When Your Own Approval Feels Out of Reach

At some point in life, many people stop feeling proud of themselves. Not because they suddenly became terrible people. Not because they lost all their good qualities. But because their internal standards quietly changed. What once felt like progress now feels ordinary. What once felt like effort now feels like the bare minimum.

You start expecting more from yourself.

But you don’t always acknowledge how far you’ve come.

This creates a strange emotional gap. You’re not who you used to be, but you don’t feel like who you want to be yet. You live in between. And living in between often feels like failure, even when it isn’t.

One reason people stop feeling proud of themselves is because growth becomes invisible to them. When you’re in survival mode for a long time, progress looks small. You forget how hard certain things used to be. You forget how much courage it took to get through certain phases. You normalize your resilience.

Just because something feels normal now doesn’t mean it was easy to build.

Another reason is comparison. You constantly see other people’s achievements. Promotions. Businesses. Relationships. Glow-ups. You rarely see their doubts, false starts, or breakdowns. You see outcomes without context. This creates the illusion that everyone else is moving faster, doing better, and living more successfully than you are.

Comparison quietly poisons self-respect.

You stop measuring yourself by your own journey.

You start measuring yourself by someone else’s highlight reel.

There is also the pressure of unrealized expectations. Many people had big dreams when they were younger. They imagined certain versions of themselves by certain ages. When reality doesn’t match those timelines, disappointment settles in. You feel like you failed younger you.

But younger you didn’t have the information you have now.

They didn’t know what life would demand.

They didn’t know what you would have to survive.

Holding yourself to outdated expectations is unfair.

Another painful layer is the inner critic. The voice in your head that constantly points out what you haven’t done, what you should be doing, and how you’re falling short. This voice often sounds like motivation, but it’s usually rooted in fear.

Fear of not being enough.

Fear of being left behind.

Fear of wasting your life.

Fear-driven motivation burns people out.

It doesn’t build pride.

Pride grows from recognizing effort, not just outcomes. From acknowledging consistency, not just success. From seeing yourself as a work in progress instead of a finished product that keeps disappointing you.

You don’t need to be extraordinary to be proud.

You don’t need a perfect life.

You don’t need to have everything figured out.

You need to be honest about what you’ve endured.

About the days you didn’t quit.

About the habits you’re trying to build.

About the awareness you’ve gained.

About the mistakes you learned from.

Pride isn’t loud.

It’s quiet.

It’s a steady respect for yourself.

It’s knowing you’re imperfect but committed.

Another reason pride disappears is because people tie their worth to productivity. If they’re not constantly achieving, they feel useless. Rest becomes guilt. Slowing down feels like failure. Existing without producing feels wrong.

You are not a machine.

Your value is not measured in output.

You deserve respect simply for being alive and trying.

Rebuilding pride starts with changing how you talk to yourself. Would you speak to a friend the way you speak to yourself? Would you constantly remind them of everything they haven’t done? Or would you acknowledge their effort?

Offer yourself the same grace.

Celebrate small wins.

Notice progress.

Give credit where it’s due.

You are not behind in life.

You are not broken.

You are not hopeless.

You are a human navigating a complex world with limited instructions.

And the fact that you’re still trying says more about you than you realize.

Feeling proud of yourself doesn’t come from becoming perfect.

It comes from recognizing that you’re growing.

Even when it’s slow.

Even when it’s messy.

Even when no one else notices.

You are becoming.

And that alone is worth respect.