Redefining Commitment: Beyond the Legal Bind of Marriage

Although I've never been married, I'd have to imagine that marriage, to some degree, holds immense value for those participating. I've only met the love of my life last year. It's been a significant learning curve to accept peace over chaos, even when that means not conforming to social norms. However, when I reflect on my life with him, I don't envision marriage for us. To me, marriage feels so contractual that it burdens the true unity that it is meant to represent.

The idea of marriage itself sounds like something of a dream. You love someone so deeply that you vow to give your entire life to them. It's truly a remarkable idea when you put it on paper. It's an even better idea when people enter a marriage with pure intentions. Sometimes marriage can truly be something of a fairytale. In this society, that type of commitment is becoming a rarity. I can only speak for myself when I say that the relationship I'm in now is the only healthy one I've ever been in. Though it, too, has had its challenges. I love the idea of partying with him and our closest loved ones to share a union of the beautiful family that we are building together. It sounds perfect. Then I think about the legal side of it.

To be firm, I do want to marry this man in the most untraditional sense. Someday, I'd like to share vows that identify with what he truly means to me. However, we will not be partaking in the legal side of marriage. I know what you're thinking, "then you're not married," and technically so, but in my humblest of opinions, the idea of legally binding yourself to someone over the sanction of "love" is rather crazy. Thankfully, our views align in this area, leading to no confusion in my relationship. This doesn't mean we get to skip any sort of line. We may miss out on tax breaks, but I think that love means so much more than signatures and paperwork.

I long to spend the rest of my life with him. The moment I sign a paper to start that journey, it becomes conditional. That's not something I want to base the rest of our lives on. Becoming one is something that should be celebrated in every single sense, excluding legally. There isn't much sense, at least to me, in taking something so beautiful as love and twisting it into contracts and numbers.

For much of my childhood, I longed for every part of family, connection, and love. This had me dreaming of becoming someone's beautiful bride, being taken care of for the rest of my life. The most beautiful TRAD wife. I never thought I'd make it out of the delusion that I was no more worthy than the dirt on the ground unless I was receiving that type of love. Marriage that some may find beautiful, and nature can be stifling in others. I truly want to be with my man until the end of time, but I will never, ever, expect him to legally bind himself to me, just as I wouldn't allow myself to participate.

You see people every day build lives for themselves like that, Astromer, who had an affair with his HR lady at a Coldplay concert, of all places. Married people who entered into this legally binding contract only to sneakily break it. That can happen to anyone, married or not, but I know it would have been much easier for both their partners had legal proceedings not taken place. They'd be completely liberated, aside from the pain they've been caused.

Love can truly withstand social norms. You don't have to live the life you see in movies or even the one that your loved ones have created for you. The life that you want is so easily attainable when you start making choices that align with what you need in your life, not what you think society wants for you. You do a disservice to yourself time and time again when you build your life in order to please others. Live.