Christmas with Chris

Chris was planning on having a great time. He jumped at the chance to see all his old college friends, when Matt called and said he was having a Christmas get together. He should bring Mandy and if they wanted, bring a $20 funny grab bag gift.

Saturday rolled around and the afternoon skies turned dark. It looked like snow and the weather guy was calling for up to 8”. Chris didn’t mind driving in the snow. He was raised in the Northeast so snowy winters were an expected thing. Unlike Chris who had been raised in Connecticut, Mandy was a transplanted Arizona girl to whom winter was a whole new novelty. She thought snow was beautiful and liked to watch it fall but didn’t enjoy driving in it.

“Stop being such a wimp. It’s just snow. We’re fine,” Chris told her as they slid around the corner. She grabbed the door handle and stomped on her imaginary brake. She got a little angry when Chris laughed at her.

The door at Matt’s place was chocked open and the falling snow was starting to make its way in the door.

“Hey Matt. The snow is coming in,” Chris shouted as he came through the door.

“Swing it shut then,” Matt yelled back. Chris slammed the door behind him.

He was circling the room seeing all his old school buddies, and not really knowing anyone, Mandy just followed him around.

The liquor was flowing and there was food all over the place. Each table or bookcase had a tray full of chips and dip, pretzels or cheese and crackers. Several half empty liquor bottles sat at the bar next to a half keg of beer. The red Solo cups were stacked in neat piles but several had made their way to the floor.

Chris found his way to the bar and made himself a rum and coke, mostly rum Mandy noted. She chose a soda for herself and plopped down on the sofa next to a pretty blonde girl in a lowcut green blouse. Mandy thought, obviously a former cheerleader. She had not been popular in high school and never thought she was pretty. She had unruly hair and a face full of teenage acne and never hung out with the popular kids or the athletes and was certainly never considered for the cheerleading squad.

The grab bag was a hoot. Everyone was laughing at all the unusual, comical gifts that had been brought. When it came Chris’ turn, he chose a box wrapped in red and green Santa Claus paper and tossed it to Mandy to open.

Mandy fumbled with the package, a little embarrassed now that everyone was watching her. She opened the box and out popped a big plastic penis with a big red bow. The card read “Merry Dickmas.”

She didn’t think it was particularly funny but everyone in the room roared. Chris picked up his gift and showed it off to everyone yelling, “Look. I got a dick for Christmas.” Mandy just thought No no no, you’re being a dick for Christmas.

Midnight rolled around and Mandy was ready to leave. She hadn’t seen Chris in more than an hour and had no idea what he was up to. She, more than a little annoyed now, watched as he stumbled into the room. He had promised he wouldn’t get drunk and he appeared to be way beyond that.

I’m done with him and I am certainly not getting in the car with him, she thought.

Chris stumbled over and fell on the couch, face down into the pillow.

“You’re drunk,” Mandy scolded.

“You’re kidding, you think I had too much to drink?” He laughed and turned over onto his back on the sofa.

“Ya, I think so. Give me the keys. I’m driving.”

“Oh no, missy, you are not fucking driving my car,” Chris said as he tried to get off the couch and stand still without swaying. Mandy was feeling seasick just watching him.

“I’m not getting in the car with you,” Mandy mumbled.

“Fine, you stay here. I’m going home, you bitch.”

A heated argument began and everyone was watching now. Matt stepped forward and said “Chris, Mandy’s right. You can’t drive. Give me the keys.”

Chris felt a little ganged up on now, but after several minutes, Chris surrendered his keys.