God's perfect Timing

I'm standing in the middle of a field a puddle all around me, the puddle had been created with my own tears.

I was so lonely it felt like I had lost everything and everyone, but I knew that wasn't true. I had God and I knew this but sometimes waiting on God's timing was so hard. How much longer would she have to wait a year, month, week?

She knew she shouldn't be asking these questions because God seen the picture she couldn't, and he was just doing what was best for her.

She knew her negative thoughts were from satan himself and she shouldn't let him get her down.

Living Godly was hard she started to realize. Because she felt bad when she knew she did something that probably displeased God but thankfully he was a God full of mercy and grace and would forgive as long as she asked.

Right, there she knelt to the ground and asked God to help with everything her failing marriage, the loss of the life she knew and all her conflicting emotions.

Feeling a big weight lift from her shoulders she turned her face to the heavens and praised God. The sky was so golden and the rays from the sun warm, it felt as if God was giving her a hug. She started to walk back home. Yes, I'll just put it in God's hands she thought to herself.

Continuing her walk through the field she noticed some of the things she earlier hadn't like the fact that no birds where singing or even around for that matter.

Actually, she didn't see any wildlife at all.

Thats weird normally this field was teaming with wildlife.

Being in Montana it wasn't uncommon to spot a wild horse either. Yet nothing could be heard or seen. Glancing at the sky she then noticed it was getting very dark and not from being night, there was a storm coming. And it was going to be a doozy. She started to run back to the farm just as rain started to pour from the skies. Now also turning to hail. "Oh no, that may not be good" she said aloud. Just then a funnel started to form in the sky. The prayer, just please don't let it hit the farm and let me get home safe flew through her head. Thankfully she made it home and the tornado never touched down. She walked through the door. Just to be greeted by her inebriated husband who was currently ranting about something. "Where is my dinner woman? Can't you do anything right?" Ahh yes, she had forgotten to put on dinner. "I am only human Carl" She screamed back. Then remembering her prayer, she bit her tongue and didn't say anything else. Yelling won't help she reminded herself. It's exactly how he wants me to react. She could see this was definitely going to be harder than she realized though. Trying to start a conversation thinking maybe that would help she said "did you see the funnel cloud outside; was almost certain it was going to touch down. Real glad I got home safe." "Does it look like I care? Actually, I kind of wish it would have touched down. The closer to you the better." He sneered. She silently turned and went to her room. Once she got there, she started to cry she just didn't want him to see the tears. His words were like a slap to the face. Did he really care that little about her? "Lord Jesus help me" she mumbled. Because she knew she definitely needed him. At this moment he was all she had.

She slowly got up from beside her bed where she had ended up sometime during her prayer. Wiping her eyes that had now turned bloodshot she went to the water basin that sat on her bedside and washed her face. She then straightened her petticoats and fixed her golden colored hair into a twist on the back of her head. She glanced in the mirror blue eyes the color of sapphire looked back at her. It reminded her of her hometown and the little home her family had off the beach. If she closed, her eyes, she could almost smell the salt from the sea. Oh, how she missed that smell. She missed Ireland and her ma and pa. When she had left with Carl, she thought she had a bright future ahead of her. Both newly eighteen and so full of adventure and life. They left Ireland to come here to Montana in hopes of striking it big in the gold rush. But just a pipe dream that never did happen for them. Which in turn slowly made him bitter along with the habit he had picked up of visiting the local taverns.

With them and there failing marriage in the west and her brother who followed and is now fighting in the Civil War in the northern part of the country and her aging parents back home she just no longer knew where she should truly be.

No that's not true she reminded herself, she knew her place was with her husband she just sometimes didn't understand why God placed her with someone who turned out to be abusive.

But praying got her through and she knew fervently praying could help their marriage and soften his heart once again as well. It would just take time and God's timing wasn't the same as her timing. And even though his words were hurtful yes and considered abusive by most he was never physically abusive, and she knew this wasn't the general nature of her husband who was once sweet and kind. Generous and full of life and laughter. A man that loved spending time with his family and the local orphan children.

"children" she sighed.

She knew that was the actual root and start of his anger the child they had lost to miscarriage on the trip here. A tear slipped down her cheek just thinking of it. The difference in their demeanor? All though both raised in the church. After that dreadful night that changed their lives forever, she turned closer to God and, he turned away.

