Considering the Odds

If your relationship with your partner is going well, then the two of you might decide that it is time to take the next step. You might decide to move in with each other. Before you do this, sit together and write a list of pros and cons in taking this next step. This might sound silly, but by writing these down, you might be able to see a better picture of if you and your partner are ready for this new move. This will also give both of you the chance to discuss your expectations and fears upon taking this step.

If you find out that there are more pros than there are cons and you decide to move forward, then try to establish your boundaries before you even move in together. For example, let your partner know what habits bother you and what you expect from them after this move. Also, ask your partner about his or her pet peeves and what expectations he or she has for you. This might give you a better idea of what it would be like to live with each other, and it might help derail future fights regarding bad habits as you would have already discussed them.

Also, try to find a place where both of you have no history. Though in some cases, one of you might move into the other’s home, it might actually be easier to find a place that has never been owned or rented by either of you. This gives the two of you a chance for a fresh start, and it puts you both on equal ground when it comes to your living situation. If you live in your partner’s house or he or she lives in your house, there is already a sense of ownership to that place. This makes it more difficult for some people to feel at home, because they feel like the partner that owns the house or is renting the apartment has more control over the home than they do. It can also create trust issues if your partner doesn’t have his or her name on the house or the rental agreement. Without a name on the paperwork, you or your partner might be nervous that he or she can easily get kicked out, and this might cause tension between the two of you.

So, try to start out with a house or apartment that you both get together. Put both of your names on the paperwork, so you both feel like you have ownership over your home, and do your best to split the utilities with each other as well. By doing this, you both will have a new start, without having to worry about fighting over ownership. Also, there will be no past memories in the new place. You will have to make your own. This sets the tone for a fresh start and gives the two of you a chance to build your lives together.

Do your best to make sure that both of you are involved in choosing a place and doing the work that you have to do to get this new place. Try to share the responsibility, even if you are used to being in charge. Try to trust that your partner can pull his or her own weight, even if you haven’t experienced this in the past, and be openminded that your future together can be a positive experience. Remember, you are starting from square one at this point, and though it can be a frightening situation at first, it might be a great step to show each of you how you can do in a more stabilized condition.