Word of the Day:弁明

I have to sort laundry right now, but I honestly don't feel like doing anything. But the thing is, I don't have any simpler task to differ to, that is literally the easiest thing to do right now, and i don't want to do that.

I guess I couldn't even do it if I wanted to since my charger and phone aren't charging. I actually have to change the outlet for one of my chargers as it doesn't work anymore so. I need to see if it works in a different port to sort of forward that process. Because 1 outlet for 5 devices is sort of ridiculous.

I might consider writing a report for the apartment but, I feel like, it won't matter soon as my lights are probably going to go off around the 20th. That means, I will have to go 4 days without electricity, if my SSI comes early. 7 if it comes late.

I might need to use my TODO list to actually organize charging my devices outside somewhere. I still prefer this than seeing my mom again. I really don't want to ever see her again. I would be ok if she died tomorrow.

Maybe it is annoying me because, we are still connected with a fucking 150 dollar payment for her bullshit pest control payments that I am having to pay for. I don't have the strength to dispute that right now though.

Unfortunately, this will be a more drawn out thing, and it will require me to talk to her, which I don't want to do. So, I am considering... Ah I guess I could see if I can contact the pest control people through the banking info. Like maybe if I look up the company name, that will give me either their phone number or email.

I think that is why I am struggling with my TODO list right now. Everything is super heavy right now. All the issues are pretty dire and, I am in the wrong community. I am in the wrong town. I should've moved a long time ago and I am stuck here with people who don't care about me, I don't care about them. It is very isolating.

But I guess I just need to focus on what I can control and leave everything else up to God/the Ether. Just hope everyone dies around me and I will survive.

Also... the thing is it is the 14th. I have no plans, no romantic ones anyway, no fun plans. I sort of would've liked to have done something today but, I guess it wasn't in the cards.

I considered going on a coffee date but, I don't think I would be in the mood even if I went. I would probably just drink my coffee quickly and leave as soon as possible. I am sort of making demands though, I mean it would be interesting if someone actually was down to be there for me in a legit way, I am... while it is very insane to think this way, I leave a very small room to be pleasantly disappointed.

But I also have to manage that because, if I invest too much into that idea, it will seem obsessive and, also off-putting for most people so, it is easier just to rely on myself.

Vocal is taking a lot of Top Priority placements on my list. After like 2 days of having to cross out 12 slots of them due to circumstances. It feels... disgusting. It actually is making me physically sick to think of the people who are responsible for this.