Teenaged Housewife

As my dear mother use to say, " young and dumb" and it pissed me off every time. Now as and adult, I see where I was just that.

I grew up in a very strict home. I had no freedom, no childhood and there nothing I wanted more then to be whisked away by prince charming , and he finally came 20 years old and driving a blue mustang.

At 17 I didn't know any better, he gave me attention, called me every day and made an effort to be in my life even though my parents didn't let me date or even leave the house. After a year of talking on the phone every day, my parents finally decided to let him come over. He pulled in the driveway and charmed my parents. He would come see me every Saturday, and would always bring me something, even if it was just a single rose. As a child, I thought that was the best thing ever. I had a boyfriend that I could brag about to my friends.

Right before my 18th birthday, he asked my parents if he could marry me and they said yes. Still 17, my parents allowed us to be married. And without a doubt, I said I do. I stayed at home but would go spend the weekends with him. I thought this was great. I couldn't believe that I was being an Adult. After graduation I moved out of my home and was a few months pregnant.

A little girl in a woman's world. Even though my mother had taught me the essentials for being an adult, I was not ready for what he had expected from me as wife. I knew how to cook, clean, and take care of our son. I would be his wifely robot that did what ever he said. I watched my mom do it every day. Cook and take him is meal where ever he sat, clean up his mess and make sure he had everything he needed to relax. But emotionally, he didn't see me as the best wife a man could have, he saw a girl that was trained to stay at home and be his property. He was more mentally abusive than physically. He had broken my spirit down and had me thinking I was worthless and no one else would want me after I had 2 kids and already been married. He was a cheater and a habitual liar.

For 3 years he would go to work and lock the door behind himself so I couldn't get out. I didn't even know he was doing it until one day I was going to leave with my cousin and realized I couldn't open the door. When I asked him why, he acted as if I just didn't know how to work a door lock. Our little apartment was getting small. I was pregnant again and did not want to be with him anymore. He was a terrible father and an even worse husband.

When our daughter was 1, I had enough. He went to work and I moved out in the middle of the night. I never took him away form his kids or denied him seeing them but he would pick them up and take them to his moms house and then not see them until time for him to bring them home. The older they got the more they didn't want to be with him.

If I could go back in time to change anything, I would tell myself not to do it and to be patient. My life and my kids lives could have been a lot better. I would tell her where to find my new husband before he became damaged goods. Now we are trying to heal each other when our souls were meant to be in the first place.