7 Minutes

It’s amazing how long 7 minutes can be when you’re waiting for something…

Questions surround us every day. There are millions upon millions of unanswered questions floating around in the universe. However, not all that can be answered, are asked.

In fact, sometimes the easiest questions to resolve are the hardest ones to ask. 

Courage is something that is buried deep within all of us; however, some are more courageous than others. 

There inevitably comes a time in your life when the consequences of your question become minute, and the tempting future of an answered question becomes more and more enticing. When this time comes you can either follow your heart or step back and think. 

7 minutes feels like forever when you are waiting for an answer.

I knew before I sent it that things were going to change. If that change was for better or for worse I had yet to find out. It was impossible for me to go on and act like nothing had happened. You were different than I had expected. You took care of me and held me. You were not like the rest of them, and I was happy. 

For one night I felt more care and love than I had ever felt before. Your smile, laugh, and the way you held me made everything feel like I was living in a dream. I was floating on a cloud with you by my side, holding my hand for fear I might fly away. But the truth is, I wish I had flown away. Whisked away, high in the sky amongst the birds without a care in the world. But then I would not have you; however, now I’m not so sure I ever did.

    I don’t regret it, I’m glad I know the truth. But if I could change anything, I would choose for you to forget. Forget the text, forget the words, forget me. Seven minutes was all it took for you to analyze my words, break apart each and every comma I spliced together, and make your decision. Seven minutes I waited for you to tell me the truth that deep down I had known for a while.

Seven minutes and everything changed. Seven minutes and the feelings were gone, the smile was gone, and you were gone. 

It felt as if I had been hit by a train. 

I’m not gonna lie, it hurts to text you and try and be friends, it hurts to hear your voice and see your face. At least on some level it should… right? But it doesn’t. Not for me. 

For me, this is my life; this is normal. This pain has its own special place in my heart with a comfy chair and television to keep it company. This feeling is like finding a penny on the street. Sometimes it is new, other times it is old, but it is never a surprise to find a penny on the street. You are my penny on the street, same as all the rest. 

For you it took seven minutes to decide whether you wanted me or not. For me, it took me seven seconds to realize you are not mine, nor are you worth anymore of my time. There are other pennies that I have yet to discover and, on this long and brutally beautiful journey that is my life, I plan to find my perfect penny… or at least a really special one.

Looking back on that day and the response I got to the text that I poured my heart into, it stung, but everything I went through, and continue to go through, has taught me more. Because, you see, seven minutes is a long time… but not nearly as long as a life time of what if’s for never having the courage to even ask (text) the question.