Fix Yourself Instead of Hurting People

There is a quote I keep seeing go around that says "do whatever the f*ck you want, just don't hurt people". It shouldn't be hard for everyone to live by this. There are way too many people who treat other humans as if they're disposable, and they're only around for their amusement or satisfaction. You don't have the right to use anyone, and considering the feelings of others and how your actions affect them should always be among your top priorities.

I'm sure most people have experienced, either first hand or seen happen to their friends, the effects of someone going into a relationship thinking that it's what they need to fix their life and be happy. I'm gonna tell you right now, a relationship is not the answer. It's not gonna magically heal you and make everything okay. A relationship won't fix the real issues and problems in your life, and it's unfair to even hope that it will. It's unreasonable to drag another person into your life when you can barely deal with things as they are. No one deserves that. Take some time to focus on you, instead of trying to be a partner at the same time. You need to dedicate your energy to yourself. Trying to have a relationship is just gonna add extra stress and pressure of wanting to be a good partner. It's not fair on them, and it's not what you need.

It's not someone else's job to fix you. That's not what they signed up for when they started going out with you. You need to heal, but the process is yours, and for you to go through on your own before looking to date. It's okay to not be okay, and everyone has stuff to deal with, but don't hurt someone else in the process of you hurting. The healing process takes time, and dealing with emotions isn't gonna allow you to be the stable and consistent partner the person you're dating deserves. If you're not okay, I'm not sure the person you are representing to a potential date is the best you. Work on yourself, so that when you do meet someone, you can be confident that you're giving them the best you possible. Because to be fair, that is what you want in return, right?

Processing things such as trauma, abuse and other bad experiences is hard, but it needs to be done. Pushing your problems and feelings away is a terrible and short-term solution, and doesn't help you in the long run. You won't be able to run away from your problems forever. It's better to deal with them sooner rather than later. Free yourself from negative feelings. You deserve to be happy, so take the necessary steps to get there.

In the words of RuPaul: "If you can't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?" If you're not happy with yourself, how do you think you'll be able to make someone else happy? I've seen it happen again and again, and unfortunately the answer is that you can't. Expecting a relationship/another person to fix you and for everything to be good once you're with someone, is such a bad way to go about it. The happiness from the relationship isn't gonna magically overshadow everything that's bad, and make all your problems or trauma go away. These are separate, and so are you and your partner. You are your own responsibility.

I'm not saying you need to have a perfect life and zero issues whatsoever to be allowed to start dating, but it's unfair to bring your huge life problems into a new relationship. Everyone has baggage, but it's still your own baggage to handle. Of course the people you meet can support and assist you, but you're still responsible for your own happiness and wellbeing. People deserve to be dating the best version of you, giving the relationship the best possible chance to succeed.

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