Fiction
A YA Story Looking for Input
*** This is basically an excerpt from a YA/Upper Middle grade story looking for critique.*** My main questions would be - from the perspective of a reader of this genre - does the story grab your attention? What needs to be added to make it more interesting? And, of course, if you notice any grammatical errors or clumsy sentences, feel free to point them out also. Add any critiques to the comment section, or PM if you would like it to be kept more quiet.
By KJ Aartila3 years ago in Critique
Sun & Sand. Top Story - August 2023.
Evan Forrester stalked up the beach and to the beachside bar at least six steps ahead of Katie. This left plenty of room for people to not believe that they were a pair and those people innocently cut in between the two people as groups either made their ways back to the beach or up to the bar as well. A few of them were kind enough to mumble “excuse me” or “pardon me.” No one hung back and allowed her to catch back up with Evan; no one knew about the infractions that they were committing. No; it was the young group of college aged males who knowingly and indiscreetly stared at her to size her up that really bothered the brunette beauty. Had it been in her nature, she might have flipped them off. Today, she was dangerously close to that being in her nature.
By Kent Brindley3 years ago in Critique
Beneath Six Feet - Episode 2
The cold, unforgiving reality of a graveyard weighed heavily on the heart. The air was thick with a melancholic stillness that seemed to permeate the very essence of the place. Beneath a looming canopy of gray clouds, a lone coffin lay poised at the edge of a freshly dug grave, a silent testament to the inevitability of mortality. It was a scene that evoked a poignant blend of emotions, a mixture of grief and contemplation, as those gathered around the grave confronted the fragility of existence.
By Rev Dr. Alexander Fenning-Sencherey3 years ago in Critique
Advice Needed: A Yam's Tale
Hello there, everyone! I am once again taking another break from my regularly scheduled fiction to publish something in the new critique community. It was created by Vocal at a perfect time for me as, sat within my memory stick, a small story opening has existed. The problem with it is... I have no idea where to go with it!
By ThatWriterWoman3 years ago in Critique
To Write or Not to Write?
This was my very first story on Vocal. I wrote it two years ago for the Doomsday Diary challenge and even though it obviously did not place in the challenge, it remains one of my most-read stories. It was published before Vocal made comments on stories possible, so it has no comments on it as of now.
By Lana V Lynx3 years ago in Critique
Under the Oak Tree (An Inkling of Novel)
Before we get to the critiquing... At this point, this 'prologue' is part of a romantic fiction short story I am hoping to enter into the Vocal Writing Awards. (VWAs). But what I noticed as I planned it, I had the makings of a novel idea.
By Alexandria Stanwyck3 years ago in Critique
Fiction Critique Request
I woke to a lot of changes on Vocal again. I was not on Vocal a lot yesterday, Thursday, so I didn't see the new communities, Writers, Chapters, BookClub, and, Critique announced until today. I Only just found out the winners were announced for the Pitch Your Pilot Challenge. I didn't place - that's fine!
By Paul Stewart3 years ago in Critique
Grasshoppers (Work in Progress)
Note: I started this a long time ago and left it in a desk drawer with a plan that remained unfinished. These are only the first seven chapters (I wrote about thirty-three pages), and I would like some feedback on this work. It is based on an actual trip I took with some friends while in Japan, but with a lot of my imagination thrown in. I just wonder if I can take this somewhere...
By Kendall Defoe 3 years ago in Critique
Requesting the Ultimate Critical Thoughts of Others.
Remembering the life that I led the controlling asshole who took everything from me. I don’t know what I will do with all this, it feels like nothing really mattered just getting out of there. All of my dreams had come true like the blink of an eye, writing my memoirs is what started it all. Finding the courage to leave Logan County, Florida. It wasn’t until Uncle Elijah died the many years of therapy that would follow me all the days of my life.
By Emily Curry (Rising Phoenix)3 years ago in Critique
