Inner Out

8:29 a.m.

Wake up.

Just a few minutes more…

9:23 a.m.

Now you’ve done it. Wake up.

Rub the crust from your eyes and stare absentmindedly at the clock. Oh, you have definitely done it this time.

Stand up.

Go on, stand up. Had you woken up on time, you could have been showered and dressed. You could have eaten breakfast.

Instead, you’re panicking and furiously burrowing through your closet for clothes to wear.

That shirt? Those pants? It’ll do.

9:27 a.m.

Your boss is calling. Answer the phone.

Answer the phone and hope they are in a good mood today.

Why would they be in a good mood when you are clearly the issue they are facing this morning?

Do you ever stop to wonder how your actions affect those around you?

Shoot! Where are the car keys? You lost the car keys again!

9:33 a.m.

The car keys are no where to be found. Do you not remember how you tossed them into the dirty clothes bin last night whilst in your drunken stupor? Oh, now you remember!

They are inside your black pants with rips so big, only half of the jeans are fabric. Tossed into the hamper alongside your wallet and the number of the fellow you met that same night.

Don’t forget to call them. Don’t forget.

Now out the door you rush, locking only one of the three safety locks your father ever so lovingly placed when you first moved in.

10:25 a.m.

The boss was upset, as was expected. You didn’t answer the call. You didn’t call back.

They thought you were lying dead on the side of the road somewhere. Or so they said.

You know they don’t mean it. They are upset because you were late. And they had an important task for you. They needed you to drop off their child’s science project.

But because you were late, they had to do the work themselves.

The reason they’re upset with you is because they had to be the parent for once.

11:30 a.m.

Is it lunch time yet? You realize you don’t have any lunch today. You rushed out of the door so quickly, you didn’t grab your food from the fridge. Not that you would have had a great lunch. Some leftover Chinese food, less than half.

1:45 p.m.

Your stomach is rumbling. You can’t take it anymore. Maybe you can swipe someone else's lunch from the fridge in the lounge?

No.

No. You would not put someone through that. The last time it happened to you.

You were starving throughout the day, but you were mainly angry. Or Hangry? As the kids say.

Kids? Gross.

Speaking of, your coworker hasn’t visited your cubicle today. Thank goodness!

Today is not the day to tolerate her nonsense. You don’t care what any of her 100 children are up to.

Just two more hours and then you can leave.

Just two more hours.

4:30 p.m

You stayed an extra hour and a half to cover your tardiness. No overtime.

This months rent is due soon. Heat up your leftover Chinese Food and wonder if this is all you will ever be. All that schooling only to be a lowly secretary with no job ethic or social empathy. Cynic. Bitter. Let it all go as you overindulge in all but the Chinese Food you left in the microwave. Toss your feelings out of the window.

Let it go.

Let yourself go.

Let it all go.

—-----

9 pm.

Wake up…..

Just a few minutes more.

*Yes, this writing project obviously deals with negative thoughts some of us face. We are the most critical of ourselves, after all. If you or someone you know struggles with mental health issues, please don't hesitate to reach out for help. There are many resources for you.