Satire

How to Become a Werewolf. Honorable Mention in Instructions Included Challenge.
Thank you for choosing Lycan Brands for your life alteration. WARNING: Side effects of becoming a werewolf may include: bloodlust; drowsiness; insomnia; increased appetite; nausea and decreased appetite caused by overeating; supernatural strength; intermittent and inexplicable aches and pains; itchiness and rash. Do not proceed if you are allergic to becoming a werewolf, or have vasovagal syncope related to the sight of blood (sudden drop in blood pressure resulting in loss of consciousness), or if you are nursing, pregnant, or may become pregnant.
By Ophelia Keane Braeden23 days ago in Fiction
How To Find Yourself
If you are reading this, it is with great regret that I assume you have misplaced yourself in one way or another and now find yourself lost. Below is a practical list of steps to take once realizing you are no longer where you thought you were. Follow the following only as far as you must in order to once again discover yourself.
By jl wood23 days ago in Fiction
Ruin Your Mid-Twenties
Social streaming, also called life streaming, is one of the best ways to absolutely obliterate your circadian rhythm. Start because you are lonely. Like cosmically lonely. Like you talk to the kettle lonely.
By Lacie Grayson23 days ago in Fiction
Rules for Staying Small
Purpose This manual exists to ensure comfort. Not yours — theirs. It was written to prevent disruption, confusion, and unnecessary feelings.
By Alicia Melnick 23 days ago in Fiction
Next
It was a colossal screw-up that put me before this mismatched panel of angels. None of this is my fault. Death by appointment is rare—and this whole mess is the Grim Reaper’s doing.
By Steve Lance23 days ago in Fiction
Welcome to the Nightingale Training Program!. Content Warning.
Welcome to the Nightingale Training Program (NTP)! Congratulations on successfully completing the Nightingale Entrance Exam! If you successfully complete the NTP, you will become the grace and glory of Gallia. We wish you success on your journey with us.
By Leigh Victoria Phan, MS, MFA23 days ago in Fiction
Manual for your New Human Child
Congratulations. Today, you have come into possession of your very own human child. Please read the manual carefully to ensure you do not damage your product and void your warranty.
By Emily McGuff23 days ago in Fiction
How To Write About Another
1) Determine the individual’s position in your life, whether or not they are actively in it. Preferably, be confident that they will be in that position for the foreseeable future.
By Ariana GonBon23 days ago in Fiction
Your New Perfect Boyfriend™
ENKITECH Designing Perfect Humans for Perfect Futures [Alt text: Three 2026 models of the Enkitech Perfect Boyfriend™ (Javier, Isaiah, and Heath) stand in a brightly lit room. Each model appears tall and muscular, is clean shaven, smiling, exposing straight, white teeth. From left to right: Model Javier has golden brown skin, dark brown eyes, jet black, wavy hair that is combed back from his forehead and wears a gray cardigan over a white v-neck t-shirt and black trousers. Javier has one hand tucked into his pocket, and one hand smoothing his hair. Model Isaiah has dark brown skin, green-gray eyes, close-cropped dark brown hair and wears a navy blazer over a partially unbuttoned cream linen shirt tucked into wide-leg trousers. Isaiah tugs at the lapels of his jacket. Model Heath has fair skin, dark blue eyes, reddish-brown hair that is parted and combed to the side and wears a plaid button down shirt tucked into fitted jeans. Heath holds his hands up, fingers touching, in a generally-recognized gesture of gratitude. This image has been ai-enhanced.]
By Kailey Haider23 days ago in Fiction
Penicillin
“Now dear friends, come close, come hither! Listen at my altar and you’ll be blessed forever! Good you’re all here. Post a pic or a missive. I’d hate for your neighbors to see you missin’.
By Matthew J. Fromm23 days ago in Fiction
A Practical Manual for Accountability. Winner in Instructions Included Challenge.
This manual exists because something already went wrong. If you are reading this, it is likely because You caused harm and tried to minimize it.
By Cadma24 days ago in Fiction
Smelly Neighbor
To the Community: In response to complaints from other businesses and residents about our company, we want to address these concerns.
By Andrea Corwin 24 days ago in Fiction