Humor
The Prom
It was a depressing day over at Summerville High school when the intercom had announced that the prom was being cancelled. Many students were devastated by the news but the school year continued on as it would. Months have passed since the announcement, and most students had seemed to forgotten there ever was going to be a prom until one Monday afternoon. As classes were ending, the intercom had announced that thanks to a budget surplus in the school's funding the Summerville prom was back on! Students began to cheer but we're quickly silenced, after hearing that the prom was scheduled for that very Friday! What started as a call for celebration turned into a roar of panic. Students scattered out of their classrooms into the halls hunting for their potential date! Tommy Hernandez, an average teen boy attending Summerville High, was among those searching for their date. He knew exactly who he was after, a gorgeous young lady named Susan Vang. She was easily one of the prettiest girls in Summerville, and unfortunately for Tommy, he wasn't the only one who felt this way. By the time Tommy had found her, Susan had what seemed like miles of boys throwing themselves at her. Tommy was never someone to be easily discouraged, and being the gentleman he was he waited for his chance to ask her out. So he waited in that line... and he waited in line... And waited... And waited some more... Until finally, it seemed Susan had enough of all the empty proposals and began to walk past the line, only to meet eyes with Tommy who was waiting at the end. Feeling a spark between each other, she asked him why he was waiting there. He answered back explaining that he's been waiting in line this whole time to ask her to the prom. She smiled and noted that she could've said yes to the droves of boys before him, and that it would've been smarter to ask someone else rather than wait for her. He replied that there was no one else he'd rather go with. Seeing charm in his patience and dedication, Susan accepts Tommy's proposal to the prom. The following days would continue to test Tommy's patience as he had to wait in line for nearly everything leading up to the prom. He waited in line at the bouquet store. He waited in line at the tailor shop. He waited in line at the rental dealership. Tommy began to feel like he should start showing up earlier for these things, but that didn't change that he waited patiently in every line. The day was now Friday and everything was going perfect! All of Tommy's patience was paying off. Tommy and Susan wore stunning outfits with a beautiful bouquet and corsages to compliment. They arrived in a limousine, accompanied by a few friends and their dates. Their prom experience to this point was nothing short of amazing and the build up to entering the venue was intense! But as they passed through the doors, Tommy and Susan were met with what seemed like a very rushed, underwhelming attempt for a birthday party. So Tommy and Susan sat down, taking in their prom experience. Susan breaks the silence between them praising all the effort Tommy put into their date, acknowledging all the waiting he's done this week for her. Tommy smiles, thanks her and mentions he'd do it again in a heartbeat. Susan then tells him she would rather go out just the two of them than stay at this prom; describing it as a bad joke. Tommy looks around, then back at her and replies "Well at least there's no punch line!"
By Evan Trevino5 years ago in Fiction
If Your Cat Could Talk
Have you ever wished that you could really tell what your cat or dog was saying to you? You may be an expert at reading their mews, miaows, growls, barks and gestures, but what if they could actually use words? Wouldn’t that be so much better?
By John Welford5 years ago in Fiction
Destiny Decided by a Dingy Diviner, Dice, and Dad
I am not a very decisive person. Give me an ultimatum between two choices and I will pick option three that you didn’t realise was there - to not decide anything. It could be a blessing in disguise, but I’m pretty sure it is a curse.
By Eloise Robertson 5 years ago in Fiction
The suspicious package was very suspicious.
It was spring break in the early ‘00s, and the world was a new and more dangerous place. The towers had fallen, and wars were being waged, but nothing stands between college-aged co-eds and their beer. The kids this year were doubling down though. With war in the air and feelings of patriotism at an all-time high, people were “partying like it was 1999,” as we used to say back in the day.
By Rick Wasserman5 years ago in Fiction
Never Judge a Cat by Its Cover
My friend, Dawn, has a beautiful full-blooded Ragdoll cat, Thumper. The cat is a giant. He must weigh thirty pounds which draws attention to the cat. This cat is not a ball of fat; instead, he is a lean cat machine. All muscle. He has large shimmery blue eyes. Because the cat is a Ragdoll, he has a dark face mask with dark boots on all four feet. One-fourth of his tail is also dark. He looks like a big, beautiful, cuddly ball of black and white love. Thumper is not.
By Toni Crowe5 years ago in Fiction
Pork Pie
We had a family friend called Arthur. Of all of our friends and acquaintances Arthur was the roughest. And I mean rough as a badger’s arse. He wasn’t very educated and he was certainly opinionated but as the saying goes, he was a rough diamond and would do anything to help out (especially old ladies).
By Julie Murrow5 years ago in Fiction
All My Friends and Relatives Eat Shit
“Hi there. My name is Ralph and I’m a Dung Beetle. I live on the western edge of the tropical Amazon rainforest in a country called Ecuador. I very seldom see the sun because of the massive overhead canopy formed by the large tropical trees in our neighborhood. We do have a daytime and a night time though. The night time is very dark and I can often see the stars through the openings in the trees. But in the daytime, it is very difficult to see the sky. Because of the light coming through the leaves above me, everything appears to have a green tinge to it. I’ve heard that in most places in the world, daylight is white. In my forest, however, the daylight is green light.
By John Oliver Smith5 years ago in Fiction
Zuma
“Mom, I can stand up!” “I know you can, but you can show me some other time. Please sit.” Four-year-old Tyson wanted to do everything the way his older brother did, including pee standing up. But their flight was about to board and Marielle didn’t have time to wipe up the pee that would invariably end up on the seat and, probably, floor.
By Brett Lalli 5 years ago in Fiction
