satire
Food industry and celebrity satire presented by Feast.
A Love Letter to Coffee
Dear Coffee, You are my one true love. You make everything in my life easier. You are the main reason I get out of bed most mornings. The idea that I get to have you at work makes my entire day. You are my motivation: You keep me awake and keep pushing me to move forward. Without you, I would be falling asleep at my desk. Honestly, without you, I probably wouldn't even still have a job. But you're not just there for me in the mornings. You're there during meetings to give me something to sip on. You're there when I'm meeting up with someone. You give me something to hold onto when I'm feeling awkward. You make hangovers almost bearable. And at two in the morning, when my kid won't go to sleep or I have a big test to study for, you are always there to help me out. You never let me down.
By Michelle Schultz7 years ago in Feast
My Love Affair with Sugar
When I was a child... right up until I was in my early forties.. I could eat anything that I wanted and I didn't gain weight. I was so skinny when I was 10 that my mother decided to supplement my diet, or lack of diet, with an interesting concoction called beef, liver, and wine. A spoonful a day was supposed to increase one's appetite. Unfortunately, it had the reverse effect on me. It basically made me spew out what little food I had in my stomach to begin with.
By Linda Paul7 years ago in Feast
I Can't Stop Thinking About You at 2 AM
What's the point of sleeping if all I'm going to do is think about you? I lay in my bed and think about all of the things that could have been, but weren't. The memories of us replay over and over in my head, pushing out thoughts of anything else. When I try to get away from you because I know it's best for me, you keep showing up everywhere. My friends still love you, and my parents keep asking about you. I can't go on social media for one day without seeing something about you, and it's like there is no escape. Everyone tells me that "It's OK to get back together once in a while," but I can't handle the constant hello's and goodbyes. When I crawl back to you thinking that I'm strong enough not to become attached again, it's even more difficult to step back, and it tears my heart apart.
By isabella !7 years ago in Feast
The Pantry Wars
There is a feud that few people know of. Between the clans of Rutaceae and Anthocarp. Within the clan of Rutaceae the Citrus sinensis family, the Orange family strongly dictate the feudal fights and are the forerunners of the fight. Whereas within the clan of Anthocarp, the Musa family, the Banana family, the proud, and astute leading name of the lower fruit shelves. However, there has been a feud between the two since the last time the pantry was restocked. The Oranges and the Bananas were once neighbors. However, because of their close proximity, the bruisers, and the ninjas would fight incessantly. The sheer number of Oranges forced the Bananas to a lower shelf, and thus claiming superior rule upon the pantry and its contents. The Banana family bruised, and beaten have taken the upper hand in the fighting; singling them out and peeling them one by one. Getting under their skin, and striking fear in their cores. Recently with the death of Lord Sheldon the Swift, the Bananas have been calling for all-out war. Rallying their clan and many food groups to their cause, likewise, the Oranges have called upon their allies for support. The battle for the Shelves has ended, the battle for the Pantry begins.
By Christopher Grenchik8 years ago in Feast
A World Without Oreos
It all started when Oreo publicly shamed me on Twitter. I had posted a photo of chocolate sandwich cookies that I had eaten and I referred to them as Oreos. They were not Oreos. Oreo told me that, for the whole world to see. I was ashamed I could never show my face again. I moved away, changed my name, deleted my Twitter, and I never bought an Oreo again.
By Tanner Masters8 years ago in Feast
The Way to This Man's Heart is Through His Stomach!
I am not a king, a President or the head of a huge organization of any sort. I am a plain person who is just trying to live my life from one day to the next. I am not fancy and do not require special preparations. I am just ME, a regular New York City male.
By Maurice Bernier8 years ago in Feast
A Quest for Lettuce
Last night was difficult, to say the least. I like to be in bed early. Nine, ten o’clock at the latest. Relax. Read, and drift peacefully off to sleep. But at about quarter till nine last night, I made the mistake of looking in my fridge. Empty.
By Lon Casler Bixby8 years ago in Feast
