Love Letter to My Husband

I love you and the fear of losing you. The first year was about trusting me and getting to know me. Then there were mistakes that I wished I have never to you. When I meet you, I was nervous because of the type of person you were. I was trying to help you with your emotions since I knew you were suffering from the inside. You needed someone that understands you. But when I saw you, my whole world was full of butterflies. My heart just melted within those eyes as you looked at me. The more I spent talking, the more my heart would sink in. I became soft and started being my old self.

You made my life so colorful, taking me from the darkness. Every memory, I was happy. I finally got to feel how it is to be in love and to be loved by someone. But the downside of me was still hurting from the past of living with my parents. Although I was hurt, I also feared being myself around people, not to trust others with my heart. But you got me to open up to you. You understood me.

I always wondered what love was until I meet you. My devotion and thought that my dad loved my mom. But when people tell you "if you love me. That did not love that was considered manipulation. Love is a feeling, someone that makes you a better person. You taught me to stand up for myself. And I know our relationship had struggles in the beginning because you were hurting and, you couldn't trust anyone else with your feelings. I was willing to be patient with you and love you no matter how much you hurt me. You were so secretive about your feelings. Sometimes I wondered if you loved me back. I was always there to love you and care for you just how you did when we first met. Buying me those beautiful roses, loving me with the warmth of your lips against mine, taking me for a stroll, it was beautiful.

Then, the first time we slept together at the hotel, it was scary because I didn't know what to do. I was nervous out of my mind. But as you held me slowly and gently put your lips against mine, I felt loved. I just felt different. Tears rolled down my face realizing that I WANTED YOU. I could not get you out of my head, how much I loved you. At that moment, my heart was glowing. It was just happiness and fear because I have never felt like this about anyone. So the feelings were new to me. I couldn't hide my emotions anymore, exploded.

In the second year, we were struggling to be outside, homeless. I wasn't planning to leave you. So I stayed through hotels and sometimes on the street since we did not always have money. You would feed me first instead of thinking of yourself. You would not eat at all. You have always been so confident in our struggle. You showed me the world when I didn't know anything or anywhere. We went to the museum. You had me on your back, jumping up and down. Then times on the bus where you were dancing and singing, just being you. You could never stop amusing me with your love and entertainment. You ever stop making me smile. I could just be myself with you. I could remember every smile on your face and all those times that I was happy beside you.

Now we came to the new chapter of our lives, our daughter. I am scared. I'm afraid that you might lose interest just like you think about me losing interest in you. Honestly, I really can not see my life without you, so I ignore you texting other females because I know you won't hide anything from me. You have always been so honest and told me the truth about what goes on. I could trust you, that doesn't stop me from overthinking. Sometimes, I still get those fears that someone could be better than me. Every argument we had, I only tried to fix it because I love you and because our daughter is coming, I want us to communicate more. I know I get mad at you at times. You get worried when I stress and make all these scenarios in my head. I want our daughter to be happy. I want to make sure she has what she needs. We might not give her everything, least she has us. I want us to maintain her and love her unconditionally because we made her with lots of love. Our daughter has half of each other hearts. Even though I was not ready to have a family, I am happy we are together and having a beautiful daughter. I could never ask for a better man. I will always love, through thick and thin.