Humanity
confessions of a madwoman
for about three months, i forgot how to write. i couldn't draw or do much of anything creative but nothing terrified me on such an existential level as forgetting how to write. see, i had a condition called serotonin syndrome, an artificial build-up of the happiness chemical in my brain and it almost killed me. no joke, look it up. that particular side effect (of a cocktail of medications including a migraine preventative that was the last to be replaced) is a mortality risk and a half and i was grappling with the consequences of it at the same time as an identity crisis caused in part by the only viable solution to serotonin syndrome: serotonergic cessation. no serotonin aids for weeks. around that time i started having seizures whenever i tried to engage my imagination. it was hell. it still hurts a little to wrench the words from my subconscious to the surface and i'm twitching a bit because of it, but i'm afraid if i don't start writing again i'll never get back into the habit and this year has cost me so much already. i lost my mind, my career, my identity, my libido, possibly my marriage, definitely my sense of safety, and at least one extremely good friend whose loss i'm not allowed to grieve except at my therapist and buried in the lines of prose i scream into the void. i am profoundly alone and simultaneously surrounded by people who love me and it is the most surreal experience of my life. i'm in the middle of a full-blown PTSD resurgence, blending childhood and adult traumas together into a nightmarish hellscape that overlaps reality like a superimposed photograph all. the. time. and i'm having some kind of midlife crisis regarding my spirituality but lack of religious belief that led me to start a cult (which i will definitely be linking to when i finish writing this because shameless self promotion is the modus operandi). but in my defense the model is terribly unprofitable because the point is to crowd-source the epiphany to the masses, which means free access to all. the most important bits of the philosophy are completely free, from the playlist augury (which you can use to listen to the will of the universe once you tune it to your channel, so to speak) to the three mantras (which guide everyday decisions in the moment) to the twelve principles (which guide overall values and morals). they play off each other to create an implication of further values, but lack the strict methodical proscription of religious dogma. alchemy doesn't care how you get there, or even what you call it. all that matters is that you serve the equilibrium, the balance of the universe, the source of the energy, or your God by doing good things that adhere to the principles and live according to the mantras. if you don't want to use the playlist augury, you don't have to. be hyperpresent in your own body and do something that feels good while you think about who you are and what your place is in the world. mine is behind a screen, ranting like a crazy person (because I am a crazy person) about my nervous breakdown, my new cult, my impending bankruptcy, my new name, my rock bottom, my activist art that no one buys (but they should, since i don't even get a piece of some of them, so there will be another link here), my marriage, my mother... pretty much anything. so when i forgot how to write, i've never been so scared of anything in my life.
By Maia Gadwall the metAlchemist4 months ago in Confessions
The Mask I Wore at Home
The Mask I Wore at Home By Abdul Muhammad On screen, I was the picture of happiness. “Good morning, everyone!” I’d chirp into the camera, hair tied neatly, kitchen bathed in sunlight. Behind me, breakfast sizzled and coffee steamed. My followers would flood the comments with hearts and praise — “Couple goals!”, “You’re glowing, girl!”, “Teach me how to be this happy!”
By Abdul Muhammad 4 months ago in Confessions
The Loneliness Paradox: How Connection Made Us More Alone
Feeling alone was simple once: an unfilled area, a phone without activity, a quiet night without anybody to contact. We live today in a universe where loneliness has moved onto the virtual world. Though we are surrounded by screens, flooded with notifications, linked to several people, an increasing number of people describe themselves as lonely.
By Shahjahan Kabir Khan4 months ago in Confessions
Not Everything. Top Story - June 2024.
Do you ever feel like you can't run from yourself fast enough? Like every decision you’ve ever made is eternal, but that knowledge alone is not enough to keep you from acting on your idiotic impulses and the thoughts of your bad heart?
By Mezmur4 months ago in Confessions
Secret Letter
I never told anyone but Mark, an alter and Spiritual ground, what happened to me those first two years after brain surgery between 1998 and 2000. In the gentle year of the Rabbit (1999), a year after the surgery, I came in contact with the natural and kind demon known to Catholism as Michael. What had happend was small and uninteresting to the surface, but for the inside of my head, it was a war ready to be layered over and at the soft age of seven, forgotten about.
By Parsley Rose 4 months ago in Confessions
so i started the world's worst cult
i really did start the world's least lucrative cult. i gave the real secret techniques away on my patreon already. there are three practical exercises: the playlist augury technique, the three mantras, the twelve principles. the "that chick is crazy crazy" techno-psycho-babble bits are optional extras, and only one of them costs anything to read. the secret recipes to fine-tune your psyche with your favorite music, without having to change religions or start one if you are a non-believer? they're coming to patreon this weekend for $1/each (of three).
By Maia Gadwall the metAlchemist4 months ago in Confessions
I Grew Up Screaming Misogynistic Lyrics — And Now I’m a Feminist Who Still Knows Every Word
When I was fourteen, my favourite song started with a beat that made me feel unstoppable. It was California by Hollywood Undead — loud, aggressive, confident, and so dripping in misogyny that it practically left a stain.
By No One’s Daughter4 months ago in Confessions
The Two Breads That Saved a Soul
The Bread of Faith: The Story of Abu Nasr Al-Iyad BY ubaid Once upon a time, there lived a man named Abu Nasr Al-Iyad. He was a poor man who struggled each day to provide for his wife and two young children. Poverty had wrapped its chains around him so tightly that hope seemed to fade with every passing day.
By Ubaid 4 months ago in Confessions
Chuck Schumer and the Government Shutdown: What’s Happening and Why It Matters
The United States is once again facing a government shutdown caused by a political standoff over federal funding and spending priorities. The shutdown has stretched into several weeks, with no clear resolution in sight. Federal employees are going unpaid, government services are disrupted, and frustration among citizens is growing as Congress struggles to agree on a plan to reopen the government.
By America today 4 months ago in Confessions
