major occurrences don't seem so major anymore as time mounts, and you have less time in front of you, than what you left behind.
By Dennis Humphreys4 years ago in Confessions
The Adventures of a Wild Child
It is very nice to meet you! I always enjoy meeting new and different people. Our differences make the world go 'round! Why does everyone want to fight about our differences, instead of embracing them? I have always tried my best to go with the flow. I also, believe that everyone has a right to their own opinions, likes and dislikes and most of all, their own lives!
By T. K. Wilson4 years ago in Confessions
Neighborhood Ghostbusters
Growing up in Hamilton, Ohio never proved to be overly interesting—aside from some girl that got stabbed on my front lawn at four o’clock in the morning or many fire-department rescues of far too large kids attempting to squeeze themselves into infant swings. Despite this, and the raging opioid epidemic gutting my community in ways I couldn’t understand, I had a really good childhood. My family settled on a street corner directly across from a decently sized park that often housed a plethora of children my age. I could generally be found outdoors, utilizing my vast imagination and perpetually getting myself in trouble.
By Jules Day (they/them) 4 years ago in Confessions
What it is like having an alcoholic for a father
My dad is a man very hard to describe. In the early years I was sheltered from his destructive behavior. Dads house was a place of true adventure and great holidays. At the time he owned a thriving business because he had not yet become an alcoholic. He was a very rich man, we went on trips to Honduras, Mexico and Cancun. He would take us to sea world, and take us on boat trips for the whole weekend. He owned a wonderful cottage and we played outside all day becoming one with animals and the nature around us. We went to Disney land, and endless trips to there places. He truly left me with a wonderful childhood. He owned a multibillion dollar business and had lots of friends. But as he slipped into alcoholism he would soon loose everything.
By Julia Stellings4 years ago in Confessions
Television static 📺 🖤✨
Before you start reading it. I’ll like you to know I’m dedicating this piece to those split seconds of insecurities that I feel when I feel…..nostalgic. I know. I also have not much to work with but that’s really what my brain does best. Leaving important details behind~ Oh well. Do enjoy this one folks. Cause there is more where that came from. Hehe~
By Basil Fresh4 years ago in Confessions
