Why Reciprocal Proximity Matters More Than Boundaries

Beyond boundaries, what's more important is "reciprocal proximity."

I once had a friend who constantly asked me to visit her. I went five times, and she never once offered to come over, yet we always had a great time together.

At first, I told myself, "Don't be picky; just enjoy being together."

Until one day, the train station near me was temporarily closed and I couldn't go. She had a car, so I suggested she come instead.

She said, "You can take a train from a farther station, and you can still come see me."

At that moment, I suddenly realized:

It wasn't that she couldn't come, but that she simply didn't want to.

I said "no" that time, and from that moment on, I gradually distanced myself from her.

I wasn't angry about that incident, but I understood something deeper: In a relationship, I can't always be the one bridging the distance.

I realized that sometimes...

🔸 1. It’s not that you’re not giving enough, but that the other person doesn’t want to "get closer."

Many people believe that as long as they are proactive, considerate, and maintain the relationship, it will work.

But closeness is never a one-sided effort.

True closeness happens when both parties are willing to make time and space for each other. If you take one step, they should take at least half a step.

If you’ve already taken five steps and the other person is still standing still, it’s not because you’re not good enough, but because they never intend to move forward.

🔸 2. "Not caring" can't be an excuse for an imbalance.

We often use "It's okay" and "I don't care" to suppress uncomfortable feelings.

But when a relationship requires you to repeatedly reassure yourself, "Don't worry about it," it's actually a sign of inner imbalance.

If you’re always giving, cooperating, and accommodating, that’s not being tolerant; it's exhausting yourself to maintain superficial harmony.

In a healthy relationship, each other's feelings are acknowledged, not dismissed with a command to "just let it go."

🔸 3. True care is a willingness to make space and take action for the other person.

Many people say, "I really care about you!"

But caring isn't just an abstract emotion; it needs to be expressed through action.

Maybe it's proactively arranging a meeting, maybe it's occasionally offering to travel to their location or go a little further, or maybe it’s just saying, "I'll come see you this time!"

True closeness means letting the other person know you’re willing to make a little effort to bridge the gap.

If someone always stays in the same place, then the relationship can only be "one-sidedly maintained" by you, not "two-way nurtured."

When to Consider Letting Go

If you notice the following issues in a relationship, letting go may be the best solution:

You’re always the one initiating contact, but the other person never actively checks in on you.

You always have to coordinate your time and location with the other person for every meeting or time together.

The other person disappears or becomes distant after you say "no."

Your feelings are constantly ignored, and the other person tends to brush everything off with "You’re too sensitive."

When you’re with the other person, you no longer feel relaxed or joyful, but instead feel a sense of fatigue or depression.

Intimacy isn't about one person going the distance, but about two people willingly moving closer together.

Many relationships fade not because someone did something wrong, but because you gradually realize that you were the one moving closer, while the other person never truly took a step toward you.

Now, when I look at friendship or love, I look beyond the sense of boundaries. I also consider one thing:

When I take a step forward, is the other person willing to move closer?

Because only when there’s mutual closeness can a relationship truly last and be effortless.

Thank you for reading!