Family
A letter to my love
It’s only been a day but I already know this won’t work; if you asked me, I’d say, ‘I don’t want to do this without you’. What happened to the promises you made? The dreams we had and everything we said we’d do. I remember how you would whisk me in your arms and lift me up, tell me how you’d rather die than live without me, I think back and realize now, I should have said same to you. I’m here wishing I was with you, lying next to you, in the place where we said would only part us: Death laid it’s cold hands on you my love and now, I’m left without my friend, companion, my love. Losing you feels like living a dream, this is not my life; it cannot be, this has to be a dream.
By Esther Ami4 years ago in Confessions
Heaven only knows
Imagine having a father, who was never there for you. Imagine a man who was so disgusting and crazy that he threw your own 3 month pregnant mother into the wall just because of a stupid alarm clock. Imagine a man who made a 5 thousand dollar bet against your own gender. Imagine a man who never cared that you even existed.
By Julianne Algueseva4 years ago in Confessions
Understanding the Emotions.
Made September 15, 2020 I’m sad yes but I’m more angry. I’m angry how everyone keeps telling the “drama is over” or “passed” and that I should talk to you, you are my mother. All I wanna do is scream where were you but I know the answer to that. You sat back and watched him almost hit me, you watched me sobbing and shaking against a wall terrified. You listened to every name he called me and every time he put me down telling me how I don’t know anything, nothing I do is right, I’m a failure and people wouldn’t be proud of me. Everyone says “it’s over” what’s over? You being upset I put my safety first? It doesn’t change everything that happened. It doesn’t change how I tried to tell you I was scared and you blew it off, it doesn’t change the fact you couldn’t accept the same things happened to my brother but I was over reacting. Doesn’t change I made the decision to get out because I couldn’t physically take it anymore, it was between leaving and ending my life. It doesn’t change after I left you threatened to put me in an insane asylum because I was always thinking negative and I was suppose to ignore him because he got mad when I “made stupid decisions”, you threatened to take me off the health plan knowing I had a heart condition, telling my 14 year old sister if she had any contact with me or I was around the house you would kick her out. Even after I’m gone you tried to control everything I do. I have been gone 5 months and you have made absolutely no move to try to contact me. Everyone says I should talk to you but when have you been my mother lately. 5 fucking months and you have no idea what’s happening with me, but I’ve heard all about the things you say about me and I’m not going to let you guys get into my head again and shut me up. Yes it hurts but I’m more angry, I’m angry you were suppose to protect me, angry that you tried taking my sisters away from me, my own brother won’t even talk to me because of what you’ve said to him and I barely speak to my sisters, I’m angry how much you’ve talked shit about me and so many hurtful disrespectful things but now that’s you’ve calmed down it’s all alright. I’m fucking angry that I even had to have the thought of ending my life because I couldn’t take it anymore! I couldn’t take the constant mental and emotional abuse. I’m angry you think you can call yourself my “mom” like nothing happened. No matter how much I don’t wanna admit it he’s scarred me. I’ve seen my older brother pinned again a wall. Him Screaming and crying how he threatened to put a gun to his head. I’ve watched him smack my sister when she was 5 years old so hard it was there for days. I’ve had to hold my younger sister sobbing in my arms telling her it would be ok but I couldn’t stay there anymore, hearing her beg me to not leave her broke me even more. I don’t handle conflict well, I cower and get scared when people yell or even think someone is upset. Even after I left my mouth automatically knows to shut up and just say “yes; I understand; ok”. I always second guess most of everything I do after hearing for years I don’t know how to do anything and I’m a failure. I’m angry that there are so many stories I could tell, I’m angry that till this day I still am afraid. I’m angry you think I can forget everything you sat back and watched happen.
By Dragon4 years ago in Confessions
Dearest Lala: Letter to my co-worker's infant daughter
Dearest Lala, This is your Aunt Moley. You’ve only met me once and quite frankly I found you curt. I know, I know, you're only 10 months old, I get it up to a point. Maybe I’m too sensitive. People certainly tell me that. I don’t have kids, and I don’t know how to talk to them. I guess you could sense my awkwardness and that’s why you dismissed me.
