Being Awake is a curse

When I'm awake, there's always a mistake to make.

I Overspend

I overeat mostly crap food.

Not enough exercise

I didn't do a task right.

I didn't remember to do something.

I Have to be asked to do something more than once.

I get tired too quickly.

I get bored too quickly.

I am anxious

I am exhausted.

There's almost too much to remember.

I get sick of things that are too repetitive.

The world is too loud.

I like it when it is quiet, and I don't feel anxious or upset. The silence is welcoming and almost calming to my brain, which normally goes nonstop because of something I said or did that day that was incorrect.

When I sleep or nap for a while, everything goes away, and I can feel human again. Of course, it never lasts long. Once I'm awake, I need to do something or get reprimanded for a mistake, most likely a big one. I try to fix the mistakes, but I usually end up making an even bigger mistake that can't be fixed at all.

I try to do right, but nowadays, I get so tired I just want a break from it all.

Sleeping is restful and recuperative and gives me a break from the seemingly endless mistakes, responsibilities, and requirements of life. I'm not suicidal or anything. I just feel better. When I can sleep to escape making something up, I spiral hard when I'm awake, and it's nice to fall asleep, and my brain quits its yelling.

I enjoy work, school, my friends, and family, but it has become a lot to handle. Sleeping is my respite, my peace, my calm. It not only gives me back what little energy I have but allows me to escape the woes of being awake.

Suppose I've learned anything these past few years. It's that being awake is a curse, and sleep is the way to recover from it. Being tired is annoying, yes, but it can give you a break from the monotony of being awake or needing to be somewhere, complete a task, or whatever.

It resets your tired brain and body. It allows you to settle and reset your brain and body for the rest of the day or the day ahead, whether it's something exciting or terrifying.

Sleep brings peace, relaxation, and recovery. I feel I need more of it. I procrastinate with sleep a lot because bedtime is the time I finally get space to be by myself. I enjoy the peace, minus the occasional sounds from my mom's TV in her room.

Peace is nice, but I get so little of it. So, nighttime is my escape to just exist in quiet, and when I fall asleep, I can sleep off the chaos and mistakes of the day.

Being awake is exhausting and hard. Especially as someone who's neurodivergent and physically disabled, doing normal human things is exhausting. I can have fun and work hard, but by the time the day is done, I'm too exhausted to keep up with chores or things like that, which shouldn't happen at all because I'm young. Yet here I am, a young woman who's almost constantly tired from the most basic things.

Thankfully, when I sleep, I am at peace and feel safe and relaxed. I am tired of being tired. I'm tired of not being able to be someone who doesn't constantly mess up or is tired or bored or anything negative. I hope I can change to be someone good.

Until then, being awake is a curse, and sleep is the cure.