Letting Go: 4 Pathways to Banish Bitterness

We all have been disappointed at some point in our lives. Perhaps we did not get admission to the college of our choice, or we did not get our dream job, or maybe our marriage failed.

In life, it’s impossible to avoid disappointments and unfair treatment. Perhaps you work for an unreasonable, unappreciative boss; your spouse may have betrayed you; or a relative could have taken advantage of your trusting nature to rob you of your possessions. You could even have suffered sexual abuse as a child.

These experiences could leave you bitter. But it’s important not to let yourself turn into a bitter, complaining, negative person.

Bitterness is bad for your health. And it isn’t good for your relationships.

Bitterness can erode your immune system and cause sleeplessness, which leads to fatigue.

Bitterness can lead to heart ailments, high blood pressure, low self-esteem, and unhealthy associations.

So, for your own good, let go of bitterness.

Below are ways to overcome bitterness and move on with your life.

1. Vent out

Talk to a trusted friend or relative. Vent out your anger and disappointment and let go. However, don’t keep repeating your disappointment to everyone who cares to listen.

Don’t get stuck in victimhood. If you need help, talk to a professional counselor. You could also join a support group.

Do your best to get over the event that has embittered you. Learn from your mistakes, and move on. Look for ways of dealing with the situation. Don’t let your setback control your life.

2. Reclaim your power

Take responsibility for what happened. This way, you reclaim your power and you stop being a helpless victim. Acknowledge your part in the event.

If, for instance, you’re bitter because you were defrauded in a scam, concede your part in the deception. Did you ignore the warning signs? Did you brush off a friend’s concern?

Engage a counselor to guide you in asking deep questions and examining the real facts. Journaling can also help. Don’t allow yourself to wallow in helplessness.

3. Forgive the person who hurt you … and yourself

Find peace and psychological release in forgiveness. When you forgive, you free yourself of anger, hostility, and bitterness.

According to a study by Loren L. Toussaint, Ph.D., published in the journal Annals of Behavioral Medicine in April 2016, when you forgive, you free yourself of distress.

Forgiveness researcher Everett L Worthington Jr, Ph.D., Commonwealth Professor Emeritus at Virginia Commonwealth University in Richmond, USA, says when you don’t forgive, you expose yourself to rumination. This means that you play the painful events over and over again in your mind.

This exposes you to psychological disorders and physical illnesses like migraines. When you forgive, you free yourself of resentment and the urge for revenge.

4. Live in the present

Bitterness loves dwelling in the past, in self-pity, and in the “if only…” Shake that off, concentrate on current opportunities, and focus on a positive future. Seek out new experiences and companions and put new things into your life.

If, for instance, you want to recover from a divorce that left you bitter, seek out new scopes, different from what you enjoyed with your ex. Make new friends and move on with your life.

Psychologists suggest you meditate to help you concentrate on the good in you r life. Bitterness can generate stress and anxiety, but research indicates that meditation can boost the body’s immunity. This, in turn, can help fight off stress and anxiety.

Final thoughts

So, overcoming bitterness is not about how to avoid difficult situations. It’s about how to handle such circumstances.

It’s about how to overcome bitterness and despair and how to move on.