Frozen Realizations

It was a Sunday night, mid-January in the backcountry of Jackson Wyoming, and Emmet Faith was folding his tattered dirty laundry and preparing to tuck his belongings into the cupboards of his new house. Emmet sat there in his 1984 Dodge B-Series van parked on the side of a back road, which he recently spent three-quarters of his life savings on to convert into his first mobile space he called “home”. Emmet had traveled from Pennsylvania to Montana the week after his conversion van was completed. The life that Emmet dreamed of was not very concise or defined yet, but he knew he did not want to obey the norms of society and end up wasting his life away. Emmet had a strong passion for being outside, and he was determined to break free of the college path being pressured upon him. Emmet wanted to find himself and determine what his place was in the world that was approaching him so quickly.

As Emmet finished packing away his belongings for the night, he turned off the lantern that once lit up his van. The tiny space went from being filled with a warm auburn sensation, to a pitch black with nothing but some moonlight leaking through the windows on either side of his bed to keep Emmet company. He had been on the road for a few weeks now, and he would occasionally see other travelers on his route but his conversations with them were minimal. Emmet lay there on his mattress being supported by the wooden frame him and his father had built together. Staring up at the ceiling, he was able to channel deeper and deeper into his thoughts as the nights passed by. Sometimes Emmet was frightened by the loneliness, but other times he was so occupied by his quest that he would often forget the situation he was in. Slowly Emmet started to drift off to sleep...

Suddenly, he was awoken by a loud buzzing noise. His phone would go off occasionally, so he was unfazed at first. Then Emmet noticed it was his mother calling him, which was odd because it was the middle of the night in Montana, which meant it was even later in Pennsylvania where his family was. Emmet answered the phone, and immediately he knew something was wrong. His mother sounded dreadfully upset, and he could hardly hear the words she was trying to make out. When he finally understood what she was saying, his heart sunk, and his mood shifted dramatically. His father had been diagnosed with ALS that night, and his family had just found out. Emmet could hear the sorrow and devastation in his mother’s voice, and it was the exact same emotions that were overcoming his body in that moment. Without second guessing, Emmet frantically hung up the phone, grabbed the keys to his van, and started up the engine. He was making a B-line home, and he was prepared to drive through the night if it meant he could be there with his family.

It was barely snowing earlier that day, but now it was coming down a lot stronger than before. Massive snow flurries encapsulated the windshield, and his old van was doing its best to fight off the overwhelming flakes. His tires were made for tough conditions, but this was putting them to the test. Emmet’s glasses started to fog up from the cool air, and he was constantly wiping them off with his shirt to clear his vision. He knew driving in this storm was dangerous, but he did not care. A tear started to fall down his face, but he held them back as best as he could so he could continue driving. Emmet did not have directions home, but he figured he could drive in the general direction until daylight where he could stop and re-navigate.

It was getting harder and harder for him to see the roads, and they quickly shifted from a brown gravel to a white sheet of snow. Emmet tried driving faster out of frustration and anger. Suddenly, a bright yellow light appeared in the middle of the road, and Emmet swerved off the road, down the side of a steep hill, through some thick brush, onto what looked like a giant empty field. His van spun and skidded across the field from the momentum the vehicle had picked up. It slowly came to a stop in the middle after what felt like the van had traveled the length of a football field.

The impact from the crash had Emmet shaken up, and he felt like he was going to pass out. Luckily, he was wearing his seatbelt and after inspecting himself it did not appear like he had any major injuries. After a minute of catching his breath and calming down his racing heart, Emmet wiped his glasses and stepped out of the van onto a slippery sheet of ice…

It was not a field that Emmet’s van had skid across, it was a frozen pond. He was too far from civilization to walk anywhere, and the temperatures were too cold to survive in the surrounding forest for the night. His only option was to get the van off the ice and back onto the road. He stepped back into his van and inserted the keys into the ignition. He turned the keys, but the van would not start. “Come on, not now please, please”, he whispered in disbelief. His van would not start, and he was stuck in the middle of the frozen pond with no where to go. For the last several weeks Emmet had been meditating every day to help with his breathing. This practice was coming in handy now as he sat there in his van and slowly told himself that everything was going to be okay. “Focus on one problem at a time”, he told himself quietly. Emmet had heavy insulated blankets and a backup generator for emergencies, so he was convinced that staying in the van would be the best option for the night because he would be able to stay warm.

Emmet put on his thick snow coat and stared out the window of his van. He sat there in shock at the whirlwind of events he had just gone through. Slowly the snowfall came to a halt, and the clouds that once cluttered the sky before started to scatter. He noticed the stars were getting brighter and brighter as the mist and the fog cleared up. The stars were some of the best he had ever seen. The milky way was glistening, and the outlines of galaxies were painting the night sky. Emmet was amazed at how dense the stars were, and they lit up the pond with a miraculous blue ray of light. He felt a warm and happy sensation overcome him, and he stepped out of the van and onto the ice. Not only were the stars magnificent, but the blue light shining down from them had lit up the frozen pond beneath Emmet and his van. It was like he was standing on top of a giant beaming crystal being powered by the night sky, and it was breathtaking.

While still being mesmerized by his surroundings, he heard a loud “hooing” noise from across the pond. Emmet glanced over to the top of a tall narrow pine tree where there was a large owl and three owlets perched on the same branch hollering away at one another. Their eyes were a bright orange, and they went perfectly together with the powerful reflection of the stars. The noises of other animals started to fill the air, and Emmet could hear the creatures of nature singing together in harmony. Emmet was overcome by the magical scene surrounding him, and he lost sight of the unfortunate situation he was currently in. It was as if the pond was holding Emmet tight, promising to him that there is still brightness left despite all the darkness in his life. Emmet started to cry, and this time he did not hold in the tears. He looked up into the sky and it was clear to him what was important, his family and loved ones. For his frustrations with the world and society were evident, but he knew he could no longer blame his loved ones for it. There were very few times in Emmet’s life where he felt as safe and fortunate as he felt now on the frozen pond. These moments took him back to when he was in his family’s arms, surrounded by love and acceptance.

Ring. Ring. Emmet’s 9:00 AM alarm clock went off. Emmet turned off the alarm clock and sat up and looked around. He was in the bed in the back of his van, right where he had parked it the night before. He felt a sigh of relief as he realized the horrible news he had received was only a dream. He had been spending so much time alone, deep in thought, that his dreams seemed so realistic it was hard for him to distinguish them from reality. Emmet sat there in his bed for a few minutes, replaying everything he could remember from the dream in his head. “Was I really on a frozen pond?”, he chuckled to himself.

Emmet realized he had been on the road for long enough, and it was time to start heading back home, to his real home. Being on the road in the mountains was lovely, but Emmet needed to spend some time catching up with his family and making sure they knew how much he loved and appreciated them. The quest he went on was to find himself, and Emmet believed he had achieved a lot towards this goal, but he wanted to finish the quest somewhere where he was forced to go even further out of his comfort zone. He wanted to make a difference in society, stand up to social norms, lead others, and set an example for his family so they could understand what he is after. Emmet inserted the keys into the ignition of the van, and it started instantly. Emmet said out loud to the van, “Wow buddy, I am surprised you still start like you are brand new”, and he laughed to himself.