She walked outside to see if any of the animals needed tending to, she hadn't been out to the barn to milk the cow just yet. She surprised she didn't hear the protests from old Betsy in the house. Grabbing the stole, she sat down next to Betsy as her tail flicked away a fly that had landed on her backside. She heard the milk slowly start to fill the bucket. Her mind began to wonder, she hadn't eaten yet. A stew and some homemade pie sounded really good right now. With a fresh glass of milk. Just then she hears a faint squawking noise. She wondered what it could be. She stopped and listened for a moment to try to locate the noise. God where is that noise coming from, she thought to herself. Just then she heard a little rustling noise in the loft. Watching her footing on the old rickety ladder that was broken in some spots she slowly made her way up the ladder. When she finally made it to the top, she searched through the old hay to find the animal making the noise. And there in a nest all by itself was a little baby barn owl. She searched to see if the mom was nearby. No sign of mom or siblings. She smiled to herself, she felt like the little owl was but there by God just for her. Knowing she needed it and it needed her. She took a kerchief from her apron and slowly, gently wrapped it around the little owl. Scurrying back down the ladder. Lifting up a quick prayer of thanks for allowing it not to break. She went inside. Owl in one hand milk in the other.

She set both on the table then turned to the cabinets to find something that could be used to feed the little fledgling.

Just then she thought to rip a little piece of cloth to feed the baby. She sat down and twisted the end of the cloth and began to dip it into the milk and place it in the owl's beak. Smiling as the bird slowly took the milk for, she knew the thought came from Jesus and Jesus alone. For she would have never thought of it.

Just then she heard a scoff. Looking over her shoulder she seen a look of disapproval from her husband.

"Why do you have that filthy vermin in my home?" He scoffed again.

Saying a short prayer for help to remain calm she replied. "Sweetheart don't you remember when we used to rescue animal all the time back in Ireland? You used to love it. It brought you such joy."

"Well, that was the past" he said in a sad almost longing manner. Not the same hateful tone she had become accustomed to hearing.

He walked out of the house. Where he was going, she had no clue. She never questioned him anymore.

A month had gone by since the storm, the one that almost actually touched down, the one that was happening withing her marriage and as well in her heart with her conflicting emotions she had had.

It also has been a month since God seen fit to give her the little fledgling who now had grown into the most magnificent owl with the most extraordinary coloring and markings she had ever seen.

He always stayed near by the house. He currently was perched on her front porch railing, peering into the window.

A lot had changed with her husband as well. He was slowly becoming softer spoken again and his words becoming gentler. She'd continue to pray for him.

Just then she remembered her parents back home. Oh, her dear parents. They had written to tell of the fish they had caught, and the garden ma was growing.

She shook her head slightly, smiling to herself. It was hard to believe they were both almost eighty years old.

She set down at the table quill in hand. Dipping it in the ink well she began to let it flow against the stationery a luxury she was glad to have.

The words came

"Dear ma and pa,

I'm glad all is doing well there. I wish I had been there for fishing season you know it was always a favourite time for me. The smell of the sea and the rock of the boat. And ma I just loved hearing of your garden; I'm also working on getting mine started here as well. You know I never did get that green thumb you have always had though. But with God it will grow. Speaking of God, I see him working a lot in my life as well and I'm very grateful. I've been able to stay calm throughout all these trials, which is a blessing and I see him working in Carl's life too. I just wish Carl would see when we lost that baby on the trip here and then our whole world seemed to take a turn for the worst. It wasn't just hard on him but me also. I have faith he will soon see this though. Well, I best go get dinner started, he'll be home soon. I'm making his favourite's. Beef stew and corn bread. Much love and God bless.

Your daughter

Rebecca "

Just as she was slowly putting the quill pen back into its delicate wooden box, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her and then a damp cheek rest against her own. Carl had read the note to her parents. She didn't even realize he had been there.

"I am so sorry Rebecca; I was so wrapped up in my own sorrow from all our losses I didn't take the time to see that you were hurting too and needed me. Instead, I questioned God and his love for me since he took my son away. I now see that some things we just aren't meant to understand though. And amazingly he still seen fit to give me such a loving a sweet wife who stuck by me even in the hardest and darkest of times. And fervently prayed for me to return to God and to her. And for that I am so grateful. I truly love you my dear Rebecca."

Sobbing Rebecca got up and wrapped her arms around her husband. Oh, she had missed him so. She was so thankful her prayers had finally been answered, in God's perfect timing.