Fun Times in Ancient Rome

There are many among us who are fascinated by the history of ancient Rome. Recognised as one of the greatest empires in history, one might assume it was a great place and time to be alive. Rich or poor, nothing could be further from the truth.

It seems that the ancient Roman Empire was not such a pleasant place to be. You can understand that poor people had a tough time, but even for the emperors, it was no toga party. For those who survived long enough, they took on ambitious and bizarre projects.

The life and times of emperors

Roman emperors gained fame and glory through military might. They controlled gladiators and achieved great engineering feats. Many ruled for only weeks. They often faced grim ends, usually at the hands of their tortured bodyguards or families.

Emperor Nero ended his life by suicide. He is accused of starting the Great Fire of Rome in 64 CE. Many believe he did this to make room for his lavish building projects.

He also saw himself as a performer. When he sang, no one could leave the theater for any reason.

It didn’t pay to have a relationship with Nero either. When he tired of his controlling mother Agrippina’s, he plotted her death. After several failed attempts to poison her, he tried to orchestrate a shipwreck. She managed to survive by swimming to shore. He finally had her stabbed and claimed that she committed suicide.

After divorcing and exiling his wife, Octavia, he accused her of adultery and had her executed.

Emperor Vespasian brought back a tax on urine (vectigal urinae). This tax was important for the laundering and tanning industries in ancient Rome. Urine from public latrines and ceramic chamber pots was dumped into the streets. This practice earned Vespasian a good amount of money.

Emperor Valerian spent his career battling the Persians on the eastern frontier. King Shapur I eventually captured Valerian. He kept him alive as a trophy and often humiliated him. When Shapur wished to mount his horse or chariot, Valerian was made to offer his back and was used as a footstool.

When Shapur was bored of these antics, Valerian was turned into a macabre scarecrow. He was flayed alive. His skin was stuffed with straw and dyed red. It was shown in a Persian temple to remember the king’s victory forever.

The rest of the Roman clan

Using public toilets in ancient Rome sometimes resulted in taking your own life into your own hands. Public urinals were often the homes of rats and snakes that were prone to biting you in the never-never region.

Ancient Rome was somewhat obsessed with bodily secretions. Urine which was taxed by the emperors, was also used as toothpaste in the absence of toothpaste.

Unfortunately, Gatorade did not appear in ancient Rome. Instead, they would dry goat dung, grind it into a powder, and give it to soldiers and athletes in vinegar.

Hygiene was not big in ancient Rome. Most people had parasites. In public toilets without toilet paper, users had to grab a sponge on a stick. This sponge was shared among everyone and kept in vinegar buckets.

In ancient Rome, a spa day meant going to a bathhouse. These bathhouses often had water contaminated with human urine and waste.

The Roman army was not opposed to killing its own citizens. The emperor Tiberius killed more than 35,000 of his own people during his reign. Emperor Maxentius killed thousands of senators to seize their property.

Gladiators have been made out to be heroes of ancient times. Some historians think that each year, about 10,000 gladiators died. They either fought each other or faced starving animals thrown into the ring.

Romans thought that if other gladiators didn’t get you, their blood had special powers. It could cure ailments and restore beauty. So many were bled to death for beauty products.

Maybe ancient Rome was not all that it was cracked up to be?

Till next time,

Calvin