Family
Momster
I never told you but from the age of 3 to the age of 10 I was sexually abused by 3 different men. You paid more attention to my new baby sister than to me. I know this is the reason why you and I have never been close. Because you chose her over me. If she did something wrong it was my fault because I'm older and I'm supposed to know and do better so she can see what's right. I've never gone to you with any problem because I learned at 3 years old that I was alone. My sister meant and continues to mean more to you than I ever did or ever will. I refer to you as Momster and some nay think it's a term of endearment but to me you are the person I can never be enough for. You are the monster I always ran away from and not the mom I saw on tv or my friends had that they could run towards. I thought maybe once I had a daughter of my own you would teach me and love me. However that is not the case. You were in the delivery room with me but stayed far away and never congratulated me or even hugged me after she was born. Even when I showed the family my ultrasound everyone was shocked and assumed it was my sister, upon finding out it was mine and I was the one carrying everyone's spirits seemed to dwindle. I was congratulated but only with words. I have never felt more alone than in this journey of motherhood. I was taught how to clean a house and make food but I was taught a much more valuable lesson. You, mom taught me how not to be a mother. I never want my daughter to be afraid to come to me with any question or problem, like I have been with you. I never want my daughter to refer to me as a Momster like I do to you. I want to be a safe place for my daughter. I want to be the first person she confides in and runs to with any and everything. I know my sister feels this way about her mom. Although we have the same mother, she got a completely different version. I got lectures, negativity and isolation. While she got love, understand and hugs. I have never felt my accomplishments were good enough for my mother but everything my sister did was more than enough for her mother. My mother was cold, called me fat and told me I should put makeup on. Her mother told her how beautiful she was, that she looked just as beautiful as her mother and she was perfect. I so wish I had my sister's mother as opposed to the Momster I continue to have. The one I can't turn to and ask for a simple glass of water because I'm old and should be able to get it or go buy it myself. The Momster that only babysits my daughter while I'm at work but not any other time. I guess I was never meant to have my sister's mother because I was always meant to be a better version for my own daughter. Momster you taught me how to be loving, nurturing, and caring. You taught me to care for my daughter and never ever make her feel lesa than. You taught me to always make sure my daughter knows how beautiful she is in her own skin. You taught me how not to be a Momster like you. Growing up I wish I had my sister's mom but I guess all along you were teaching me a lesson on how to be better for the next generation. How not to be anything like you, and for that I am grateful. I will never be able to tell you how I feel or give you a hug but my daughter will always have a mother she can be proud of and not a Momster who left her alone while carrying for her newest daughter.
By Amber Rosales Zavala4 years ago in Confessions
A Word from Mother to Son...
To My Son, I struggled to roll out of the covers that lie on my bed today. I struggled to resist the urge of hitting snooze for the fourth time in a short 30 minutes. I struggled as the thought crept in that the reason for my alarms were to be at an office where I was being required to urinate in a cup because I fell victim to the disease that is addiction. This disease nearly cost me you. I struggled with missing your brothers and sisters because I was the only mother they knew for years and I had failed them just as I had you and in the process, failed myself. For years, the five of you were my morning alarm. I struggled picking our clothes out and getting in the shower to make myself presentable for the inevitable that was to be our day because for years, I showered after the five of you were asleep.
By Jocelyn Exum4 years ago in Confessions
For my mother
Dear Mom, I never told you how proud I am of you. For the longest time, I was in pain. Pain for what I thought you had caused me, for the lies, the betrayal. However, it was not you that lied, it was not you that betrayed, it was not you. I was blinded by the lights and sparkles of something different; I was young and naive.
By The Clarkbar844 years ago in Confessions
Irene Means Peace
Of course my mother's name is Irene which is originally a Greek name meaning peace. My mother was not born a Grecian, but a full blooded Portuguese woman, as far as we can tell from my hard to trace maternal family genetic tree. She started her life in 1928 on the island of Maui and moved to the mainland in her 20s. She had only an up to 8th grade education. This is my letter to my Mom telling her all of my secrets, wishes and desires I have never told her before.
By Wren Lee4 years ago in Confessions
The Musical Secret I have Hidden from my Mother
Well, I guess it is time to come out straight about this. Before, though, I should address some things. I am a huge fan of music, I could not get through a day without music. Music is nearly a part of me. I am listening to music currently while writing this. My mother and, late, father bonded over music. They specifically bonded over a rock band called Pink Floyd, a British rock band founded in the 60s and 70s. They also had some other music, like Led Zepplin, The Doors, and many others I could not possibly list.
By M. James Manwiller4 years ago in Confessions
The Things I Wish I Would Have Said
Dear Mom, There are things that I never told you. I had thoughts that I desperately I wish I would have shared with you, when I had the chance. I chose to handle everything on my own and it took years for me to understand that everything you did was to protect me. I did not have the courage to say I needed you in the past, but I do now.
By Ashley Nicole Gonzales4 years ago in Confessions
Words Unsaid
No one ever prepares you for the loss of someone so sigificant at a young age. No one expects you to lose a parent at a young age, so why would you need to prepare? But the one thing I wish I would've known is how you felt leaving this earth at 40-years-old. Leaving your family, and friends, behind. Never being able to watch the rest of your grandchildren be born, grow-up, etc.
By Devon Renee4 years ago in Confessions
The Mother I Use to Know
There was a time when I thought you were perfect. And not in that superficial, I-love-you-so-you’re-perfect way. I really did think you were perfect. Anytime I didn’t know the answer, you had it. If I didn’t know how to do something, you did. You were everything to me, but I never could have imagined who you would become. You were my perfect example of who I wanted to be when I grew up. But now I’m grown, and that woman I used to admire no longer exists.
By Rebecca Jones4 years ago in Confessions
Dear Mom
Dear mom, My confession is that I will never hate you. I want to. I think it would be easier to hate you for all you have done and said to me and around me. But I can't. I don't know that I love you or miss you anymore, I just know that hating you is something I can never do. But I can thank you for letting me go and letting me down.
By Sara Caramella4 years ago in Confessions
