Every Day Is Halloween

To my good friends and fellow shipmates on the S.S. Tabula Rasa:

I was half joking when I suggested that one of the challenges for November should be for us to express thanks to each other. I do, in fact, know better. It's cringe, and it's something we were made to do in elementary school, and we're all little anxiety goblins who don't like to be put on the spot. But then Vocal decided to issue the challenge. So, I'll just go ahead and write this in secret and see if anyone discovers it. 😘

You may have heard this from me before, but I cannot stress enough how much this little "life raft" we created to stick together after the drama has done for me. I gravitated toward this community to stretch my wings out from under a suffocating relationship. Then I became more than just a lurker and a weird stranger. I started to realize I could have friends again.

Having "Internet friends" was nothing new to me. I've grown up on the Internet, and I've floated in a few different communities. Like many people my age, I've had "adults" in my life ask me, "but if you've only met them online, are you really 'friends'?" Sure, they absolutely can be. The Internet is a void you can scream into when you're sad, scared, hopeless or lost, and if you're lucky, someone answers. I've had people from our community step up for me in huge ways.

Someone I barely knew took the time to DM with me late at night when I started asking the scary questions and making the hard decisions. Someone else watched a really good movie with me, one-on-one, to help occupy my mind on the day I said goodbye to my ex for the last time. Several people continued to engage with me (or at least put up with me) as I flailed around trying to rediscover myself in the aftermath. (That's more important than you think.) And of course, the big one, someone set me up with my current partner, who has been living with me now for over four years; the ultimate online-friend-to-irl-friend story arc.

Our motto is, "Every day is Halloween." I'm usually too shy to hang out in voice chat, but the power of Spooky Month compels me to spend as many October nights as possible watching movies with you all. I look forward to it so much. Coming together to revel in our love of horror and creativity energizes me. That's been especially true this year. I've been working a lot, and my body and mind are tired. But filling what free time I had during October with you all did a lot to recharge my batteries. Thank you for that.

I also want to thank you for the seasonal "challenges" we started this autumn. It's fun, and it's clever, but more than that: it turns out when we gamify stuff, I actually find some motivation to do stuff. That's been a bit of a surprise. For months, I haven't been able to make the time to write, or crochet, or cross stitch, or... leave the house. But you got me to do all of that just by assigning some brownie points to each prompt and doing them alongside me. For all of that, my therapist thanks you, too.

And when I'm not feeling particularly strong, or confident, or talkative, I still feel included. It means a lot to me that I can exist nearby in a text chat and still be considered "there." I also am super grateful to be able to sit in on livestreams and watch you all play games. Not everyone can say their closest friends keep them company during their work day. I love your art. I love your jokes. I love our occasionally wildly-clashing opinions, which rarely overshadow the experiences we share. We're all so different and so alike.

I'm one of the luckiest people I know. I have not one, but two work-from-home jobs that I love. People read what I write sometimes. I have the sweetest cat in the world. And I have a refuge out on the ocean of the World Wide Web, floating along with the best crew of outcasts I could ask for.

You nerds are the greatest. Thank you, all.