By Daphne Faye4 years ago in Confessions
Lost girl
(This story has uneasy topics and readers might get uncomfortable) Hi my name is Maya foss and I’m 13 years old, now this is sort of like an auto biography but this story is only half about me, the other part is my moms I love my mother with all of my heart and soul she is my other half and wouldn’t be here without her this is meant with no disrespect . It started on December 26 1984 when my mom was born. She grew up with an abusive parent that I can not go into detail based on permission status, but all I can say is that it was mentally damaging. My mother developed boarderline personality disorder (BPD) which is basically a unstable life style in all aspects. She had my brother at a young age, which is a difficult task and my brothers dad committed. Soon after she had me on May 1st 2009 and until I was 3 I was living basically a perfect life in my eyes, we had a house with my dad and mom and my brother, but my mom and dad never see eye to eye so they broke up especially with my dads anger issues and lack of understanding. I grew up in separate homes which never really bothered me, but when it came to rules and the way I was raised I hated it. My mom always had my best emotional Well being in mind, and my dad had my school and more life well being Such as getting into college, making money, and just anything to keep me off the streets. Then something happend, my mom got married and let’s just say I had a very bad feeling from the start. I was 4 at the time and I practically hated this man for reasons I was unsure of, but sooner or later they got married. We ended up living with him for 2 years until I was six but all through out this time I felt he was being super shady and suspicious, at the time he was in medschool and would often leave to go to “classes” and no one really thought anything of it, except me. I always felt he was lying because I’ve had some pretty gnarly gut feelings but I was little so I was never really sure but one weekend I went to my grandmothers and found out that he was cheating on my mom with all the girls she knew on her soccer team. Then we started to live in a big house that she had in her name due to being a care giver to an elderly man that passed on.. things were great! I had everything I ever wanted, until my mom revived a phone call from my dad, at the time he has been dating a girl who I like and get along with to this day. He called my mom and asked her if she would move to Austin Texas so we can all be together, to have better pay, and better school districts as well. Then shortly after we had lunch with everyone to tell me that we were moving. I was super happy because I didn’t have mush here just my family but I was young so I didn’t really care at this point. Me and my mom got an apartment as well as my dad and his girlfriend and I would switch back week to week with everything going well! But then this is what I call the bunny streak. My mom began to be lonely and started looking for romantic partners but part of BPD is not being able to hold relationships very well. She went through relationships some abusive some fine but could never find a good one, this came along with drinking and smoking cigarettes that I wasn’t to fond of neither was my brother. My brother never took a liking to Austin but he moved anyway but when all of this started happening my brother would run away and he went down a bad path himself. Eventually my mom and my brother grew apart and at the age of 16 my brother moved in with my grandmother back where we were from, and has been living here for the past 3-4 years. This was hard on my mom and she had a lot of regret but currently they have a good relationship! A couple years past and my mom went on vacation just to get some air, and that’s were she meets her new boyfriend, I never liked any of her boyfriends but when I met him everything changed, we just clicked and my mom loved him too more than anyone, but after a year of dating things began to be very rocky. I had just entered 7th grade and had gotten myself into a lot of trouble as well, with all the things going on and my hormones things were bad. My dads gf gave birth to 2 kids a year and 5 months apart and I love them so much but it was hard not being an only child, I had less attention and I started to feel like only my mom cared about me. Well eventually I got out of that path and started doing good but my mom and her bf got even more rocky, it was always off and on but yesterday it was over for real this time. My mom is a caregiver for an elderly woman but she is not getting paid much so I decided to write this in hopes of getting money to help my mom! Because I really want to make her happy💕
By Maya foss4 years ago in Confessions
Biscuit Crumbs and Chicken Gizzards
All I have are memories. Well, technically that isn't all I have. I have photos that serve as a precious reminder of who he was; funny, stubborn, loved. His sunglasses still hang from the rear view mirror of his truck, and Hardee's biscuit crumbs can be found sprinkled throughout. I also have a tiny, rose gold necklace in the shape of a heart which houses part of the physical remains of the greatest man I've ever known.
By Mollie Byrd4 years ago in Confessions
FATHERLESS IMPOTENT RAGE
In a small one-bedroom apartment, I usually sleep in the same bed as my mom. One of my fears is that I'm just another pathetic loser who lacked a strong father figure. Is it because of the father I never had that I look for "father figures" in all the wrong places?
By ANTICHRIST SUPERSTAR4 years ago in Confessions
Emotionless
I never knew the love of a mother or how to love someone but I always wanted to try and seek something. My mom would always ask why I never said I love you to her. I would be lying if I did say it but I can’t tell her that. I know I do have emotions but I never know how to explain or act them out. I would have crushes here and there but never too serious. As I got older I wrote poems never understood the ones people wrote but I understood mine. I remember I would write them after my grandfather passed away I didn’t know why. I was never the type of person to be into poems but I liked the way I would write mine. I can’t act on emotion but I can write it. When I was 17 I tried to get into a relationship we talked they asked me out so on. We were into it 1 month they told me they loved me. I couldn’t say it back because I didn’t know what they loved about me was it me as a whole or just a part of me. I didn’t understand love I guess it all started when I got rejected or maybe when grandfather died my emotions and expectations all went flying out. I didn’t when it started but I wanted to feel something. I will be sharing some of my poems with you if you would like that. Anywho my mother and father were the only persons I didn’t know how to bond with. I would try but everytime they would talk my brain wouldn’t come up with question just the basics like how was work or how was you day. I guess you could say I was living with strangers. I may not remember much of my childhood memories but I do remember two car crashes. Not vividly but I know they happened. Also I never really was around my parents that much. They were always working for me and my sister to give us a better life but the thing is they missed out on somethings. I remember I had got a play in a part and my mom would always go to my sisters so I told my mom and dad. That I had got a part in a play she said sure we will go. When we arrived at the school before going in my parents told me finish your part and then we will leave after you are done. I felt a little mad when they said that to me. I was confused in my mind I said but you stayed for my sister whole music play why not mine. After that moment I got on stage kids were singing then it was my turn to say my part after I did. I stayed on stage but from the stage I saw my parents getting up telling me to go with them but I didn’t I stayed for the whole thing. I didn’t care that they were angry because I was angry at them and embarrassed when they were shouting my name telling me to leave with them. How can you do that to a 8yr old. I was suppose to be having fun not feeling nervous and out of place being rushed. Anyway that was an eventful night. I think we will never understand each other in a way. Everytime I speak up it just ends up in an argument and I understand where they are coming from but they will never understand mine because they don’t know what it is like to have to find some type of feeling.
By Elisa Jaimes4 years ago in Confessions
The Letter
When I was 12 years old, my dad wrote me a letter. He mailed it to my mom's, which felt more like a house than a home at the time. It was a house that provided a roof over my head, but it lacked the love and laughter my dad's 600-square-foot apartment lent for 48-hour periods once every other week. Those weekends were my saving grace during the painful adolescent navigation of divorced parent dynamics.
By Jordan Quinten4 years ago in Confessions
