Heart divided by light and darkness

I had fallen for them both.

The man who would sacrifice the world to be with me, and the one who would sacrifice himself for me.

Fire and ice.

One steady and one unpredictable – but both dangerous and able to crush my heart with one wrong movement.

The man made of darkness had awakened a thirst within me, and no matter how much I drank, I never felt satisfied.

Always parched. Always wanting more.

When I closed my eyes, it was him I saw, the one I pictured in my mind and found in my dreams. To others, he was a nightmare, but not to me. But at the same time, I always knew I could count on Brimwell. I liked the feeling of safety. Whenever I called, he was there, waiting.

Could the same be said for Ashmir? Would he be there when I needed him most? If not… was it even a choice? Or a question for debate?

It was a dance between the noble and the ruthless man.

Light and darkness.

I loved them both, so how could I ever choose between them? It would mean breaking my heart into tiny pieces, leaving me torn, bare, and wide open for the taking.

They stood before me, each having stolen a piece of my heart – one I’d more than willingly given and would be lost without. I reached for their hands. Brimwell took mine, and warmth spread through me and calmed me, but Ashmir didn’t move. Still, I felt his darkness reining me in, and I was powerless to stop it.

I released Brimwell and took a step toward Ashmir, tasting the sweet magic swirling around me – urging me forward.

Ashmir's lips parted in surprise, and he looked even more tempting than before, and a pure force seemed to welcome me, to inhale me. And Ashmir looked at me as if I were a forbidden fruit he was dying to try for himself.

Did he even know what power he held over me? One look, and he disarmed me, and those emerald green eyes dug a hole in my heart and filled it with his blackness, corrupting me from the inside.

I forgot everything else, and reasoning left me.

“I am sorry," I said.

“For what?” Ashmir whispered.

He was always so good at pretending, but I heard how his voice shook.

“For not choosing.” Ashmir smiled at that, teeth and dimples showing, and my heart expanded at the sight.

Brimwell caught my hand; I felt his warm touch holding me in place, but he seemed so far away now.

“You will,” Ashmir said with as much confidence as he could muster, but I knew the truth. I felt it in the air; it seemed to dance around us in a slow and gracious movement, leaving heat in its wake.

Ashmir lifted his hand to me, and I took it, but before he could pull me in, Brimwell stopped him. “Wait!” Brimwell gripped me by the waist, turning me to face him. Logic returned, and the darkness released its steady hold on me.

I would always be torn between them: one who held everything together, the other who could bring destruction—if I let his power take hold of me.

“He is using his magic… don’t you see?” Brimwell explained, pointing a disapproving finger at Ashmir.

My gaze shifted between the two men. Ashmir laughed, and when he neared me, his scent of spices, vanilla, and smoke enveloped me. It was sweet and dark at the same time. “I wouldn’t be able to tempt her with magic if she didn’t want me to… And besides what you may think, I wasn’t the one using it. She was.”

My eyes traveled to Ashmir's in a second, and I already knew the answer. He wasn’t lying. But I didn’t even know how to use it.

“I…” I tried to protest, but my words died out.

Ashmir's warm breath brushed my cheek. “You can’t even lie, can you?”

Our eyes met, and a question formed on my lips, but before I could say anything, he answered it for me.

“You can't tell lies in front of your destiny.” The question was, what did he really mean by that? The truth was… I already knew the answer to that question. My destiny had already claimed me as his own.

Brimwell wasn’t the light that stood against the darkness. It wasn’t even a matter of a conflict.

It was about me. I was the light that lit up the darkness. But it was never about killing it altogether; it was a question of balance.

I knew in that moment that Brimwell and I had been doomed from the start. I knew that now.

And as soon as I’d thought that, I felt a piece of my heart melting away – as if my body already understood what the future had in store for me.

The choice had been made.