Hope is the Thing with Feathers

Urgent, terse whispers trickled their way through the warped floorboards above Maya’s head. She rolled over, frowning, and batted them away- but they insisted, wrapping around the shells of her ears, seeping into hazy, confused dreams of shadows and stars. It’s gone, it’s been taken. Are you sure he left it there? Maybe he was confused. No, it’s gone, and whoever took it is a dead man walking.

She jolted upright, the silkiness of sleep slipping away like water. She winced- her bones felt stiff, as if every joint had been welded together expertly. Her skin was mottled with bruises. Janey, with her honey words, would have said they were something special. A roadmap of all the places she’d been, floors she’d curled up and slept on. Maya shook her head. They were not special, they were painful.

Maya stretched out her legs and looked around the room- a shabby basement, the kind a small girl could hide in for days completely unnoticed. Footsteps creaked on the floorboards above her. We’ll find it, don’t worry, we’ll look everywhere. Twenty grand doesn’t just disappear.

Sparks of adrenaline shot through Maya’s veins, panic building behind her eyes. She bolted upright, stumbling to the hole in the corner of the room- crumbling cement worn away into a space just large enough for a small black book, and a patchwork pouch bulging at its tired seams. She pressed the book to her chest, calming the trembling in her tired limbs. The worn leather was salvation. Janey’s honey words drifted on the air- Maya, my little bird, floating on the wind; sing your song as loud as you can so they can hear you in heaven. The weight of her sister’s phantom arms around her shoulders were a balm for the pounding and the stammering of her heart. She turned the pages with the reverence of a devotee. You’ll be alright, the yellowing pages and scrawls of poetry whispered. Make it home, home to me, to our new life, little bird.

The scuff of shoes on fading floor polish jolted Maya into the present. She tucked the little black book, her lifeline, into the pocket of Janey’s threadbare jacket and grabbed up the overstuffed pouch. Check it’s safe, your future, our future, Janey and me. A stack of green stared back at her, unnerving and unreal. She pressed the tip of a shaky finger to the sharp edge of the pile, twenty thousand blessings in her patchwork pouch.

She and Janey were playing when she found it. Hide and seek, her favourite, because Janey always let her win. I’m coming, birdy! Get hidden! Janey was looking on the other side of the ramshackle shed they were using for the game, pretending she didn’t see Maya’s dark head bobbing behind the rusted-through plough in the far corner. Maya pressed a hand to her mouth, stifling a giggle. Janey’s sing-songy taunting grew closer. Maya’s eyes widened and she turned to the wall, searching for a small space to crawl into and conceal herself. There! A hide-away just large enough for a little girl to squeeze into. She pressed herself onto her stomach and wriggled towards the entrance, squeaking as Janey closed in. She curled into the space and reached out an arm into the dark, Janey’s warning about snakes in the summertime echoing in her ears. Oh- a solid edge, a warm sting, tears in her eyes. She recoiled, pressing her arm to her side, crying out.

“Maya! Birdy, what’s wrong?” Janey’s concerned face appeared in the entrance. Maya whimpered and reached out for her, as she had always done, since she was small, and Janey had become her protector- as it went when there was emptiness in her mother’s eyes and absence where her father had once been. Janey turned over Maya’s outstretched hand and gasped.

“Oh, birdy, you’ve gotten a papercut. How did you do that?” Janey was trying to sound calm, like she always did. Maya swallowed back the tears threatening to spill down her face, shrugging her shoulders in confusion. Janey gestured for her to move over in the tight space, leaning down to peer behind her sister’s small form.

It was then that Janey gasped, in a different way than she had before. It was the kind of sound that Maya knew would change everything she had ever known to be true in the space of a breath. She scooted out of the space and pressed herself to her sister’s warm side, protesting quietly as Janey leaned forward, into the space Maya had been. As she sat back, rocking on her heels, Maya took in the sight of her life stretching and subverting and slipping away from its predetermined course. Janey turned over the stacks of money in her hand, slipping a shaky finger under the thick rubber band. Her pupils were wide with amazement, black holes that swallowed up the clear green of her eyes.

“Janey?” Maya’s voice wobbled. Janey turned to her slowly, as if she were moving through honey. She held the money up between them.

“Do you know what this is, birdy?” She whispered. Maya nodded. “Do you know what this could do for us? We can run, we can go somewhere, anywhere, to the beach or to the city- oh, birdy, you can go to a special school and use that clever little head of yours- we have to go, we have to take this away from here.” Janey was talking so fast she stumbled over her words, clambering to her feet and pulling Maya up with her. The ecstatic cadence of her voice ignited a childish excitement in Maya- the excitement of being involved in Janey’s adventures, her schemes, her poetry scribbled on the pages of her beloved black notebook.

They hurried towards the door, tripping over their plans and bubbling excitement. Maya’s voice was rising as she described the house they would live in- a two-storey weatherboard by the ocean- when Janey froze. Heavy footsteps sounded on the path outside. Janey’s hand clamped down on Maya’s upper arm like a band of steel.

“Birdy,” she said, without looking down at Maya. “You need to run. Go to the house and find my bag, the one I made at school. Put the money there and hide- the best hiding spot you’ve ever found, I need you to go there, okay? Wait two days and then go to the dock. I’ll be there, birdy. It’ll be okay, you just need to stay hidden. Okay?” she pressed the money into Maya’s chest. Hot bars of panic started burning in Maya’s chest.

“Janey?” she whispered. Janey shushed her and turned her towards the back door.

“Take this too. For when you need some honey words.” Janey slipped her little black book out of the pocket of her jacket, then hesitated. Harsh shouts split the air outside- there’s footsteps here, who’s been down here, are you sure it’s secure? Janey tugged off her jacket and slipped it around Maya’s shoulders, the black book resting in the pocket over her heart. She grabbed Maya’s hand and lead her out the back door, wincing at its creak.

“You need to run now, birdy. I’ll see you soon.” She pressed a kiss to Maya’s head. Don’t go! Maya’s thoughts clamoured and shook inside her mind, but she nodded. Janey smiled; the smile Maya dreamed of; the smile she would know in the darkest corner of the darkest hiding place.

“Fly away, birdy.” Janey turned, and she ran. As she always had, Maya did the same.

Maya jumped as the rotting wooden door to the basement creaked. There was a vent set in the wall that led to the barren garden outside- she had checked the night before, Janey’s practical voice in her head, urging her on. She clutched the pouch close to her chest, touched the little black book resting in the pocket over her heart, and ran.